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AIBU?

Pregnant SIL non stop baby talk

17 replies

Nymeria6 · 19/09/2022 14:02

Hi my SIL currently 17 weeks pregnant. She found out within 2 weeks of trying so caught very very quickly. Since then non stop baby talk in our group chat with our other SIL. It's all me me me and it's been getting on my nerves but kept my feelings to myself and didn't mention it to our other SIL.

Then last night my 2nd SIL confided that she's been feeling really anxious and stressed. This is a big thing for her to say as she can be very closed off about her feelings. She's had two babies within 20 months, become a step mum and also lost her nan. We all talked about it for all of 2 seconds before SIL 1 put it back to her an she thought she had braxton hicks or whatever. I brought it up to SIL 2 but she was dismissive so now I look like the bad guy.

I'm childless so don't know if I'm being out of order. But kinda sick of it now an we have looooooong way to go.

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Am I being unreasonable?

87 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
28%
You are NOT being unreasonable
72%
properdoughnut · 19/09/2022 14:08

Just ignore the group chat? If it's a family chat let your DH do the talking. A SIL group chat seems a bit like forced friendship just because you married into a family.

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Nymeria6 · 19/09/2022 14:10

It's just us 3. We are friends as well as family.

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/09/2022 14:11

Don’t engage with the me me me chat. Ask questions of both of them unrelated to pregnancy and babies.

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rainbowmilk · 19/09/2022 14:13

If SIL2 says things about her anxiety in future I’d bring the conversation back to it rather than indulging SIL1 in whatever she’s saying. It’ll only get worse once baby is born (speaking from experience…)

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Sceptre86 · 19/09/2022 14:15

I can't think of anything worse than being in a group chat with my sil so that's not much help to you. She's excited and it is an exciting time for her but also sounds like a bit of a drama queen. If she's your partners sister then leave them too it or keep your replies short but polite. So braxton hicks at 17 weeks would get a response of, 'oh gosh maybe phone your midwife or head up to the early pregnancy unit'. That way you've acknowledged what she has said so it can't come back on you that you didn't show concern.

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MrsToothyBitch · 19/09/2022 14:18

I'd have to mute the group, I'd find it too much. Can you do that and just chat privately to SiL 2?

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Keladrythesaviour · 19/09/2022 14:21

I'd just keep chatting about the SIL2 if the conversation warrants it. We quite often (friends) have WhatsApp threads which cover 3/4 ongoing conversations at the same time. So a quick comment on SIL1's baby message and then back to the bigger issue at hand.

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Heronwatcher · 19/09/2022 14:23

I think you a being a bit U, mainly because lots of people are a bit like this with their first child and also she’s not done anything to you, plus SIL2 doesn’t sound that bothered (more sounds like you were looking for a concrete example of SIL1 being selfish rather than just annoying). Anyway it’s not for you to fight SIL2’s battles, and you could always message her privately. If she’s annoying you, just mute the chat.

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Cinnabomb · 19/09/2022 14:28

I agree many women are like this but it is not ok. I had infertility before being lucky enough to finally fall pregnant with my first, so endured years of selfish pregnant women twittering on about their own self indulgence without any consideration of my feelings. When I was then pregnant with my 2, I always tried to remember that no one is really that interested and you still have to stick to the polite rules of conversation/
ask about others. Pregnancy does not give you an excuse to become self obsessed. Support your other SIL @properdoughnut and you are in the right.

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Nymeria6 · 19/09/2022 14:31

Thanks very much I think I will have too. I know its not my place to fight SIL2 battles but I'm a lot older and she's like my little sister, she doesn't have any sisters only 4 brothers. Well 3. So I do kind of watch out for her. Me and her DB have been together the longest (lots of years) so I do have that relationship with her.

Maybe I'm just being bit tired last night/today.

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Mariposista · 19/09/2022 14:45

Ughhh I couldn't stand this. I'd have to come out of the group and say why.
And if she brings up baby talk, really obviously change the subject.
I would obviously be supportive of the loss of her nan.

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TokyoTen · 19/09/2022 14:54

Well if she is like that at 17 weeks it won't get better anytime soon. I'd just gently withdraw a bit - mute the chat, don't contribute so much. Sounds annoying so I am with you!

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Nymeria6 · 19/09/2022 16:28

Hi thanks for this. Its my other SIL2 who lost her nan along with my DH (they're brother and sister) she never speaks up when somethings wrong so for her to do so must have been bad. That's why I'm so annoyed SIL1 changed the subject back to her and her pregnancy again. It was already getting on my nerves.

I can't come out of the group without it being a big deal as I set it up and there is only us 3 in it. We have a separate family chat for everyone but I set one up for the girls to chat about anything. Didn't realise it would be hijacked though by baby talk.

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Nymeria6 · 19/09/2022 16:31

Thanks very much. This comment is really resonating with me. She doesn't ask about anything. I honestly don't know how to handle it for the next how many months

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Mangogogogo · 19/09/2022 17:35

We have someone on our work group chat who does this but with her own health problems. Happy to support her in that but she tries to change every conversation to it! Now everyone just ignores her and cracks on with the conversation that was already being had.

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Mangogogogo · 19/09/2022 17:36

Sorry I meant to say this is what I would do in your case. Just ignore the comment about braxton hicks and carry on the important conversation with your other sil

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Nymeria6 · 20/09/2022 08:53

Thank you. I will do. Luckily my SIL2 spoke to me last night about stuff troubling her.

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