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AIBU?

To buy DSC second hand presents?

24 replies

Thrifty94 · 18/09/2022 15:12

I've started buying Christmas presents earlier than usual this year to spread the cost as we've been hit pretty hard by the price increases. As well as starting earlier I'm trying to shop smarter and buy second hand where I can.

Our DD is into L.O.L dolls. I found some in perfect condition on Vinted complete with the accessories so I've bought her two which I'll gift wrap in nice boxes etc.

Our DS loves super wings. I bought him a selection of the super wings transformer toys on ebay which I'll gift wrap in nice boxes, as above. 13 toys in great conditi for the price you'd pay for 1 brand new.

Anyhow. I suggested DH looks on Ebay/Vinted when it comes to buying presents for DSC. I'm not suggesting he buy everything second hand, simply some stuff - so long as it's in good condition ofc.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable and that DSC and their mother would be offended. He's happy to buy second hand for ours, but not DSC.

WIBU?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

128 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
11%
You are NOT being unreasonable
89%
CakeCrumbs44 · 18/09/2022 15:14

Second hand gifts are a great idea, as long as they're in decent condition. Every year I get my kids books and toys from the charity shop or Facebook marketplace.

However I am not sure LOL dolls would work second hand - isn't the whole point to unwrap layers and layers of paper and plastic to "reveal" what's inside. If you can replicate that then it could work, but she might not receive it well. Depends on the child I suppose.

mamabear715 · 18/09/2022 15:14

I'm guessing he's trying to keep relations with his ex reasonable? Plus, SC's ages would have some bearing on it - easy for very young children, I wouldn't do it for older ones?

gogohmm · 18/09/2022 15:20

Buy second hand!

I work in a charity shop and we even have things donated brand new

Needmorelego · 18/09/2022 15:24

It depends what they like and hope to get. If they like Lego and are happy with any type to add to their pile then fine. If they really want one of the sets in a specific theme that's just been released then no.
Buying something secondhand for the sake of buying secondhand but not really getting something they want defeats the point.

Lcb123 · 18/09/2022 15:25

As long as the condition is good, it’s much better for your wallet and the environment. Kids won’t even know - and if they’re older it’s good to promote this to them

ClocksGoingBackwards · 18/09/2022 15:27

I voted YANBU, but I think it depends partly on the ages of the children involved and what they have asked for. it also depends on wether or not your DH can afford it.

A four year old isn’t going to care or even notice if their LOL dolls are second hand, but a 14 year old will notice and will care if it’s something they’re not used to.

There’s also the fact that it’s not easy to find what you want second hand. It takes much more time and effort to trawl through various pre loved sites than it does to but directly from the shop that you know will stock what you want. I can understand why your DH would want to just buy from a shop.

aSofaNearYou · 18/09/2022 15:33

Pretty shitty attitude from your DP. Who is buying the presents for them, him or you? The wording suggests you'll be the one picking and buying their presents - which I wouldn't bother with with this attitude.

Noteverybodylives · 18/09/2022 15:53

YANBU I always buy second hand stuff but I do understand your partners thinking.

I’s never buy my nieces or nephews second hand gifts, even though I am incredibly close to them as I’d be worried about their parents reactions.

Why can’t you buy them and then the DCs open them at yours?
Then their mum will never know they were second hand.

mycatisannoying · 18/09/2022 15:58

It's up to him what he does.

Popaholic · 18/09/2022 16:04

Well the best way to approach it is budget. Tell DH he ca do what he likes but there is only £x to spend on each child to be completely fair.

If you end up getting awesome good value gifts within budget cos you opted for 2nd hand for the kids you have together then DH should accept it is his problem if DSC is disappointed to only get one small brand new thing because DH insisted.

DH will be happy presumably to explain why DSC has a much smaller gift than the other kids.

Emmelina · 18/09/2022 16:19

I don’t think it’s unreasonable. You’ve bought your own children second-hand too, it’s not like you’re splurging on your own and the DSC are getting charity shop tat.

nachoavocado · 18/09/2022 16:22

You can buy second hand for all your children and the DSD if you want to get them something and he can buy brand new for all of his children.

