Night shifts

[Saju1]

I'm on maternity leave, and my partner works full time (Monday to Friday).

AIBU in wanting the night shifts to be 50/50?

I tried doing to he night shifts in the week so that my partner is fine to work in the week, however this has left me feeling as though I am dying in the day from the tiredness!

I'm sorry - because I know how hard it is - but I actually think YABU if your partner is getting up for work during the week.

Not unreasonable for them to do a night/s at weekends. What DH and I used to do was split nights so I went to bed early and he dealt with all wakings up to say midnight and I then did midnight onwards. It meant I went to bed at 7.30 for a while, but it was worth it as ds1 was a dreadful sleeper.

When you are back at work it wouldn't be unreasonable at all to share night shift equally.

It is supper hard, but I think 50/50 would be a bit unreasonable on to of working. When mine were little I'd go to bed early 3/4 nights a week and DH would look after baby in the evening so I got a solid block. I'd be 'on duty' from him coming up to bed until 6ish, then if baby woke fter that he'd take them downstairs for a couple of hours before he left for work at 8.

How often/long are you up with the baby? Or can it vary?

YANBU. He goes to work, you look after a baby all day. Neither role is more important, or more deserving of sleep than the other.

you are being very unreasonable. Share the weekends 50/50 by all means but the weeks when you aren’t working and he is should be all you. Could you go to bed earlier and maybe he covers a few hours till he goes to bed at say 11?

We always shared nights. DP wanted to. He said it was to give me a break as we were in lockdown and i was alone all day and baby didn't like napping when he was tiny so i never had much chance to sleep.
Im very lucky in that respect, we just used to go to bed early so we both got a decent few hours.
Some will say yabu and some will say yanbu. All have different opinions on this sort of thing, but i guess ultimately its what works for you as a family

YANBU at all.

My husband did all the nights both times when I was on maternity leave. He got how demanding it was having the baby all day and recognised I could do with the rest. Otherwise...24 hour torture...of love

My first was a brutal sleeper. Dh used to have him 6pm till midnight. Then he slept midnight till 7am. I had 6h sleep, he had 7. It worked well and really did help

I do all the night wakings but my husband gets up with the kids in the morning, gives them breakfast, gets them dressed and teeth done then brings me a coffee at 8.30 before he goes to work, means I get a couple of hours sleep before the day starts and kids are ready. Works well for us, will be disappointed when there are no night wakings any more and I have to take it in turns with him to get up 😅😂😂

The point of maternity leave is to recover from the awful nights and the birth and to bond with your child. Your DH is working. At the weekend, you absolutely take it in turns, but otherwise it's your job.

Depends how bad the nights are TBH.

My DH used to stay up until about 11pm so would deal with baby before then. (I went to bed about 8pm in the early days!) Then he would usually get up about 5am and deal with baby if they woke then. I'd do the bits in-between. But usually DC would only have 1 feed in that time.

I fully believe in splitting fairly, but if you have opportunities to rest (sit when feeding the baby, possibly a nap) then it is probably fair if you do a bit more during the week. Equal split on weekends.

My dc were awful sleepers, I used to get my head down 6pm until midnight, then I'd be on duty midnight until 5-6am, then dp was on duty again for a couple of hours.

So you’re dying of tiredness at home but want him to be dying of tiredness at work instead?