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AIBU?

Staying with 1 child

42 replies

Questions12 · 19/09/2022 08:00

Hello
Have a nearly 5 year old. Split with his dad when he was very young. Been a single parent for 70pc or so since then. I've met someone with no kids and it's fairly serious. Before meeting him I was happy with 1. Had fertility treatment and a placental abruption leading to prem birth. He is open minded re kids.
However I'm veering towards staying at 1 child. Is it really awful to have just 1?
I'm not a natural parent and find it hard. I'm also a worrier.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Questions12 · 19/09/2022 09:05

When I was single this wasn't an issue ! Damn.

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Questions12 · 19/09/2022 09:10

I can't shake the feeling I'm going to regret not having another.

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TimBoothseyes · 19/09/2022 10:00

Questions12 · 19/09/2022 08:11

Thank you. I feel bad as ds would benefit from a sibling. He loves other kids.

I have 2 siblings. 1 bullied me constantly as a child the other had interests and hobbies that I didn't share so we never hung out or played much together. When my parents died it was left to me (both times), to deal with everything as my siblings were "too upset to deal with it". Honestly, having siblings was of no benefit to me just the opposite and it was because of this that I made the choice to have just the 1 DC.

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Questions12 · 19/09/2022 19:21

I just want him to be happy really. He is a happy child and has never mentioned a sibling.

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Questions12 · 19/09/2022 22:34

I just love him so much.

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Questions12 · 20/09/2022 07:03

I've been up since 3am worrying he's on his own

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jeaux90 · 20/09/2022 07:31

My DD13 is an only, im a lone parent. She is absolutely fine, has resilience and can amuse herself.

She does tennis etc in the holidays so hangs with other people.

I love just having one.

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DayOfTheTentacle · 20/09/2022 07:40

I would have loved another, but honestly having an only is better than I would ever have thought.

This sums it up for me. Slightly different as we lost two babies and two pregnancies after having DS (5). It's been a rough couple of years and I just want some calm. I'm 36 and have just been offered a job, and I can't go back to that horrible cycle of TTC, positive test, anxiety and then fresh grief again. So only child it is!

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Questions12 · 20/09/2022 08:37

I had an early birth and I suffer with anxiety anyway so I can't put myself through it again.

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AlwaysTheBrideNeverTheBridesmaid · 20/09/2022 08:45

YABU to say 'is it really awful having one?'

You realllly need to unpick your thoughts and judgments about solo kids, OP. What has put it into your head that having a child rather than children is in any way awful?

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Questions12 · 20/09/2022 12:24

I worry he won't like it and he'll be lonely. We have such a small family.

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Hankunamatata · 20/09/2022 12:58

I see only pluses about having one child in your situation. Dc can have friends around to play, more money for hobbies, your focus wont be divided. You get alone time with partner when dc at dads.

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Questions12 · 20/09/2022 16:32

😀there is that I suppose

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TimBoothseyes · 20/09/2022 17:34

Questions12 · 20/09/2022 12:24

I worry he won't like it and he'll be lonely. We have such a small family.

When DD was growing up, she spent most of her time either here with her friends or at one of her numerous friends houses. She still keeps in touch with a lot of them and has made many more friends along the way. teach him to be confident and sociable and he'll get along just fine.

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lanthanum · 20/09/2022 18:04

DD16 has always been quite happy as an only. The only time I think it might have been helpful was during the first lockdown, although she's not convinced it would have made much difference.
There's loads of things you can do with one which you can't with multiples, so there are definite benefits.

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MinnieMountain · 20/09/2022 18:41

Our 8yo is happy. As he puts it, he gets all the attention.

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Questions12 · 20/09/2022 19:44

Sometimes I have morbid thoughts about what if something happens to him.

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