ColouringPencils · 18/09/2022 16:25

I don't see it as a competitive thing about money between DC and DSC. I buy secondhand for my own children as I know they won't mind and it is the 'culture' in our household. I also buy for other close relatives but only if I know they won't mind secondhand and I do check first. In a way, it symbolises to me the closeness of our relationship, because undoubtedly some people would be offended by second hand. So I see where your DH is coming from.

BigglyBee · 18/09/2022 16:34

It sounds like he has just volunteered to buy all the presents for the children who are just his. Excellent, that will save you s lot of work and stress (so long as he stays within budget).

Stompythedinosaur · 18/09/2022 16:41

It depends on ages a bit - I'm guessing your dc are younger? Older kids may be more bothered about recieving a second hand gift, particularly if they are used to recieving new gifts. Presumably their df doesn't want them to feel like they have been "downgraded".

I am a bit 😮at the idea of second hand lols. Surely opening them is a significant part of the fun of the toy?

ConfusedBear · 18/09/2022 16:50

Surely it depends what DSC wants as a present?

I buy second hand for my child and have got second hand for friends/family before when I think that is the best present available.
But I know it's what the person will like.

My child is still playing with toys, but I can imagine that when older I would look for second hand musical instruments/bikes/books etc. I tend to check if something is available used before buying new so expect to carry on doing that.

CatchersAndDreams · 18/09/2022 16:51

My favourite present I've ever had was a pink second hand bike.

I did say YANBU but reading the comments I now think it depends on ages. I bought my dc second hand presents when they were primary and under. I think it's okay to buy second hand for teenagers with things like tech/stunt scooters but wouldn't give them a second hand book for a present.

TwiggletLover · 18/09/2022 16:53

Absolutely nothing wrong with second hand I buy lots of my DC toys from
EBay etc but I have to say that LOL dolls are an exception to this. The surprise element is the main attraction of them in my opinion

IAmTheUsername · 18/09/2022 16:54

Ask him where he's taking the money from to buy new? From the food budget? Rent?
Is it they're getting less but new?
I think it is probably for the best he explains that he is struggling to make ends meet and ask if they'd like less new or more secondhand.

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 18/09/2022 16:57

I buy second hand for my dds. They are now 14 and 10 so not quite as easy but still find some gems! For everything new I check out the bargain thread here, rarely pay full price for anything!!

Those saying about lols, I bought lots second hand for dd2. I wrapped in tissue paper and used balls from ones we had bought from new. Also I spoke to dd2, I said would you rather have 3/4 dolls that you want without the worry of getting a duplicate or 1 brand new one. She preferred knowing she wasn't getting a double.

Sooverthisnow · 18/09/2022 16:57

Nothing wrong with secondhand. My Auntie bought a mixed box of Lego for a fiver from a charity shop year ago for the grandchildren. It turned out to be an entire Harry Potter castle and a load of Star Wars kits, all with the instructions laid neatly in the bottom.

Floofboopsnootandbork · 18/09/2022 17:02

Sooverthisnow · 18/09/2022 16:57

Nothing wrong with secondhand. My Auntie bought a mixed box of Lego for a fiver from a charity shop year ago for the grandchildren. It turned out to be an entire Harry Potter castle and a load of Star Wars kits, all with the instructions laid neatly in the bottom.

My mum did the same once, bought a huge load of lego for £15 and when we opened it realised it’s thousands of pounds worth of Lego sets 😅 She messaged him offering to give him some more money as a couple of the sets my nephew had wanted for years but never got because of the price but he said he’s happy just knowing it’s gone to kids who will enjoy it as much as he originally did.

SmallestInTheClass · 18/09/2022 17:05

I buy 2nd hand for my own for branded toys eg Sylvanian Families so would happily do the same for other family members. Some people are really funny about 2nd hand though so depends on your family.

deedledeedledum · 18/09/2022 17:16

mycatisannoying · 18/09/2022 15:58

It's up to him what he does.

Totally depends on how the OP and her dh budget for things. If all the kids presents come from the same budget then it certainly isn't ok to overspend on some kids if it means the OPs family go hungry

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