Mum in hospital - next of kin

[TraceyGerbil]

My Mum was taken into hospital two weeks ago, having had a stroke. Her friend, who called the ambulance, told the hospital that she was next of kin. She now gets all of the updates on how my Mum is doing and they won’t tell me anything, either in person or on the phone.

I visited when she first went in, and they said she would be discharged in a few days with a care package. My Mum was also adamant that I should go home (I live 3 hours flight away) which I did, as I thought I would be more use to her when she had been discharged and was back home.

I’ve told them that I am her daughter and NOK but they won’t change anything, but update Brenda, who won’t tell me what is going on. How do I change this?

Next of kin is not a legal thing.

@SpringIntoChaos Nearest Relative is only applicable under the MHA 1983 and doesn't appear to apply in these circumstances.

Op, if your mother lacks capacity you can't apply for LPA but you could apply to become her Deputy, either for property and finances and/or health and welfare. Each application costs £371 and you can find forms online. You don't need a solicitor to make these applications - but there is a backlog in the Court of Protection at the moment so if you do want to do this, begin the process as soon as possible.

You are confusing the issue. NR is only used where a patient is detained for assessment or treatment under the Mental Health Act. Irrelevant here.

Does Brenda have a key? Has she visited? Practically have you discussed this with the hospital??

I'd email PALS.

@JennyMule NR can actually be used under any capacity assessment - including the elderly.

@bbcdefg It is not a legal thing, but as the OP is finding out they will contact the NOK most frequently, and in the case I was in wouldn't / couldn't contact the immediate family. I was given written permission to make any decision regarding his care with the hospital (obviously, I discussed his families wishes prior).

I had a lot of advice from mumsnet on the process at the time as it was quite a foreign thing for me to be going through - including the process of a court-appointed NR when that time came / was appropriate.

It was me who was contacted to identify the body though (and this was done as the NOK - so whilst people are saying it is not a legal thing, it will be the police / coroner who contact the NOK should anything happen). It's kind of important to have someone that is chosen by the family for these reasons. Obviously I hope this is not needed for the OP in the above situation but she should be thinking about it for the future.

It's one of those conversations people rarely have, yet a conversation that everyone should have.

@KetoSlawrus NR is only applicable under the MHA. Lacking capacity is covered under the MCA. Two different pieces of legislation. MHA is not relevant in this situation on the facts the op has put forward.

Are you sure your mother hasn't arranged this? I was named NOK for a friend who was unable to speak because of MND. She had a sister, but she didn't want her sister as NOK, she named me and two other friends. The hospital would not have accepted me as NOK without her telling them this - they were quite clear about that.

These responses are interesting around NOK

I wonder if it varies on trust

As my sister had an awful time last year when her eldest daughter went into a coma, her daughter was still legally married to her ex, had a new partner who was father to her recently born baby (blood clot went to her brain during labour) but as she was legally married to 'Ted' he was put as her NOK

The hospital really put up a fight to change it to her parents and were insisting it was his decision around removing care after she was pronounced brain dead

So I can quite believe the OP when she says the hospital are being difficult

This doesn't seem right. I care for an elderly man who is regularly in hospital. I am down as NOK due to being his carer and the only person who can visit, explain things to him etc. However, his daughter is able to call for updates on his health etc because she's his daughter!

Is Brenda currently emptying your dm's house?

@Alpineyog how did they know about Ted? Any time I've been in hospital I've named my own NOK, but in Ireland so it must be different. I'm genuinely curious.

He was down as NOK on her paper work as was her spouse.

She had her first child at that hospital (his child) so must have been left over from that

But it took them days and a solicitor getting involved to sort it, they wanted to 'pull the plug' and he was refusing until they paid him some money (they weren't married long and people wondered why!)

So I spoke to the hospital this afternoon. She has told them that I am her NOK and not Brenda. They were quite apologetic and said they would now deal with me and not Brenda. They were also very helpful letting me know how much longer she is likely to be in for, and what needs to be put in place for her before she can go home. Which they haven’t said before, and this means that I can plan to come over to visit when she is home.

Glad that has been confirmed and that they are now working with you. Wishing you and your mum well.

My mother passed away in hospital. Her friend was put down as NOK instead of me. I wasn’t told my mum had died until much later in the day as the hospital phoned her friend and the friend didn’t want to tell me. Also the hospital wrote a detailed letter to this friend to explain what happened in the ward ie she had a fall. The family didn’t get anything and we have to wait for an inquest.

Contact PALs if they dont listen to you

This thread is from 2022!

Its in active threads :)