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AIBU?

To wonder why people do this?

8 replies

96Queen · 18/09/2022 21:31

So my son's a competitive swimmer. He's quite young, might continue and get better, might drop out in the future. Who knows. Anyway, at the moment he loves it.

There are two kids at the club who are very good. Mainly because they swim between 7 and 12 sessions a week (they are 10 yes old, one of them does swimming at school and private lessons which is why they do many sessions), and partly because they are likely v talented. Anyway, the mums are v pushy and critical and get angry with the kids if they don't swim well.

That's all fine, not my style to be pushy, but everyone's different.

Anyway, at one point my son was equally as good as these kids. He hasn't taken off with training and doesn't do so many sessions (maybe 5 or 6 a week, which I think is enough for him at the mo), and perhaps naturally also isn't as good, so the other kids have started to get alot better.

What is bothering me is that the two kids who used to really like my son when they thought he was a good swimmer, have started being mean to him, and have dropped him as a friend now because he's not as good as them (🤷), and the mums have stopped talking to me and are acting all superior like they are in some special club for the mums of fast kids! It's really weird, but also quite sad. They've started only talking to the parents of other fast swimmers and barely even look at me now.

Why do people do this? Having a kid that is talented, fast or whatever doesn't mean you should only hang out with other parents of talented/fast kids does it? I'm sure they have encouraged their kids to drop my son too. It just feels weird and mean!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

29 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
24%
You are NOT being unreasonable
76%
ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 18/09/2022 21:35

Years ago there was a kid on my son's class, like Year 3 who was the best at everything, top marks, in the teams (private school so quite formal and competitive). His mum would encourage him to only befriend similar types so they formed a little clique at the "top". She wasn't actively horrible to the mediocre kids, though her son was, but it definitely felt a bit like she was scared he would catch "average" if he hung about with the wrong sort.

96Queen · 18/09/2022 21:38

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 18/09/2022 21:35

Years ago there was a kid on my son's class, like Year 3 who was the best at everything, top marks, in the teams (private school so quite formal and competitive). His mum would encourage him to only befriend similar types so they formed a little clique at the "top". She wasn't actively horrible to the mediocre kids, though her son was, but it definitely felt a bit like she was scared he would catch "average" if he hung about with the wrong sort.

Yes this is how it feels. There is a slightly older, prodigy type kid in the club (whose parents are quite nice actually), and these two mums (especially one) keeps sucking up to them, following them round. They blank me now. It's so odd but also makes me feel like they think we are beneath them and inferior and that my son is not worthy enough to be friends with their kids :(

OP posts:
00100001 · 18/09/2022 21:39

Eh, who wants friends like that? Better off without them.



People are weridos. It's like they see their self worth through the "achievements" of their children. As if they should be proud they're raising arrogant twats.

Stopthebusplease · 18/09/2022 21:45

I don't know why people do this, but I do know that I wouldn't be bothered by it, other than the fact that the kids are being nasty to your son. Unfortunately, the other 2 boys are being brought up by mothers who you have said are 'pushy', but you clearly don't want your son to feel the sort of pressure that these kids are under, and are likely to continue to be under, because their parents are vicariously getting their kicks through their kids achievements. In your shoes I would use this as an opportunity to teach your child that there are a lot of nasty people in the world and the more you want to compete in life, whether it be sport, work or whatever, you will have to learn to cope with it. Tell him that if he wants to continue to improve in his sport, you've totally got his back and will do everything you can to encourage and support him, but you don't want him to feel that he has to do something that he really isn't in to, as much as some others may be.

WhereAreTheLostPens · 18/09/2022 21:57

Stopthebusplease · 18/09/2022 21:45

I don't know why people do this, but I do know that I wouldn't be bothered by it, other than the fact that the kids are being nasty to your son. Unfortunately, the other 2 boys are being brought up by mothers who you have said are 'pushy', but you clearly don't want your son to feel the sort of pressure that these kids are under, and are likely to continue to be under, because their parents are vicariously getting their kicks through their kids achievements. In your shoes I would use this as an opportunity to teach your child that there are a lot of nasty people in the world and the more you want to compete in life, whether it be sport, work or whatever, you will have to learn to cope with it. Tell him that if he wants to continue to improve in his sport, you've totally got his back and will do everything you can to encourage and support him, but you don't want him to feel that he has to do something that he really isn't in to, as much as some others may be.

Thanks Stopthebus! That's what I'm trying to do. Good to hear this advice too because sometimes I wonder whether I'm parenting wrong and maybe I should be pushy like these other mums. But then I see sense and read nice posts like this and realise maybe I'm doing ok, and maybe I should just ignore them and not let it bother me :) thank u

WhereAreTheLostPens · 18/09/2022 21:58

Ps. Sorry I name changed mid way through thread!!! :)

UWhatNow · 18/09/2022 22:04

It’s the adults, they are highly competitive so their whole mindset and self image is about being better than others and beating others. Low empathy. They have passed this on to their children. They sound like people to avoid tbh.

beechie12 · 18/09/2022 23:54

I've witnessed this and it's so weird. I did dancing at secondary school. A girl at the dance club was excellent and won lots of prizes but very nerdy with poor social skills at school. So she wouldn't speak to me at all at dancing but then tried to be friendly at school. It's the weirdest thing.

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