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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you see living abroad as being successful

78 replies

Whattimedoyoucallthisthen · 18/09/2022 09:55

If someone you knew had left the U.K., moved abroad and started a new life, would you see that as them having been successful?
What would you think of them?

OP posts:
autocollantes · 18/09/2022 10:52

I'm abroad and I don't see it as a success per se for me or other Brits.

Brits who move abroad as an adult to a country that isn't native English speaking (ie Australia) and learn the language from scratch as a means to live and integrate there, I see as an achievement. Absolutely. What I tend to see though is very rarely that. They tend to group together in "expat groups" (even if they've moved there permanently, rather than there on a 4-yr contract before the next country) and stick to English while complaining that they tried to learn the language but they're not great with languages.

For the ones living like that I'd say life is usually trickier than in an English speaking country. But that's it.

For the few who learn the language, integrate decently and work in a role that requires the country's language , then yes, it is an achievement. And I'd call them successful.

Moving abroad on an expat contract with health insurance, school fees and rent payed with multiple return flights for family every year and a free car (and sometimes fuel) and a tax free or tax reduced income, no I don't see that as success. Although I used to think it was, because those people certainly look like they've "made it".

Rinatinabina · 18/09/2022 10:54

Not really, we moved abroad, have more money yeah but tbh you still have to go to the supermarket. Child of immigrants anyway so it doesn’t seem like such a biggie. Just going where the work is really. I’m glad I moved though, it’s still a life experience.

Whynobreadpudding · 18/09/2022 11:35

What about the immigrants living in the U.K., speaking fluent English, would you think of them as successful?

arethereanyleftatall · 18/09/2022 11:59

What an odd post! Who knows? Based on what you have written in your op, ie basically nothing, I wouldn't think anything either way.

PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 18/09/2022 12:02

No.

It's possible that I might consider that what they're doing there made them successful though.

declutteringmymind · 18/09/2022 12:08

The ones I have known to move abroad have done well, but no better that they would have done in the uk but it's six of one and half a dozen of the other. Eg great weather but high school fees, or language barrier.

Noix · 18/09/2022 12:10

Reverse the question, do you see foreigners in the UK as successful?

Migrants are migrants.
Unless you are a refugee who survived warfare/escaped then living in another country is a lifestyle choice, not a success story in itself. Imho.

Singleandproud · 18/09/2022 12:16

I wouldn't have any opinion on them apart from perhaps that they are brave / courageous as I imagine moving to a new country especially if it includes a different language.

But success is about your own personal goals. My goal was to provide DD with a stable home and to be financially stable. I was successful in that I bought a 2 bedroom flat which I will have paid off in 5 years time. Some people wouldn't see that as successful though as we dont live in the bigger house we could do if I had taken out a large mortgage but then I would be much more stressed and concerned about the cost if living crisis than I am.

If someone's goal is to move abroad and to immerse themselves or family in a new culture than the person that has moved overseas, whether permanently or temporarily has been successful.

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 18/09/2022 12:16

FILTH! (‘Failed in London try Hong Kong’)

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 18/09/2022 12:17

It’s a saying - I don’t necessarily believe it!

Hellokittymania · 18/09/2022 12:18

Hi, it depends what your definition of success is. Also, remember a lot of people go abroad, not from the UK but from other countries, to work as maids, or construction workers, etc. They send the money they earn home, but it’s a tough living. Not really sunshine and beaches like a lot of people would think. I have a disability, and have lived abroad for most of my life. But then again, to me, the UK is just as foreign. And I also have to deal with the very close minded attitudes of people with disabilities here. Not all, but many. In life, you do have a choice you make of it what she will. Yes, things are difficult when you do have a disability, but attitude makes such a difference. I was living in Asia for a very long time, which is a completely different way of life, attitude toward many things, I had to be creative a lot of the time because you didn’t have things like benefits, or couldn’t just go to a charity to get any technology, not that I had access to any of that at the time. He couldn’t get government grants if he wanted to do a program, or funding for school. I don’t know, I still have a hard time with peoples way of thinking here. I accept it for what it is, but I just I’m at the point where I do my own thing and I’m happy that way.

also, I had to work very, very hard over the years. Much harder than anyone even realizes, and I was working with people with disabilities in a very very rural area of Vietnam. Again, not at the beach by the pool every day. People think the grass is greener, but remember the grass is greener over the sewage tank.

One more point, for me anyway, I don’t have a support system like I do in other places when I’m in the UK. But getting a visa or a green card or anything takes time, hard work, and loads of heartache. I now have my EU passport, thankfully, so can stay where my friends are. But it took five years to get it on my mother is a French national.

whumpthereitis · 18/09/2022 12:24

Moved countries as a kid. Have lived in three now in total, moving back to one (not homeland) in a couple of years. I don’t think it’s an unusual thing to do, but emigration is considered ‘normal’ in some countries more so than in others.

I don’t see it as a mark of achievement in itself, no. It’s what you do with the opportunity once you’re there that would determine whether you’ve achieved something.

Thejoyfulstar · 18/09/2022 12:26

I moved abroad and love my life. I do a run of the mill job and my day to day life is generally similar to the UK in that I have to get myself to work and kids to school, clean the house, bring kids to the doctor etc etc. But the culture is very enjoyable, we have impromptu weekends away to fab places and our quality of life is great. For me, I feel like our move was a success and I'm happier than I would be back in the UK. Our kids have a wonderful life too. For us, yes. It has been a success.

