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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still go anyway despite birthday

34 replies

Goodnesss · 18/09/2022 23:38

Have been discussing for a while a winter break with my friend and our toddler aged children. Obviously discussed with DH who was fine with it but we didn't really know when it would be exactly until we'd looked properly.

Turns out the best week for us both is next month sometime so we are looking to book it. It works out well for friend in terms of her work during this week and it's a few bob cheaper than the other weeks we've been looking too.

Mentioned it to DH tonight and he's saying we should choose another week because it falls over my step sons birthday. He'll be 10. He's pissed off that I 'didn't remember' and that I still want to go anyway as I don't think it's a big deal.

I didn't remember as in 'oh no we can't possibly go then' kind of way when me and friend were discussing it but I do know when DSS's birthday is obviously. I just didn't think it was a big deal so it didn't enter my mind that we wouldn't be able to go then.

He's not even planning anything for it so far as I know (DH I mean).

I'm minded to just tell him it's when the best deal is so we'll be going then but we will celebrate with DSS another time (as in me and our DC) obviously DH will celebrate with DSS on his birthday.

OP posts:

Original poster

Goodnesss · 19/09/2022 07:23

Ladybyrd · 19/09/2022 07:22

The point is he won't see his dad on his birthday because his dad is away on holiday with his new family.

It isn't my stepdaughter's birthday, but we invited her to come with us when we go away next month. There have been times when we couldn't because she was at school. But I wouldn't plan something on her birthday, knowing she couldn't come, because that just seems hurtful. And I would prize not hurting her feelings above getting a cheap deal.

You've misunderstood, DH isn't coming.

OP posts:

Original poster

Goodnesss · 19/09/2022 07:24

Clymene · 19/09/2022 07:22

I think your husband is being a drama llama. I can't think your stepson is going to be too bothered.

Is your husband trying to stop you going away altogether do you think?

No, I've been away without him a few times he's not bothered by that. Both on my own and with DD. Think he just doesn't get why DSS's birthday obviously isn't as much of a big deal to me as it is him.

OP posts:

Ladybyrd · 19/09/2022 07:26

Oh right, completely misunderstood then! 🤦‍♀️ In that case, I agree. He gets to spend time 1:1 with his dad. DH is being unreasonable. I can't understand why that's an issue.

summergone · 19/09/2022 07:27

I think you should go , it's daft to pay more /mess your friend about . If your dss happens to come over on his actual birthday , which sounds unlikely, then he will have his dad to himself which I'm sure he will love .

Clymene · 19/09/2022 07:28

I'd just book it then. He's being ridiculous if you'd only see him for an hour. And he'd probably rather see his dad on his own without a toddler around anyway. They could go out to eat or something

luckylavender · 19/09/2022 07:29

I'd chose a different date. Also October isn't winter.

Original poster

Goodnesss · 19/09/2022 09:51

Thanks, will tell friend we'll book it later I think.

OP posts:

IDontWantToBuildAFuckingSnowman · 19/09/2022 17:25

Goodnesss · 19/09/2022 09:51

Thanks, will tell friend we'll book it later I think.

Enjoy and don't be guilted.

CookPassBabtridge · 19/09/2022 17:51

I think DSS would love to spend time with hs dad on his own.. this should happen MORE in blended families, not less. I don't get why some dads don't want to spend time alone with their kids.

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