To think dating rules are stressful!
CluelessDater · 19/09/2022 14:55
I am totally new to all this as things were very different a million years ago when I was last single.
I'm not looking for anything serious yet so that takes that pressure off but not sure of all the "rules".
Had massive flirt with a guy a couple of nights ago (in person). Messaging then happened talking about hooking up (not happened yet). Should I then message again the next day? I'm not someone for playing games but it seems this is expected!! I wanted to so I did. He had previously been leading the messaging. Now been on read but no reply for a few hours so I assume that means thats all done and dusted. It was nothing heavy just brief and breezy how's it going type message that followed on from the end of our last conversation (he was last to comment then).
So I don't mess up every chance what is the expected game play? Wait for them to message? Leave it a certain amount of time? Is it different when you're not after finding the one just the one for now??
Aibu thinking this shouldn't be such hard work!
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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mintywinter · 19/09/2022 14:58
I wouldn't get so invested if it's just a hook up? Just do what you want.
PermanentTemporary · 19/09/2022 14:59
Be authentic and do what you feel. If it seems to result in multiple pear-shaped outcomes, start therapy.
ComtesseDeSpair · 19/09/2022 14:59
If you’ve messaged clearly indicating you’d like to meet and receive no response then there’s no need to message again. I’d not see not receiving a reply for a few hours as meaning it’s “done and dusted” though - surely you both have loved and friends and other commitments which mean you might not look at your phones for a while or prefer to save a message for later when you can think about what you want to write?
CluelessDater · 19/09/2022 15:25
Yeah I wonder how cut out for this i am! I'm quite what you see is what you get, no games etc but although I don't want commitments and romance I also don't want to be treated like shit! I also don't just want a string of one night stands.
Not saying that anything awful has happened yet here as early days but need to learn the game it seems to stay in control. In this situation I knew he's a complete player and I don't think I'm his usual type and he is not mine so maybe I shouldn't have expected much!! (This was kind of done deliberately as i don't want to risk falling in love and just want some fun and also I can not keep my eyes off him!!)
I don't get a lot of opportunities to try to date as not interested in OLD so need to maximise my strike rate 🤣
ComtesseDeSpair · 19/09/2022 15:33
If you already know he’s a player then I’d advise either a) moving on to somebody who isn’t a player and wants to interact as equal adults looking for the same thing or b) just sitting back and accepting that he’s going to mess you around as part of his modus operandi rather than trying to control the situation. You aren’t going to make yourself happy turning this into a game where he will ultimately keep breaking and making up the rules to suit him every time you try to work out how he’s playing.
FWB relationships can be great; but they shouldn’t be hard work or require you to put on a front to try and gain control of a situation where the other person appears to just want to behave like a dick. Few opportunities or not, why set out to make your life actively harder?
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