Pyewhacket · 18/09/2022 12:30

My husband and I worked overseas for several years, which meant we were able to buy our house outright on our return. By that measure we achieved everything we set out to but I was ever so glad to come home.

I've also known freinds , and family, who've held a big party before leaving for Australia only to return a few years later and have to start all over again.

Jagoda · 18/09/2022 12:30

It's difficult to know what you mean OP - can you elaborate? Does this relate to a specific situation? It sounds like you might be jealous of someone?

I lived and worked abroad for a few years in my twenties. I loved it, and had a great time. It never occurred to me that people would be judging me as being more or less successful because of it.

CakeMonster1 · 18/09/2022 12:31

Depends where they've moved to and what they do.

If they are single, a couple or as a family and fully integrate (learn the language, immerse in the culture, kids in local schools being taught in a second language, eating local cuisine and contributing to local life/wildlife/environment rather) etc yes hugely successful.

If they move abroad, loaf about not immersing in culture and treating it like a little Britain (drinking beer all day, just sitting in English bars with clicky expats slagging off the local customs and traditions and moaning about 'back home they do this' whilst eating full English breakfast and putting kids in private English schools as refuse to mix with the local people etc) then not a successful life imo.

I know a few people who moved abroad, luckily none of them were the latter and I would class them as successful. They left the rat race, went abroad to start a new life, go to work, their kids are now bilingual after schooling in local schools, they finish work, meet up with the local people and integrate in the community. They spend weekends chilling in the sun (away from tourist areas) and have a laid back lifestyle where they can actually relax and enjoy a slower paced life with their kids in a safer environment.

Sorry going green eyed just thinking about it. Hats off to anyone willing to get out of their comfort zone and experience what the rest of the world has to offer, even if it does only work out short term.

Skethylita · 18/09/2022 12:33

I'm an immigrant to the UK and yes, I consider that a success. I moved when I was 19, straight after finishing 6th form.

  • English is a foreign language to me and I have learned it to a native level and, as one of my university professors liked to point out, my English is often better than that of natives.
  • I have an established life here, and am dealing with all the systems and paperwork as if I had lived with them my whole life.
  • I have made my way through university and jobs here while being a single mum, and I am a net contributor to the system.
  • I have obtained citizenship when the Brexit shit hit the fan - that's proving I speak the language well, learning 10,000 years' worth of British history and culture, and paying around £2000 to get there.

Emigrating alone was not a success, perhaps, but sticking with it in the tough times definitely was.

Newgirls · 18/09/2022 12:33

Not really

Poeple from all over the world aspire to live/work in London so it’s all relative

doing something different from your old school friends seems to be key - being better or different in some way?

brookstar · 18/09/2022 12:37

No, not really.

Why would somebody doing my job in another country be any more successful than me? It's just different life choices

user1487194234 · 18/09/2022 12:38

Not always of course,but IME a fair number of people move abroad for a fresh start eg after an affair

Blaggertyjibbet · 18/09/2022 12:38

I live abroad and don’t think it’s particularly useful as a sign of success. The ones I always find amusing (in a cringe TV sort of way) are the Americans on their first work placement overseas with their company. They absolutely see it as a status symbol and you can always tell who is fresh off the boat because they come into their first few social events full of swagger like we should all be amazed they have come from such an impressive country which is also so far away. They figure out pretty quick that everyone is rolling their eyes because, news flash, we live in a globalized society and it’s pretty normal for people to move around for work these days. They’re the ones who also tend to cloister themselves off in airtight cliques of other Americans abroad and rarely learn the language or integrate, yet their Facebook feeds are full of #worldtraveler and such referencing how global they are now that they live abroad.

J0y · 18/09/2022 12:39

It really depends. In the 90s I went to London. I'd failed to get in to university at home and i'd failed to get a good job in Dublin, so I certainly did not feel like a success!! despite never having had a moment's difficulty getting work in the uk I felt like the success stories made it work without having to emigrate.
It so depends though, on the job, the countries, how dynamic you are! I thinking was a home body. I ended up doing what felt like a brave thing st 22, but I felt forced in to that action by BAD luck.

JUST my experience. I know some people cannot wait to go somewhere new.

Sometimes myvDD says "i want to live in LA' and I think.... why, will it be different there?

berksandbeyond · 18/09/2022 12:40

Success is subjective.
I do look and people who have never moved and live in the same rubbish town they grew up in, and wonder did they never dream of more? But maybe they didn't!

J0y · 18/09/2022 12:45

Ha ha that's me, back in my rubbish town again but can afford a house, I have got a local job now too so I walk to work, walk home living and working in the town I grew up in. But I have changed a lot in the last 30 years. I'm a work in progress. I have hardly been on holiday in a decade due to being single parent to two teens, then covid... now my daughter would come away with me.

Sometimes I do think about living and working where I grew up, but would anything be any different if I moved away?? If I went to Sligo or Market Harborough, I'd still have to work, try and make a life, put the rubbish out! Pay the bills!!

J0y · 18/09/2022 12:47

Actually my town is far from rubbish
That helps.