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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Heard it all now...

21 replies

FrazzleDazz · 18/09/2022 18:44

AIBU for being completely gobsmacked that DSD has asked if she can come back home a little bit later tonight as her mum has just got a new puppy...

In a normal situation that wouldn't even be a conversation, of course she can! However she lives with us 95% of the time as her mum has openly said she can't afford to contribute anything towards her upbringing (school/uniform/clothing/bus travel/school lunch/general upbringing!). To the point that when she was challenged on this last year and asked to make a small contribution to her bus fare, she decided to step away from DSD rather than pay for her bus travel to and from school on her contact evenings.

It goes without saying nothing of this will be even muttered to DSD but I'm just so frustrated on her behalf!

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 18/09/2022 18:45

Some people are very different!

Pilipalapal · 18/09/2022 18:48

That’s awful 😞

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/09/2022 18:49

Yes, bite your lip. Bloody awful behaviour though. Even if the puppy was free she has taken on the commitment of food and vets/insurance.

Original poster
FrazzleDazz · 18/09/2022 18:53

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/09/2022 18:49

Yes, bite your lip. Bloody awful behaviour though. Even if the puppy was free she has taken on the commitment of food and vets/insurance.

I will don't worry, I'm well practiced! I just can't believe it is essentially saying you'd rather contribute to an animals upbringing than your own child, she's old enough too pick this up too ☹️

OP posts:
StridTheKiller · 18/09/2022 19:09

She won't have the puppy for long. These types of people never do.

Actupfishy · 18/09/2022 19:14

She sounds like a right piece of work.

keep doing what you’re doing…your dsd is lucky to have you.

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/09/2022 19:19

Well thank god DSD has you

I suspect she’ll get bored of the puppy soon

Original poster
FrazzleDazz · 18/09/2022 19:19

StridTheKiller · 18/09/2022 19:09

She won't have the puppy for long. These types of people never do.

Exactly was DP has said, she has previous for abandoning them, we ended up rehoming the last poor thing she gave up on with a friend because it was too upsetting for DSD for the dog to go...

OP posts:
OrangePumpkinLobelia · 18/09/2022 19:20

Aaahhh. Thanks

Flowers to you and your DSD. The poor little thing. I am so glad she has you.

hattie43 · 18/09/2022 19:21

StridTheKiller · 18/09/2022 19:09

She won't have the puppy for long. These types of people never do.

And it certainly won't be insured or trained .

Original poster
FrazzleDazz · 18/09/2022 19:24

Yes that's another worry...if it's untrained, not exercised, uninsured etc it's just adding the already not great environment 😕

OP posts:
weebarra · 18/09/2022 20:26

Just grin and bear it I suppose. DD has a friend whose mum really struggles and works incredibly hard in a low paid job. She needs to use food banks etc. She has also just got a new puppy to add to the (notoriously illness prone) dog she already has.

MugginsOverEre · 18/09/2022 20:29

Get the CSA or whatever it's called now on to her. If dads don't get to give up paying with no consequence then mums shouldn't either.

FredrikaPeri · 18/09/2022 20:32

MugginsOverEre · 18/09/2022 20:29

Get the CSA or whatever it's called now on to her. If dads don't get to give up paying with no consequence then mums shouldn't either.

Yep

DancingDragonfly · 18/09/2022 20:35

Similar here.

Daughter lives with me but her dad bought a puppy to encourage her to go over there. He hasn't contributed a penny towards school clothes/school lunches/bus pass £400 a term or clothes and general living costs. Puppy now grown and she lost interest.

He's also just taken her to Spain/France and driven her around in a hired Tesla (her dream car). Not a penny towards her essential costs though!!! Don't claim CS as I thought he wouldn't be able to afford it!!

Original poster
FrazzleDazz · 18/09/2022 22:05

MugginsOverEre · 18/09/2022 20:29

Get the CSA or whatever it's called now on to her. If dads don't get to give up paying with no consequence then mums shouldn't either.

I'm not sure she'd have to pay anything that's the problem, she hasn't worked for years, I don't understand it enough though, DP has mentioned it tonight though as it really is a bit of an eye opener.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrazzleDazz · 18/09/2022 22:09

DancingDragonfly · 18/09/2022 20:35

Similar here.

Daughter lives with me but her dad bought a puppy to encourage her to go over there. He hasn't contributed a penny towards school clothes/school lunches/bus pass £400 a term or clothes and general living costs. Puppy now grown and she lost interest.

He's also just taken her to Spain/France and driven her around in a hired Tesla (her dream car). Not a penny towards her essential costs though!!! Don't claim CS as I thought he wouldn't be able to afford it!!

This is also my worry, I know it's not practical for her to spend more time there as she isn't provided for but I hope this new puppy isn't a play to draw her up there. Her mum will always be her mum but if I'm brutally honest she hasn't been a "mum" for years. It's been a role I've been happy to fill but I do worry how much DSD can still be manipulated by her as she's drilled into her for years that she "can't" pay for her, do anything for her etc so she accepts it 😔

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 18/09/2022 22:10

Exh stood on my doorstep whining about how his life changed forever because he got a dog and his much money she cost how much upheaval there was with the dog he barely sees his children and does everything in his power to avoid paying for them I just nodded walked inside and told my pillow all about him being a twat

TibetanTerrah · 18/09/2022 22:12

StridTheKiller · 18/09/2022 19:09

She won't have the puppy for long. These types of people never do.

She'll put it up for rehoming (for money of course) on FB because she'll realise <shock horror> puppies cost money!

Or is she the type to do a GoFundMe for vets bills OP? Wink

Original poster
FrazzleDazz · 18/09/2022 22:16

Isaidnoalready · 18/09/2022 22:10

Exh stood on my doorstep whining about how his life changed forever because he got a dog and his much money she cost how much upheaval there was with the dog he barely sees his children and does everything in his power to avoid paying for them I just nodded walked inside and told my pillow all about him being a twat

I know it's madness, we've got a family pet and I am painfully aware of the cost, especially with all other bills going through the roof it blows my mind!

OP posts:
Original poster
FrazzleDazz · 18/09/2022 22:41

Just found out it's a massive breed (really needs loads of exercise!) which I didn't know before as I've just seen a photo...the house is tiny!! Can anyone suggest and deep breathing techniques 😅

OP posts:
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