Comment has me self conscious

[Neurospicyy]

Context, Ihave struggled for years with various behaviours and know that I display clear signs that I am neurodivergent (I have worked in SEN for 8 years). I have raised concerns with my GP several times who have told me it’s 6 years wait for an adult assessment so I am none the wiser what condition I have. I suspect, based off my own professional experiences, that it is ADHD with sensory issues and possibly autism.

Anyway, I was out with friends last night and was speaking to someone who I don’t know very well. They made a comment about how I do not look at them in the eye when talking. I said quickly I struggle with eye contact and reiterated I am listening. But they persisted ‘yeah but you aren’t looking at me, you’re looking everywhere else etc’. I did say I know but I am listening I just get over stimulated and my eyes can wander but tried to change the subject. Eventually they dropped it.

but it’s really knocked my confidence. I know I don’t look people in the eye much and my closer friends know this and are used to it. I know this person probably felt ignored but surely after I had quickly explained they should’ve dropped it. Now I am wondering how often other people are thinking this about me and it’s the first time I’ve experienced being called out on something I struggle with. I don’t even have a solid answer for them. AIBU to let this bother me or should I accept that this is how my life is as long as I am displaying symptoms of neurodivergence? I spend so much time advocating and defending children on their behaviours but never had to do it for myself before. 😔

The person was incredibly rude, especially persisting with it after you'd made it clear that you were listening, but not good at eye contact. Were they drunk, or just horribly attention-seeking? They made a much worse social error than you may have done. In any case, apart from issues of neurodivergence and indeed visual impairments, there are a lot of cultural differences in the amount of eye contact that is expected- there is no one rule for everyone.

They were rude but people not making eye contact is also seen as rude

You explained so she should have dropped it but I don't blame her for the initial comment

I would see it as shy and awkward, not rude, or I would assume there might be something like ASD going on. What IS rude is to draw attention to someone’s awkwardness or quirks by commenting on it. So I absolutely would blame her for the initial comment.

OP, she was an ignorant twat. You’ve done nothing wrong and you sound lovely.

They were really rude.

After you explained that you struggle, they should have apologised for bringing it up

I sometimes hear stories that make me incredulous at the rudeness, tactlessness and embarrassing behaviour of some people. This is one of them. If anyone was rude and lacking in social skills in that encounter, it certainly wasn’t you, OP. The difference is that they are too thick-skinned (stupid) to even know that they’ve upset you. You seem lovely. Do your best to not let this knock you.