AIBU? Meeting friend

[Iknowforsure1]

During the week my friend initiates the conversation about meeting up during the weekend with DC, so I text her yesterday morning offering plenty of times when I’m free to meet (any day), so she could choose what’s best for her. She texts back “she can’t be sure yet, she’ll text me back later to see how it goes, hopefully we can meet up if they are not too exhausted”. I’m tempted to ignore her soon to come short notice offer to meet. Don’t like sitting waiting to be called, especially when my DC also want to know what’s our plan for the day.

I'd message back to say that a last minute meet up doesnt fit in with your plans as your children would like to plan to do something and (if you feel like it) suggest that you put a different date in the diary.

It's not nice being 'plan b', so in your shoes I'd let her know you only want to meet up if she can commit to 'plan a' (the above message does that indirectly, by saying you want a definitely plan rather than 'seeing how it goes'.

I had a friend that did this and being plan b took its toll, eventually the friendship came to an end as I was fed up.

Make a plan for the day that suits you and your children. Enjoy your time! If your friend gets in touch later in the day you can let her know where she can find you. Don't put you and your children's life on hold to be your friend's plan b,c or d!

You do t have to sit and wait though, you can just get on with your weekend. If she gets in touch and you are busy it's fine to say so.

@piegone
I will definitely not wait, however it’s always at the back of my mind that she may text iykwim:(

And if she does and your busy you just say your busy. It's not the end of the world?

Plan for your DC, if you do hear from friend, see if it fits in with your plans, if it doesn't, say you've already made plans now & how about next w/e, for example? You can't sit around waiting for people.

Well if she does text you can reply, “Have ended up doing xxxx….another time?”

Don’t be on hold or at someone’s beck and call. Get on with your weekend.

If it’s going to stress you out, reply and say let’s leave it for this weekend and we can make some solid plans when you actually have time. Don’t hang around waiting for her.

This 'friend' stuff really annoys me. So, because you have a 'friend', you're entitled to demand her time and attention when she has other things to do? Wouldn't work for me. That demanding person would be a former/ex/non friend.

As would someone who keeps you on hold...

@Safari234
No it’s not really the end of the world. However I feel like waiting for a call from the GP to see if they can fit me in today lol. Just wanted to know if people feel the same in similar situations, and I’m overreacting a bit. Maybe I am.

Just go on with your day. If you aren't free when she texts then tell her so. It's not a big deal.

See I wouldn’t hand it to her like that. “I accept your dismissal this weekend, let me put aside more of my free time in future.”
Apologies if that seems combative but at the age of 47 I have learned what I and my free time is worth. I’d leave the ball in her court.

It’s fine to take note of the dynamic here. People are often spinning a lot of plates, it’s true. People are often wishy washy about plans too. That’s family amd working life.
But no. Don’t be anyone’s option.

It's a bit unclear to me from your OP but when she messaged you through the week did you reply that day or do you mean you have only just replied?

@StoppinBy
I did reply to her message straight away saying it would be great to meet, so we agreed to stay in touch about it. Naturally, I’m texting her again yesterday to confirm the time she wants to meet. That’s also why I’m a bit irritated. She offered to meet after all.

I totally understand OP. I don't get out much and I have a friend who has kids the same age as my little one. Countless times she has said for us to meet up or for me and the kids to come over on a Saturday and I will be looking forward to it and she ALWAYS CANCELS.

It's painful because literally I won't have anything else on so end up just staying at home.
I've actually stopped bothering with her at all now because I know she will let me down again.

100% of vote says you are not unreasonable. You are not overreacting to feel stressed by your friend maneuvering you in a position where you think you need to wait for her to tell you whether she can makes time to if no better options come along meet up with you today. Be an example to your kids and know the worth of your time / acknowledge your kids right to make plans rather than signalling to them that their needs come second to your friend maybe calling later (or maybe not)

Yes I’d be annoyed too. Not overtly…but it would be noted.

Some people like to have firm plans, others like to be a bit more flexible - if you were both in the same page then this wouldn't be a problem so it's not necessarily a question of one being right or wrong, just that your planning styles are incompatible. She's not asking you to sit around waiting for her to get in touch - crack on with your weekend and if she gets in touch then see if it works for you.

@DysmalRadius
I agree completely, we are actually both mutually understanding about the high stress lives we live etc. It’s still extra short notice isn’t it? Being on hold adds to the stress of the person on hold. I hardly plan things a month in advance... So the alternative is “are you free in an hour”, and it starts to sting tbh. Something’s just come up anyway so I can fill the time with something else later this weekend for my DC. Which is a shame, because I’d rather meet my friend, but can’t wait for her to decide any longer. Hopefully she won’t be difficult about it, because I tried.

I have never ever allowed this kind of thing, especially not when meeting up with DC.

I will say: ok then, we're doing X and Y and I'll text you when we're there and when we leave. Then i get on with my day and they can please themselves. Waiting around for people is not something I'm prepared to waste my time on.

I’d take that as a no and make your own plans. I hate things like this really rude . If she texts just tell her you made plans

It is rude. I used to be like you though (and still have that way of thinking at times) where I'd make a plan in my head with a person, wait for their reply, then end up waiting so long the time passed and missed out on doing the thing that we'd planned to do anyway!
So frustrating. Put yourself (and DC) at the front of your queue of importance.
Now, I suggest a plan -if they don't commit I do it anyway, even if it's something that might be more fun with someone else. If they can join me, great.

Ok, so she suggested meeting up this weekend but you have had to chase her yesterday morning to try and make arrangements and then she has replied not making any firm plans?

I would just get on with whatever you want to do and if and when she replies to you suggesting something you do it if it suits you and don't if it doesn't

I hate this kind of thing to because I like to plan in advance and I think it's really rude to leave people hanging so now I don't wait around and if I then can't meet them that's on them.

They soon learn to put something in the diary in advance in my experience.