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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think its odd my DP has given money to my cousin?

23 replies

Bedazzled22 · 17/09/2022 23:22

My cousin is a single mum as divorced with a DD and lost her job a while ago. She now works for my DP who runs a company. DP told me he has been giving her money (his own) to help her and daughter for the last few months because he couldnt give her payrise and felt bad. Am I unreasonable to think its a little odd and also that he didnt tell me at the time?

OP posts:

ToFindNewWays · 17/09/2022 23:23

If he’s giving her extra money regularly then he has given her an unofficial pay rise.

Yes he should have discussed this with you and been open from the start. This looks a bit suspicious.

Blobblobblob · 17/09/2022 23:24

Do you suspect something dodgy between them?

On the face of what you have written, it sounds like he is just being nice.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 17/09/2022 23:25

So basically he's been giving her family money but hasn't told you about it until now? How did you find out? I would be very suspicious about this.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/09/2022 23:25

why can’t he give her a pay rise if it’s his company?!

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 17/09/2022 23:26

Blobblobblob · 17/09/2022 23:24

Do you suspect something dodgy between them?

On the face of what you have written, it sounds like he is just being nice.

I kind of agree with this. He sounds kind.

Strange he never told you. But is he the type who doesn't like to blow his own trumpet?

Whisperedew · 17/09/2022 23:27

He can’t afford to give her a pay rise but can afford to give her money? What?

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 17/09/2022 23:27

Odd and weird. Start digging.

Lasagnainmyhair · 17/09/2022 23:34

Whisperedew · 17/09/2022 23:27

He can’t afford to give her a pay rise but can afford to give her money? What?

Pay rise comes from company budget whereas him giving her money would come from his personal money.

Testina · 17/09/2022 23:35

Whisperedew · 17/09/2022 23:27

He can’t afford to give her a pay rise but can afford to give her money? What?

OP didn’t say he couldn’t afford to give a pay rise. He may have several staff and can’t unfairly give her a pay rise and not them.

It’s really odd though. Just no good reason not to have said to you the first time, “I feel for Jill, what do you think about giving her some cash?”

Original poster

Bedazzled22 · 17/09/2022 23:35

thanks. I should have said, he is a generous person but think its odd he didnt tell me at the time.

OP posts:

ToFindNewWays · 18/09/2022 00:24

Yes the secrecy is worrying.

blockpavingismynightmare · 18/09/2022 00:42

It looks to me as if she is pressurising him and he doesn't really know how to deal with it and has given her money because he feels bad. He probably didn't know how to tell you at first but now realises it's getting out of hand?

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/09/2022 00:46

OP didn’t say he couldn’t afford to give a pay rise. He may have several staff and can’t unfairly give her a pay rise and not them.

And yet he effectively has. I also wonder about the tax and NI issues. It smacks of cash in hand.

Alexandernevermind · 03/12/2022 10:50

He is giving her a bit of the under the table cash. I don't think there is anything suspicious about that (from a relationship pov). HMRC might be upset though!

Itsbeenashortyear · 03/12/2022 10:52

Do you have a good relationship otherwise? Does he normally share most things with you?

It’s the relationship in a good place?

karendrury · 03/12/2022 11:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Jedsnewstar · 03/12/2022 11:54

He is probably banging her

tenderstembroccolispear · 03/12/2022 12:03

If he DID give her an official pay rise, would that disqualify her for some benefits?

RedHelenB · 03/12/2022 12:10

Alexandernevermind · 03/12/2022 10:50

He is giving her a bit of the under the table cash. I don't think there is anything suspicious about that (from a relationship pov). HMRC might be upset though!

He's helping out family.

Facecream · 03/12/2022 12:13

But she’s not family… she’s his partner’s cousin.
So technically not family at all
So the helping family is a bit odd..
He may just be being nice but it does sound a bit cash in hand-like..

karendrury · 03/12/2022 12:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Skiphopbump · 03/12/2022 12:17

I would assume it’s so it doesn’t affect her benefits, if she’s entitled to any.

PaterPower · 03/12/2022 12:24

Putting it through payroll would mean the business would be liable for additional NI. And, with tax and personal NI, she’d not get as much in her pocket.

It’s not illegal if it’s coming from his pocket and it’s not tied to her work - it’s just a personal gift. Is he at least paying her the minimum wage though? That’s where it could get sticky for him.

I agree that he should have been open about it, unless perhaps he didn’t want to embarrass her, given she’s your family.

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