To feel hurt

[Whowhatwherewhenwhy1]

Been on a very active, busy local committee for four years. My life has imploded in the last three months with my husband telling me he didn't ever love me (20years together, 4 kids) and is leaving and will in effect leave us homeless. This means leaving the area as rental properties are like gold mines, new schools etc. i also got a diagnosis of a a painful degenerative disease around the same time and am in pain daily with often restricted mobility. No family within 200 miles. Life is pretty awful at the moment. Anyway I decided my kids and health had to be the priority for now and contacted the chair of our group and explained I was leaving and the reasons why. That was 8 weeks ago and not one person on the committee has reached out at all. I know they all know why i have had to step down They have advertised my post, had a big end of summer night out and carried on as normal. I was close to these people. Any time anyone else has been ill/had a birthday/bereavement/struggles cards and flowers have been sent and we have bent over backwards to offer support. I feel so hurt . I know thats life and I can do this on my own. I just needed to vent.

Are you sure they all know? As Chair of Trustees of a small charity, I know that if one of our Board members / volunteers / staff advised they were stepping down in your sort of circumstances I absolutely wouldn’t divulge anything to the rest of the Board or executive beyond “personal circumstances” or something similarly bland, it wouldn’t be my place.

I understand why you are hurt, though; they could have sent a goodbye card or offered their best wishes without knowing any more detail 💐

Tbh I'd be mortified if a group had a whip round and bought me flowers because my husband left me.

YANBU, that is shit. We’re you now invited to the big night out?

It sounds like a lot of volunteers, you have been used and cast aside.

That’s a reflection of them, not you

Aw I'm sorry OP, sometimes people just don't know what to say. I'm really sorry for what you're going through though and I hope things work out for you :(

I hope it’s as above and they don’t know the details.

That said there is truth in saying you don’t always know who will
be there when things get tough. People don’t know what to say or do so don’t. I had a tough time and a few people I had helped a lot vanished. Some others who were just peripheral really showed kindness.

be open to help, ask for it, don’t expect people to just get it and don’t let it stop you from making more friends.

It’s not unreasonable to be hurt though. It’s nice to think people will catch us if we need support.

I know they all know why i have had to step down

How do you know this?

So sorry you're going through such a terrible time. 💐

There are 11 committee members. The sister of one approached me and said she was sorry to have heard from her sibling member about my family and health issues. Small committee small community.

My experience of committees, is that you're disposable. It's not like they're your friends, despite how it seems at the time. You may make a couple of good friends but it's not a given. It's all superficial.

There is a chance they don't know why you've stepped down though. The chair might not have passed it on. Especially if the chair is a bit of a knob.

Are you sure people know? Or if they do they think they aren’t supposed to know?
I’m not sure I would mention something like a long term illness if the person hadn’t told me directly. If they hadn’t told me personally I would assume they don’t want me to know.

That's shitty, sorry life is dealing you such a shit time.

They wouldn't be having a whip round for that reason. Doh.