To ask for pros and cons or experiences of residential schools please?

[Mumto191]

I have an autistic DD who is 9. Her behaviour over the last 1-2 years has just deteriorated to a point where I am struggling to cope. We have had every intervention possible - from medications, to psychiatric inputs, social workers etc - and nothing has changed.

I raise her by myself and also have a chronic illness that only gets worse over time and impacts on my health quite a bit and this along with my DD’s behaviour is just running me into the ground - I dread waking up in the morning, I dread her coming home from school every day.

She is aggressive to herself and others, she is impulsive and destructive (destroys the house, smashes tvs and devices that I can’t afford to replace).

I am in such a horrible situation because on the one hand, I think the only way forward is for her to potentially go to a residential school setting where they have a routine, 24/7 staff around etc and I have had some friends whose disabled children have thrived in that environment but on the other hand the mum guilt is real, I worry about what if DD misses me or is upset and I don’t know about it etc - it’s just fucking shit.

Has anyone got any experiences etc that could help me decide if this is something I should look into or not please?

ultimately it’s a tough decision and there is no correct answer. I would suggest going to look round some - makes it much more vivid and real
so easier to weigh it up.

There’s nothing to feel guilty about by looking into it. Just getting information can’t possibly be the wrong thing to do.

If you look into it, you might find there’s nowhere suitable for her that you can get a place at anyway, in which case it’s a moot point. Or, you might find somewhere wonderful where she would thrive and be enabled to be be the best she can be and there would be nothing to feel guilty about there either.

My ds was a weekly boarder from the age of 15. He has severe asd. It was brilliant. He was very happy there and it was also very beneficial for us as a family.

I think you have to recognise that life for a dc with autism is often not ideal. You are left with looking for the least bad option.

If she goes to a residential school, she may miss you sometimes, but she will be safe and cared for and you may be more able to take pleasure in your time together. If she stays at home, she may feel more settled (initially) but you may not be able, as a single person with health issues, to offer her the same amount of care and activities.

There's no right or wrong, just choices to weigh up. You are being a good parent by considering the options.

Similar situation but my dd is 15. I was hopefully going to send her to residential college when she finished at her special school at 19. But I am hoping to send her earlier now. This is all dependent on how long it takes to get funding,as it can take a couple of years.
I'm exhausted with 15 years of caring . I had a full time job up until February but had to give it up when she became more difficult to manage. She would thrive in a residential setting. At the moment the only time she has any social life is when she's at school. We've just lost our PA,so life is going to get harder as she lived for going out with her.
Its really hard & I get you.