To be tired of being on edge around her

[bunsplease]

I live (temporarily) with my mum. I'm finding it hard because she wants to know my plans, where I'm going and who I'll be with. I told her I went for a walk and lunch with a friend and she asked where we went for lunch, what I had and where we went for a walk.

She makes passive aggressive comments and I feel anxious because it's like I've done something to annoy her but she never tells me what. I'm never sure how she's going to react, so I feel a bit like I'm on eggshells around her.

She's been out since this morning and just got home about half an hour ago. I noticed her car coming down our road, then it disappeared out of view while she went around the roundabout, and when her car came back into view outside the house I physically jumped. I was clearly very on edge waiting for her coming!

Since coming home she's said "hi" to me, made herself a cup of tea, got her laptop and disappeared upstairs to her room. She's spoken all of 5 words to me today, so it feels like I've done something wrong, but I don't know what.
The way she acts makes me feel like I'm bad, but I honestly try my best to be pleasant and to be kind to her, so surely it's not totally my fault? Sometimes I feel like I'm an inconvenience to her, although I know she loves me. I'm getting mixed messages and that makes me feel anxious.

If I was you I’d reiterate that it’s temporary and ramp up (if possible) finding a new place of your own. Some of the stuff like asking what you had for lunch etc would just be normal conversation for me, but it seems like there’s a history? Either way, I think no matter how well you get on with your parents, moving back in once you’ve lived alone never fully works. They revert to this parent/child dynamic that doesn’t work because you’ve matured.

Maybe she wants some time to herself? I would be looking to move out though.

I can't see what she's doing wrong. You're grumpy if she chats and shows an interest in your life. You're grumpy if she's busy and takes herself off to her room. Maybe she is also on edge. Maybe she senses that she is irritating you and trying to keep out of your way. It's temporary but she's your mum, and letting you stay, so I'd be trying to clear the air personally. It could be weeks or months. Can't you just go for lunch or something and reach an agreement.

She might just be uncomfortable having you there and wanting her own space. Seems like you don't like it when she ask questions and nor when she doesn't, so that's not great for her. How long do you need to stay? Could you get a rental place for a while instead?

Living with other people is difficult for some people.

Maybe she said yes because she wants to help, and loves you. But actually finds it very difficult (despite you being a good house guest).

Try not to take it personally and maybe try to adjust your plans to get your own places quickly. It would be a shame for this to impact your relationship.

In an ideal world she'd communicate her feelings but maybe she doesn't know how to do it, without asking you to leave, which she feels guilty to do.

Sometimes I feel like everything I say annoys my children. Even when I'm just showing interest in their lives by making normal conversation or giving them advice based on something I had to discover myself that caused me difficulty. Sometimes a parent can't do right for doing wrong. You've moved back into her house and as much as that is an adjustment for you, it is for her too!
We can't really tell you if yabu or she is - maybe both of you to an extent. I do think there comes a pint when you just can't live easily with your parents (or they with you) and the best thing to maintain cordial relationships is to move out asap.

That isn't healthy or normal.
Has it always felt like this?

Expedite your plans as much as you can and tell her that you will be gone as soon as is possible.

In the meantime keep out of her way.

How awful to feel this way.

Just try to get through it and find somewhere else as soon as you can.

I think you're over thinking this. Your mum feels a bit tense because she can't win. You're grumpy if she asks normal polite questions and you're grumpy if she doesn't.
FfS op give her a break. You also need to hurry up moving out

Even when I'm just showing interest in their lives by making normal conversation or giving them advice based on something I had to discover myself that caused me difficulty.

@ImAvingOops

Respectfully, if your (grown, presumably) children act irritated around you when you give advice on things that you had to learn the hard way, maybe it's because they already know or understand what you're telling them and feel spoken down to or patronised. Just because something caused you difficulty, it doesn't mean it's a problem for your kids.

My mum often launches into long monologues of unsolicited, unnecessary or irrelevant advice in a slightly patronising tone (that I'm sure to her own ears is a 'nice, just-trying-to-be-helpful tone') and it drives me up the wall.

It could so easily be avoided by her saying at the start, 'Oh, I learned some good tricks when I was renovating my kitchen, are you looking for any suggestions?' Or 'I've got a wonderful packing list, would you like me to send it to you?' Or 'I really struggled with [insert thing here] and I eventually figured out a few good shortcuts. How are you finding [insert same thing here]?'

Then, if your child is looking for assistance, they can accept your advice and will probably be very grateful and polite about it. And if they're not looking for advice, they don't need to fake interest as their patience wears thin while you mumsplain something they already know how to do/don't want to do/have no interest in.

Poor woman, she's generously let you move back in and probably feels like she's walking on eggshells because you're so awkward about a normal convo. Maybe you should start being grateful you have a place to stay, and being a bit kinder to the person providing it.

She’s accustomed to having her space. Have you in any way regressed to her doing your laundry/cooking, etc? Do you leave things just the way she likes it?
I think you have to remind yourself that you are a guest in HER home, not living there as a dependent child now.

this is almost a year old!