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AIBU?

To think they are lying bastards and to be horrified at their view of my DS?

13 replies

CrabbyCrumble · 19/09/2022 02:35

DS has ASD and a mild learning disability. He has had a horrific time in education and I finally found an excellent provision for him last year (he has had no provision for all this academic year). It is a specialist Social, Emotional and Mental Health residential college predominantly with ASD students like him.

This college initially said they could offer him a place. Then backtracked and said they couldn't as he had a history of self harming and wandering off to be alone due social anxiety. This was at his previous college and they weee aware of this from the start. He biked to college on his own so the wandering wasn't a massive issue. It's not like he needed constant supervision,

I explained that the self harming had not happened since he left that provision and only happened while he was there then they raised concerns about his cognitive ability saying he wouldn't be able to do the work or get on with the other students. They have admitted students with learning disabilities before apparently who didn't do well so they have decided he will be the same.

DS was not diagnosed with ASD until age 17 and despite being diagnosed with 'severe learning difficulties' at age 11, he had no EHCP, 1:1 or tailored support all through primary and secondary school.

Then they lied saying they weren't a Section 41 approved provision so didn't have to admit him. Turns out they are and do if we win the appeal.

Now 2 weeks before the SEND Tribunal hearing they are saying they have no place available for him. They have never raised this before and they would have known months ago how many they were admitting in September as the Tribunals and funding takes months! Could they be lying about this? If do how do I find out?

This is seriously the only provision I can find for DS and I spent months searching the whole country. The provision is perfect and exactly what he needs and I have no idea why they are so against offering him a place.

WWYD?

OP posts:
MaxiPaddy · 19/09/2022 03:51

Personally, I wouldn't be putting my son with a history of self harm into school who clearly don't want him and have every ability to make his life miserable.

WeAreAllLionesses · 19/09/2022 04:17

Do you have legal representation planned? It sounds like they are going to say anything to refuse him a place and you need to have someone who can rebut their arguments.

But like pp, I'd be concerned at the fact they quite obviously don't want to admit him.

Floofboopsnootandbork · 19/09/2022 05:24

You’re better off not sending him there anyway.

I went to a specialist college when I was 17 that was meant to be excellent for people with mental health issues and “high functioning” disabilities as I’m autistic and didn’t enjoy mainstream education. The first year was alright although not great then in the 2nd year they labelled me as a problem due to an argument I had with another girl and the rest of the time they made it hell for me. They acknowledged the argument was pretty much one sided on the other girls part and 100% caused by her (she was telling people she slept with my boyfriend, she hadn’t) yet she got away with nothing while I was punished because I had told my friends, one of which I had known since primary school, what had happened. I was constantly isolated from everyone and would have my words twisted to make me sound like I was bullying the girl, eg she was crying once, months after our argument and I had no problem with her, and hadn’t turned up for a lesson and I said I saw her crying earlier and think she’s in the toilets. A TA claimed I was taking the mick out of her and said she hid in the toilets, everyone else in the class backed me that it wasn’t what I said at all but the teacher (not TA) said he hadn’t heard what I had actually said even though I was taking directly to him so they took the TAs word for it. They then told my mum I was a deeply nasty person so she pulled me out.

Sometimes when there’s lots of struggling vulnerable people in one place they try to hard protecting one person they fail others.

ThinWomansBrain · 19/09/2022 06:27

if i was "horrified at their view of my child" I would not think it was an ideal place for my child to attend, much less be appealing to have an offer of a place enforced on the school.

donttellmehesalive · 19/09/2022 06:44

What was your relationship like with the previous college? We always phone to discuss needs and provision. It's usually a formality and is supposed to be helpful and to give us an insight into the yp. The only time we then withdrew the offer of a place was when the previous school described a parent that we didn't think we would be able to work with effectively.

Summergirl5 · 19/09/2022 06:51

Why no EHCP through primary and secondary
that must of been awful for him not getting his needs met
and yet again for a college place ,not getting his needs met
why would you be pushing to put him somewhere he’s not wanted ,it will clearly cause him more upset

my 2 boys needed EHCP ,took all my time fighting for them ,and ending up at tribunal to get it approved
but it’s what you do
it’s the system ,they don’t hand them out when they are needed ,yes it’s wrong parents have to apply themselves and do the hard work of tribunal,but it’s what you do to get the support they need .
i can’t imagine the state my boys would be in if they had gone through primary and secondary without one.
,it is hard to access help if you don’t know where to look ..do you have SENDIASS near you ..they are a great help especially if your not sure what to do
good luck

Underhisi · 19/09/2022 06:54

There is a shortage of places and independent specialist schools and colleges as businesses are picking and choosing who they want despite any section 41 status. I know someone who went through something similar so it doesn't surprise me.

Novum · 19/09/2022 07:36

Now 2 weeks before the SEND Tribunal hearing they are saying they have no place available for him. They have never raised this before and they would have known months ago how many they were admitting in September as the Tribunals and funding takes months! Could they be lying about this? If do how do I find out?

There isn't a cut-off point for special school places and they're perfectly entitled to carry on offering places up to and after the beginning of the college year. That said, if they offer places knowing there is an ongoing tribunal I guess you can argue that they have accepted the risk that they may end up going over numbers.

notanothertakeaway · 19/09/2022 07:45

Novum · 19/09/2022 07:36

Now 2 weeks before the SEND Tribunal hearing they are saying they have no place available for him. They have never raised this before and they would have known months ago how many they were admitting in September as the Tribunals and funding takes months! Could they be lying about this? If do how do I find out?

There isn't a cut-off point for special school places and they're perfectly entitled to carry on offering places up to and after the beginning of the college year. That said, if they offer places knowing there is an ongoing tribunal I guess you can argue that they have accepted the risk that they may end up going over numbers.

@Novum

But I could understand a school offering a place to pupil A, whose local authority are willing and able to commit NOW to pay fees, rather than hold a place for pupil B who MAY be successful at tribunal

I sympathise with OP and her child, but it may be true that there's no longer a space

And I agree with PP. I'm not sure I'd want to send my child to a school that had already told me they couldn't meet their needs. OTOH, it's hard when options are so limited and OP nor aware of anywhere better

Oblomov22 · 19/09/2022 07:58

What a shit situation. Knowing he isn't wanted, and worse still you can't find anywhere else is unpleasant.

Heronwatcher · 19/09/2022 08:03

Huge sympathy here sounds incredibly tough. But as someone with a child with disabilities one of the things I have always said is “do you want him to come here.” Any hesitation from schools/ clubs etc I won’t send him. I have to say they may look perfect on paper but they are making it very clear that they don’t want your son. Probably wrongly. But the minute anything goes wrong they’ll be on the phone to you saying that they were right all along. Is there really nowhere else he could go- what about if you moved house or changed area?

Noteverybodylives · 19/09/2022 08:58

Personally, I wouldn't be putting my son with a history of self harm into school who clearly don't want him and have every ability to make his life miserable.

I agree.

I would be doing everything I can to keep him from going there.

If he’s only been diagnosed at 17 then can you look into a small mainstream college?

Many mainstreamed have a history of self harm or some diagnosis of SEND but because the class sizes are smaller and they can choose to attend or not, many people find it much easier to deal with than school.

TrashyPanda · 19/09/2022 09:03

How old is your DS?

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