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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I have gone to this meetup?

20 replies

Parisienne12 · 18/09/2022 13:48

I guess some people here are familiar with the Meetup group/app.
I live in a big city and I'm really looking to make friends, there was one happening in a big café that I like so I decided to not rsvp but to go along and see from afar what it was like.
I then noticed it had said 'fun and dating' in the title.
I got there and it was 7 men and one woman (probably all under 30)
I think that put me off, though I'm sure they were perfectly nice. I have a partner so not looking for dating, but aside from that I've always found male friendships hard to navigate.
I'm sure there are and will be plenty of men who have zero interest in me and there have been, but I've definitely been unlucky with male friendships. I have had one who seemed completely platonic but he just drifted sadly.
The ones I had, most of them didn't want me as a girlfriend but made it clear they wouldn't say no to sex and found me attractive.
I thought I was becoming good friends with an ex school mate who had a long term partner, until he messaged me at 2am saying "You being single is a waste".
I told him it was inappropriate and don't speak to him anymore.
However I'm sure I've massively over thought things and maybe should give this group a chance?
If it's got dating in the title though and is predominantly men, I'm not sure if they'd have the same expectations.

OP posts:
Parisienne12 · 18/09/2022 13:49

I know men and women can totally be friends, and even when they recognise one another is attractive. But don't want ones who are secretly lurking hoping to get something out of it or who are just plain inappropriate

OP posts:
Glitteratitar · 18/09/2022 13:51

Going to a dating event when you’re not looking to date - No, YANBU to want to go.

Assuming all men want more than friendship with you - Yes, YABU. Some people do just want to be friends…

Parisienne12 · 18/09/2022 13:52

You're right, they definitely do. I was just unfortunate to be friends with a few inappropriate men I think but I need to give more a chance and not be guarded..

OP posts:
Parisienne12 · 18/09/2022 13:53

I used to live abroad and go to a languages club. It was 95% men there who I think were using it to meet potentia

OP posts:
Parisienne12 · 18/09/2022 13:54

Oops.. potential dates* which I don't blame them for at all, good on them for putting themselves out there.
But again it ended with the same dynamic

OP posts:
LilyPeace · 18/09/2022 13:58

I wouldn't go to a dating event to make friends, and if I went to a dating event I'd be disappointed to meet people already in relationships. Hopefully there's a more suitable meet up you could go along to locally, I'm in a similar boat trying to expand my friendship circle and I know it's tough.

satelliteheart · 18/09/2022 14:00

Your op seems a little confused tbh. Of course not all men want to sleep with you, plenty will be happy to be just friends. But to go to a meet up group specifically for people looking to date is completely inappropriate if you're in a relationship. It's really disrespectful to your partner. Find a meet up that's just for friendship, otherwise you're giving the wrong impression and have no right to get upset when the men there want to sleep with you

Parisienne12 · 18/09/2022 14:00

I mean it's called 'fun and dating' but it's hard to gauge really.
That woman is brave to be there alone with 7 men!
I have an art group I go to so hopefully I'll start to make friends there.
Will look for sports groups too.

OP posts:
Parisienne12 · 18/09/2022 14:01

I didn't initially see it mentioned dating. As i said it was called 'fun and dating' which implies that it's not only dating.

OP posts:
Parisienne12 · 18/09/2022 14:02

Anyway I won't be going. Feel a bit sorry for the men though, they were probably hoping for more women there!

OP posts:
26twentysix · 18/09/2022 14:02

Fun and dating implies for people looking to date and for people looking for no strings attacked sex.

Not fun as in making balloon animals 🙃

Parisienne12 · 18/09/2022 14:04

It's a bit of a sleazy title for meetup!

OP posts:
britneyisfree · 18/09/2022 14:10

Fun and dating. Not fun or dating. 🤣

SpinningFloppa · 18/09/2022 14:12

I’m not sure what the question is, you are in a relationship but asking if you should have gone to a meet up for fun and dating? Fun suggests casual dating etc

mountainsunsets · 18/09/2022 14:13

Parisienne12 · 18/09/2022 14:04

It's a bit of a sleazy title for meetup!

Eh? What's sleazy about "fun and dating"?

JamMakingWannaBe · 18/09/2022 14:29

I think you just need to choose another group/meet-up. Where I am there are women only ones, walking groups, book clubs, restaurant meet-ups etc.

dworky · 18/09/2022 14:32

Yes, meetups are great & cover all different types of interests, social groups etc. Why did you pick a dating rather than a friendship group?

Sciurus83 · 18/09/2022 14:34

Meetup have women only events, sounds like that might be more your bag

Noteverybodylives · 18/09/2022 14:35

It’s a dating meet up - it’s literally for people looking to date.

If that’s not you, don’t go.

What is this app called?
Are you sure it’s not a dating one?

I feel sorry for the women being there on her own. But I guess she’d have had her pick lol.

coldcoldheartt · 18/09/2022 14:37

Yes the 'fun' part probably refers to no strings attached sex. The 'dating' part will refer to, well, dating. In the more traditional sense.
So yes, completely the wrong type of group to attend Grin

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