I think my boyfriend lies to me

[Tapp]

My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago and blocked each other on all social media. However, we reconnected and I asked if he could unblock me and he said he would do it there and then. When I looked over at his phone, I saw a name on there which I recognised as being one which views ALL my instagram stories; they don't follow me on instagram, but whenever I check to see who has viewed them, this name always crops up.

I asked him about it and he got super cagey (he says the reason he got cagey was because his ex was on the block list, but he knows I already know who is ex is and have viewed her Facebook before). I asked why he had blocked this person and he said because he had received an explicit message from them back in 2018 and it freaked him out - he said he thought it was a man and the name is gender neutral - so he blocked.

Since then I haven't been able to let it go, so I asked him to unblock the person so we could see their Facebook and it's very much a woman. Her info says she lives abroad, but when you look through her pictures there are photos from our home town. I messaged her on instagram and asked how she knew me. When she didn't respond I screen shot her profile picture and shared it to my instagram to try to provoke a reaction and she blocked me (understandable).

So I asked my boyfriend to message her and ask why she was stalking my socials and she replied with "not because I like you, time to block you"...

Do you think this is a coincidence or do you think my bf knows her?

He's lied about a couple of other things and before we got together, he was one of those needy types with women on social media...incessant comments to every woman, only following hot girls, casting his net wide, just general desperate behaviour, which caused a few rows early on.

I haven't made it an especially safe environment for him to share, as I've been irritated and have felt jealous by his social media habits.

It's not that something might have happened with this girl that bothers me, it's the fact that he is minimising how weird it is that she stalks me 4 years after he felt the need to block her for something (now he's not even sure if she did send him a message) and has lived/visited our rural home town, surely he knows her and I just want him to tell the truth.

He fell out with me over this and although he has messaged to apologise, I haven't yet responded nor has he followed up and it's been three days...

Should I message, wait or move on?

She hasn’t come into your life, she has read some of your public and professional instagram posts, that is like me saying I have entered David Beckham life. Honestly just stop it, you are the obsessed one here.

So you think she's looking at my stories because she's interested in the content rather than because of her obvious prior connection to my boyfriend?

And given that she doesn't follow me on instagram and therefore has to physically type in my name to her search bar every time she wants to view my story, of which there can be several, spread out over the course of the day; the fact she has no profile picture on her instagram, has no followers on her instagram, follows no one else on her instagram which suggests she only uses her instagram to look at the stories of people she doesn't follow...none of this might be an indication of her obsession with, let's not be arrogant here and say me, but the girl my boyfriend is going out with?

It's not quite the same as looking at David Beckham's stories, as I'm sure there are no suspicions that you're currently shagging or have ever shagged Victoria.

I shouldn't have posted her pic - I wanted her to know that in spite of the fact she thought she was surreptitiously stalking me, I knew who she was and it was wrong of me to do that.

However, he won't tell me why. He just says he has never met her, that she lives abroad according to her FB (in spite of there being pics from our shitty, little, middle of nowhere town on her page) and he blocked her once in 2018, he thinks because she sent him an obscene message, although he can't even be sure about that now and whatever the reason was, after 4 years, she's still that bothered about him that she stalks me and I just have to believe that that's the truth.

Clearly I just need to leave.

Maybe she does like your content, is that so hard to believe? But I mainly think if you post something on a public space then you can’t police who looks at it.

What kind of professional Instagram page is it ok to try and 'out' people on? Doesn't sound very professional to me.

Why would she use her real name if she wanted to stalk you?

anyway this girl isn't the issue. Your boyfriend is.

I'm self employed so the buck stops with me. I don't know why she'd use her real name to stalk someone, maybe she doesn't care that I see.

I have a professional insta, I couldn't tell you who views my stories.
You're obsessive. She's not come into your life, you need to leave the poor girl alone! Focus on your boyfriend, she's not the problem!!

You must be blessed with more followers than me :)

Also, I think I've made it clear in every other post that I have left her alone, that it was one regrettable and irrational action, rectified almost immediately (though not immediately enough for it to have escaped her third visit to my page that day) and I am no longer in any form of contact with the poor girl.

Thanks for your advice! I'll stop obsessing now!

I couldn’t deal with this level of drama, doubt and trying to establish the truth in an adult relationship. It sounds ridiculous. If you have to play detective like this and screenshot things / block etc to get answers there’s not a chance in hell that you two are compatible or should be in touch.

There are no winners here. Just a massive advert for banning social media full stop, for everyone.

If you can't play nicely......

Feeling as if you are going crazy because your gut is screaming at you is the worst feeling ever. The thing is, you are probably never going to know definitively, but if your feeling is that he’s lying to you, especially as you already broke up, you’re far better off walking away, and not giving it another thought. The “right” person for you, won’t have you second guessing yourself, or feeling as if you’re going crazy.
Honestly, time to block your stalker, and probably the ex boyfriend as well, and get on with your life.

He sounds desperate but screen shotting things and reposing is pretty damn weird.

You are either both 16.
Or you are experiencing a manic episode

Either way

Step away from this 'relationship'

Are mental health diagnoses part of the mumsnet service? Seems responsible…

"I don't want to be crazy”
Then stop putting so much importance on socials, and ditch the loser boyfriend?
In a nutshell. Honestly, a decent relationship with a decent partner does not involve this kind of ridiculous drama.