In law's letting baby cry

[Saju1]

My in laws and I have different parenting methods when it comes to dealing with crying babies.

When my in laws met our baby at 5 days old, she was crying while being held by my mother in law and she would just tap my baby's bum and say "there there", without seeing if she was hungry or needed a nappy change. Our baby only cried for these sorts of reasons.

I didn't say anything to her (while I felt very uncomfortable and I just wanted to comfort by baby).

I told my partner in private that if this were to happen again he needs to ask for our baby back so he can comfort her.

4 months later during a conversation with my in-laws, they said that baby's should cry as this tires them out.

I have told my partner I don't want them to ever babysit our baby (while she still can't talk) due to the above reason.

AIBU?

I agree with you. I get that 5 days after birth it can be hard to have the strength to do anything about it but please don't feel you have to leave this to your husband, if he won't step up and stand up for his family then you can.

No YANBU.

I agree with you. The idea that babies should or need to cry is ridiculous.

My in-laws were the same, tutting and 'rod for your own back' comments. Don't feel embarrassed about taking your baby back! It takes a while but you will gradually give less effs about sparing other people's feelings when it comes to speaking up for your children.

I don't agree with leaving a baby to cry but I think you should have a bit more to go on before banning them. How do they cope with her when you are around.

Of course babies shouldn't cry to be tiered out. But I think your bigger issue is why you or your partner didn't just take the baby off her when she wasn't being attentive enough. I wouldnt expect any one else apart from myself and partner to be able to work out their ques or even check for what they needed. I'd just expect them to have a cuddle at that age. As soon as babies needs something it would be upto you or partner to work it out and provide it.

I wouldn't be comfortable with them babysitting either, and my own mother has never looked after mine for the same reason. She refers to all crying, no matter how distressed the baby is as "chuntering on".

To be honest it has never been that much of a big deal, I just invite her on days out or to visit while I'm there, and if baby cried while she had them a breeze, "oh dear, pass them back, I'll check their nappy/give them a feed" is all it takes. Very few people are going to refuse a direct request to return your baby.