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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I'll never feel properly at home abroad?

28 replies

Gatoalaplaya · 18/09/2022 07:07

Originally British, have lived in France for over a decade now.

I'm married to a local, our kids are bilingual, and I am lucky enough to have all the trappings of a stable and settled life - house, job etc.

To all intents and purposes I speak fluent French but I know I'm still missing some of the tone and nuance, especially from more informal conversation. I have friends here but it'll never be as easy talking to them as it is to my Anglophone friends - I'm just a bit clunky and not quite myself in French, and often finish an evening cringing at the mistakes I've made in understanding or in expressing myself.

Does anyone have any experience of overcoming this? Or has ended up giving up on living abroad for this reason?

OP posts:
OneFootintheRave · 18/09/2022 11:34

I should add though. I absolutely love living in spain and will never come back to London to live. No way.

Hellokittymania · 18/09/2022 12:04

I hear you, OP. I lived outside of the UK for most of my life, and really was not “stuck here.“ Until Brexit on the pandemic. I lived in Vietnam for a very long time, and had spent several years in places like Greece and Italy. I never felt like the UK was my “home“ and to make it worse, I also have a disability. I’m realizing that even with my limitations, if you can even called him that, I do far more than many people, and I just don’t have the same attitude toward disability, or toward how I go about it then for example, someone who has lived here all their life. Many of them get jealous of me, and unfortunately some people have a very negative attitude. I lived in Vietnam for many years, had to be very creative, and just get on. I was also surrounded by sighted people, and didn’t really have the negative influence like I do in the UK. I was born registered blind by the way, but I had some tiny vision. During the first lock down, I didn’t realize it but I had started to lose my remaining vision. I have some other challenges on top, but they’ve never limited me because I’m a strong person with a good attitude. Anyway, the UK has been the most challenging place I’ve ever been. as of May, I now have my French passport, and I’m feeling much happier since I can live in a place where I feel really at home. I love Greece, I do speak Greek, like you, I make mistakes and I have to find ways of explaining things, and I don’t always understand everything everybody is saying. However, I have always loved languages so never felt ashamed if I did say something wrong. I also think that locals in Greece are far more appreciative when you try and speak Greek don’t say someone in France would be. I had considered moving somewhere in France, but it wouldn’t be Paris, like I had originally thought, because I think I would face a lot of the issues that I do in the UK. Maybe not so much with the blind community, since they are not as active with their online groups as they seem to be here. Anyway, I have started to not use Facebook anymore, because I just got tired of the attitude. I also have an American accent, and I don’t have a fully French accent either. So I feel really lost

The bureaucracy in Greece is something else… I’m having to be very patient, but I knew that before Brexit. Life in Greece is a little bit trickier than it is in the UK because you can’t just go to Sainsbury’s and buy cut up apples, you have to cut them yourself. My cooker isn’t the same, the plugs are the same, little things but to me, I have dicks 30 issues as well, things like this can be a headache. I have found people to help though, and I’m in a small town that’s much easier to get around. I do miss some of my British chocolate, but I just bring it with me if I go abroad. I haven’t found an international shop yet in Greece. I will probably end up moving permanently, once all the bureaucracy is done. I’m also looking into how to get funding and getting support behind some ideas that I think would work very well just to help people who need it. Again, I have come up with a lot of naysayers, but you get that everywhere. And I think having a disability, it has changed things for the better, at least where I am. I made a Be My Eyes video in Greek, and it had 19,000 views, and a lot of new volunteers signed up to be on the platform.

when you are a foreigner in somewhere else’s country, including your own, it’s tough. But just know that there are other people out there in your same position, and we understand. And yes, find positive, supportive people who try and understand you and who don’t make you feel like you’re very privileged or who just are extremely nosy. Unfortunately I’ve had a lot of that in the UK.

custardshire · 18/09/2022 16:06

I’ve been living in London for 20 years and I’m originally from another continent.

Every day my resentment and regret grows. It’s a bit of mixed feelings because I love my DH and our DC but I always wonder how my life could’ve been if I never spoke to him (he’s English and that’s why I moved here).

now I’m old and I can’t do anything to change my circumstances which makes me miserable if I think about it. So I just get on with my life, do everything I possibly can for our DC and repeat that “I adore my husband and that UK is great” like an hypnotic mantra as I can’t change anything really.

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