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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I right to be annoyed?

9 replies

Disneyblueeyes · 18/09/2022 13:06

My DH has a sports car and has various friends who have similar cars. This morning he went out at 5am (waking me up in the process) to drive to some hills somewhere to drive round with his mates. He's still not home. He told me he was 'going for a drive in the morning'. He has only gone a couple of hours away, so I'm a bit annoyed he's not home and won't be until about 3pm. How long does it take ??

We've got a 2 year old and she's very testing at times. She's just tried my patience all morning which hasn't helped my mood at all. I've tried taking her out for a bit but she's just been really whiney all morning. It just annoys me that while he's out having a nice drive, probably went for a nice fry up somewhere, I'm here constantly tidying up after her and trying to keep her entertained. It's so boring. At least if he's here I can actually go off and do some bits I actually want to do.

It doesn't help that only last night he told me he'd booked a day at a race track over in Wales and asked if we could make it into a family holiday. Except it won't be will it, while he drives round his race track on the Sunday I'll have to take my toddler and find something to do as she's not going to want to stand next to a freezing race track.

I'll admit it, it doesn't happen every weekend, and he does let me sleep in the odd Saturday, and I am struggling a bit with the toddler phase (she doesn't do as she's told for a start), but AIBU to feel a bit annoyed about this?
He always says I'm so understanding but I'm starting to think he's taking advantage of that. Half his mates are currently going through divorces because they spend more time and money on their cars than they do their families. He feels very lucky to have me blah blah...

OP posts:
DDivaStar · 18/09/2022 13:52

I think it depends on frequency, you say ots not every weekend. You're both entitled to time away from the family but it should be equal so make sure next weekend you take a day to fo what you want and h is in charge of dd.

DDivaStar · 18/09/2022 13:54

Oh and if you don't want to go to Wales say so. Again you can arrange a day out/weekend with friends another time .

WhatWouldHopperDo · 18/09/2022 14:00

Would he be happy for you to go off for the bulk of the day at the weekend? If so that seems fair. If he can’t/won’t have the toddler by himself he’s a dick.

Heartsofstone · 09/12/2022 02:19

No no you are not right to be annoyed. Your dd is. She has been told Toddler’s life is more important, I am not waiting 45 mins for you, you can walk in the dark and the cold and get the bus alone. And no understanding or support from Mum. What have you got to be annoyed about exactly?

NewBootsAndRanty · 09/12/2022 02:25

She has been told Toddler’s life is more important, I am not waiting 45 mins for you, you can walk in the dark and the cold and get the bus alone

What?

OnTheBackOfMyFoot · 09/12/2022 07:26

YANBU. The thing that would piss me off about this is that there seems to be no discussion about it. He assumes that you're the default parent and he can just leave you to it without checking. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with him having some time to pursue his hobby but it's just common courtesy to check it's OK with you first and to make sure you get equal time to yourself too.

LolaSmiles · 09/12/2022 07:29

The Wales trip would annoy me, but if he's enjoying his hobby and it's not every weekend then I don't have a problem with that in itself.
What is a problem is if you aren't getting equal time to rest, recharge and do your own hobbies.

Shemovesshemoves21 · 09/12/2022 07:43

NewBootsAndRanty · 09/12/2022 02:25

She has been told Toddler’s life is more important, I am not waiting 45 mins for you, you can walk in the dark and the cold and get the bus alone

What?

I think the poster has written on the wrong thread!

Shemovesshemoves21 · 09/12/2022 07:47

Is he happy for you to go out and look after DD on his own? Have you spoken to him about how you're unhappy with the current set up? Does he do this every weekend? Does he book these trips without discussing with you first often?

If its a one off drive, I'd let it slide. Booking a trip away with the assumption you'll just go with DD isn't on and I'd be ticked off with that BUT it may be that he thought he was doing something nice for the family (but in reality it's not...). If its a pain, just don't go and tell him why.

Plan a day for yourself and look forward to it.

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