My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

AIBU over a coat?

32 replies

pastatriangles · 19/09/2022 18:00

DF and I have always had a strained relationship. Growing up he had serious anger issues and basically always treated me like I was crazy/stupid. I had to have years of therapy to get over it. None of my family saw it from my perspective and just said he loved me.

He is completely unable to see this and does have a side that is extremely kind and generous. He and DS4 have a lovely relationship but I was keeping them apart because DF and I weren't getting along. DF's partner told me he goes to sleep looking through pictures of DS, he really loves him.

Recently a family member told me he's been having serious health issues and I didn't want our last words to be made in anger. I was really shocked and upset and invited him to take DS for the weekend. I specifically texted him and said 'remember to collect DS' bag and coat' (both brand new for school).

They had a great time but DS came back in a new coat. I asked what happened multiple times and a while DF said in a sing songy voice like he was talking to a toddler, 'we left it on the train but we got a better one.' He left telling DS 'see you next weekend.'

AIBU to end the visits over this? It's so petty I can't talk to anyone about it but I feel like it's just part of the same dynamic. I bought the coat, sewed the name in, texted to remind him. It's just always something.

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

177 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
82%
You are NOT being unreasonable
18%
FlorettaB · 19/09/2022 19:07

’Growing up he had serious anger issues and basically always treated me like I was crazy/stupid. I had to have years of therapy to get over it.’

I’m sorry you went through that and that no one in your family supported you. You don’t owe him anything, especially unsupervised access to your DS.

Report
FlorettaB · 19/09/2022 19:08

Especially not

Report
BadNomad · 19/09/2022 19:11

I wouldn't be surprised if he was behind his partner telling you he pines for you son at night. It's all bullshit. His relationship with your son is just another way for him to control things and gaslight you.

Report
ThatPirateLady · 19/09/2022 20:43

There’s not a chance in hell he’d see my child alone again

Report
Isaidnoalready · 19/09/2022 20:51

He isnt dying you can back away if your asked you can say I don't like being lied to and manipulated I'm not going to rush to hand over my child to people with zero morals

Report
Hoppinggreen · 19/09/2022 20:54

He probably doesn’t actually love your son, he just sees him as another way to get to you

Report
billy1966 · 19/09/2022 21:49

There is no way a man like that would be ever near my child again after the A&E incident.

He is a nasty piece of work.

Your son doesn't need him in his life.

You are being manipulated.

Go back to therapy, and don't undo the good work you have done.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.