I cannot imagine...

[beachcitygirl]

Aibu to think it's bloody ridiculous that so many people on this site & in real life just "cannot imagine" someone living a life different to their own, having different morals & /or values/needs/desires/parenting styles.

I think the beauty of this site is being able to online chat with other mums who have different perspectives.
Sometimes that can be taken on board. If one needs an independent opinion it's ideal in theory.

But yet again I've just read a thread where so many posters "just can't imagine " why an OP's daughter may be anxious to be left alone at home as a teenager.
Literally recounting tales of themselves as teens. & how free & easy they were at that age.

1. It's a different world & these kids were at home for almost 2 years in the pandemic & missed out on socialising skills.
2. The OP was looking for views and support & she got so so many "I can't imagine's "

This isn't the only thread- it's on so many..

Really rips my knitting - other people live differently- why oh why is that so hard for some
People to imagine.

Oh it's also possible I've just got Monday morning grumps.

I didn’t read the thread you are quoting but I agree with your pov. I have three children, as teenagers, two were happy to be left, one definitely wasn’t. My teen twin granddaughters are very anxious to be left alone. People are different.

I think when people say “I can’t imagine”, what they are really saying is “I wouldn’t want to” or “I’m glad that’s not my experience”.

But they can’t imagine it. Why shouldn’t they say so? Having read that or other threads which outline things outside of their experience maybe they’ll be able to imagine it in future. You’re trying to police language which isn’t deliberately hurtful or unkind. They’re not saying they don’t believe it’s true just that they haven’t come across it before.

I think it’s just a way of expressing incredulity at what other people think/feel/value. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this. We are all the same biologically so it’s often very surprising how much we differ in our approach.

Also having an outside perspective on something can make you aware that you are an outlier in your approach to a situation which can be a warning signal if you are ignoring something important or doing something which most people acknowledge is not a good idea. As long as people aren’t scornful I don’t see the problem.

Not helpful I do imagine and that's why I like MN as it's such a bloody eye opener to issues I have never encountered. I think it's been really helpful with YA DD's

I agree that the variety of life is one of the best things about MN. I remember a thread I read years ago from a woman who was on her own with 5 kids and had cut her hand needing to go to a&e in the middle of absolutely nowhere. People kept saying "can't you ask a neighbour over" to mind the kids and she kept explaining how rural it was. In the end some "young shepherd couple" from 10 miles away managed to come over to help. I live in a city and it really opened my eyes to how different life can be.

But saying "I can't imagine... " is also a way of pushing the OP out of their own little bubble of "normality" showing them that others may see things quite differently.

I think it depends how it's said. Sometimes it is a faux wide-eyed innocence of "I can't imagine how anyone can manage without their 2 holidays every year?!" and sometimes it's a genuine thing that they can't imagine that someone would allow whatever it is to go in in their life, "I can't imagine living with a partner that thinks it's okay to be out 7 nights a week with his mates when I have a toddler and newborn at home!". Sometimes it's a helpful eye-opener for the OP to realise that what they think is normal, isn't for the majority of people.

But they can’t imagine it. Why shouldn’t they say so?

Exactly. So many scenarios on MN I couldn't imagine. Like not answering the front door ever or making a chicken last a week. You can only comment from your own experiences.