What would you do?

[Changeraname]

So, I am not married with 2 kids but I really want to get put of the relationship, since our second child was born 2 years ago my partner has become so lazy and I seem to have fallen out of love with him. We have a joint mortgage and he has no assets, the only thing that I am worried about is that he earns a lot more than me 60k and I earn about 26k if I went back full time. The only thing holding me back is financial reason, will I manage? I was also thinking of doing a degree next year when my youngest starts school but how will I do that if I won’t have any income? Do I have to stay?

Obviously you don't have to stay, it's a choice. You won't have the lifestyle you have now but plenty of single parents are managing on less than 26k.

Tell him how you feel and he will make the decision for you, trust me as I'd not want a OH like you.

For the sake of God think about your children's future, your OH's future your future it is so sad that people get bored so easily. No offence just posting from the heart.

You don’t know what I have put into it to try and make things change? Im not doing this on a whim!!

Then tell him but I think you know what his reaction would be, EG the same reaction you would have if the tables were turned.

Either way your choice and I hope it all works out for both of you and your kids.

x

What do you mean?

YABU

If you want the lifestyle of someone earning more, you will have to get out there and earn it yourself.

Make sure he shares the responsibility and costs post split (including childcare) so that have the same opportunity to progress your career & increase your earnings. It won't be easy at first but it will be worth it long term.

Oh fuck off you sanctimonious twat.

OP you’ll manage. It will be an adjustment. Use entitled to to figure out what support you’ll get from UC. Also as soon as you split contact child maintenance if you think he’ll be diggivult
over support.

you may not have the same lifestyle but your kids will thank you for it in the long run. As an adult child of divorce I can honestly say things would have been hugely different if my parents had accepted their relationship wasn’t working 15 years before they did.

If you want out then make it so.

You aren't married so only need to sort the house. Will you need to sell it?

You can work or study and would receive a universal credit topup as a single parent.
Good luck.

You can’t just stay with someone for their money. That’s so cruel

You need to decide if you want to stay put and have more income and ease and be able to return to study if you like, or you want to leave enough that that's not a priorty. Nobody else can decide this for you.

Find out what equity is in the house, what you could expect in terms of childcare costs (because you can't make your ex have the kids even if he insists he will want them 50/50, there's no way of enforcing this so be prepared to shoulder all of the childcare responsibllities in reality), what you could realistically earn, and any benefits you might be entitled to, rent costs, living expenses etc.

If it all sounds a bit too much like hard work, then stay until it doesn't. When you know, you know.

Of course you don't have to stay. But your lifestyle will change.

With two dc involved, and nothing horrendous having happened, isn't it worth trying some relationship counselling to see if you can improve the relationship?