Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to use my headphones?

26 replies

relentlesslife · 15/09/2022 19:39

So I posted about my 2 year old being a giant pain and how my mental health is slipping and I'm not in a good place
A lot of people suggested I need some time for myself. And I agree. So she goes to bed at 7. Once she's in bed I stick my headphones on, find a good playlist or an audio book and chill for an hour.
My husband is against this.
You see she doesn't go to sleep at 7. She isn't distressed or crying, she just sits in her cot and chats to her teddies or sings her abcs or counts. She does this for about 20 minutes and then drops off. Fingers crossed this continues. This is a new thing for her.
I know she's tired at 7. We have eye rubbing and yawning and generally being stroppy.
His argument is what If something happens and I can't hear whats going on.
My defence is the baby monitor is next to me. Literally in my eye line. And whenever she moves it lights up. So if she needed me 2 seconds I'm there. I'm on the same floor as her.

So AIBU

YABU- what a horrible mother you are to have headphones for one whole hour a day, I mean usually I fall asleep 30 minutes in

YANBU- enjoy it. And chill

OP posts:

Fupoffyagrasshole · 15/09/2022 19:43

I don’t see the problem once you can see her!! I used to clean the house during my 1 year olds nap with headphones on baby monitor was always with me so I could see her :)

Topgub · 15/09/2022 19:45

What's he doing?

Why isnt he making sure you get a break?

And no.

Of course you don't have to literally watch your child 24/7

NancyVicious · 15/09/2022 19:46

I often put headphones in for a few minutes peace of an evening to retain my own sanity

Original poster

relentlesslife · 15/09/2022 19:47

We work opposite shifts to save on the eye watering childcare fees. I work like 4 am to 2. And he works nights. He usually has his free time when I'm home from work before setting off to work. So garage work and video games. He thinks I should wait till he's home or were off together. We are never off together unless we book it.

OP posts:

Topgub · 15/09/2022 20:01

Then take your free time before he goes to work and he can sit with his eyes and ears on her at all times.

Original poster

relentlesslife · 15/09/2022 20:12

@Topgub my husband issues could fill a whole other thread to be honest.

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 15/09/2022 20:14

relentlesslife · 15/09/2022 20:12

@Topgub my husband issues could fill a whole other thread to be honest.

What a surprise

Get your headphones in and a new husband

ManateeFair · 15/09/2022 20:20

Of course YANBU. Your DH is a dick. He can listen to the bloody monitor himself if he’s bothered.

DenholmElliot1 · 15/09/2022 20:21

Does he accuse you of not watching her when you're cooking his dinner, or cleaning, or ironing? Or is it just when you're doing something for yourself?

Original poster

relentlesslife · 15/09/2022 20:24

@DenholmElliot1 we both work hard. I'll give credit where its due. And he has her while I work. But yeah I do the cooking, washing, financial management, childcare. He washes up and don't I bloody know about it. Literally when I walk thru the door I'm automatically on parent mode. Don't even get my uniform off. Sorry I'm finding out how annoyed I am about not even having one bloody hour to myself.

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 15/09/2022 20:39

Topgub · 15/09/2022 19:45

What's he doing?

Why isnt he making sure you get a break?

And no.

Of course you don't have to literally watch your child 24/7

This ^

Lcb123 · 15/09/2022 21:05

What does he thinks going to happen? If she really started screaming you would either see on the monitor or hear through your headphones! And sounds like typically she has some chill time then sleeps.

bloodywhitecat · 15/09/2022 21:12

What you are doing is fine. I put my two year old up to bed at about 7 and he doesn't always fall asleep straight away, he lays and chats to his toys or 'reads' a book. I don't even have a baby monitor on him, he does have a camera that I check in on every now and then but that's about it.

Brefugee · 15/09/2022 21:13

Just don't tell him then - if you're happy you'll notice if she needs you, what's the problem.

If he's not there, what he doesn't know won't hurt him. And if he is there, he can go in to her

Original poster

relentlesslife · 15/09/2022 21:14

@Lcb123 she just sits and plays with her teddies. Has a chit chat. Doesn't bother me. He seems to think putting her in the cot means she should go to sleep straight away and me not watching her is dangerous. I say to him when you get into bed you go on your phone and unwind so why can't she unwind

And yep if she screamed I'd definitely hear her. She's not afraid to be loud

OP posts:

StnNurse · 15/09/2022 21:48

What does he think hearing impaired or D/deaf parents do?

YANBU.

mondaytosunday · 15/09/2022 22:00

Well can't he listen out for her if he's so worried that you can't?
I'm with you - if you can see the monitor all good.

DelphiniumBlue · 16/09/2022 07:43

Just wondering how he works nights when you are working from 4am? Who looks after your daughter then?
Also , why do you need headphones on? Personally I'd feel safer just listening to audio stuff on speaker, but if you're sure you can hear through the headphones and you know she can't get out of bed, then there's not really a problem.
Is her father in the house at that point?

nachoavocado · 16/09/2022 07:48

Either he is there and can listen out for her. Or he's not there and he has to just leave you to parent her how you want.

GoneWithTheWine1 · 16/09/2022 07:49

YANBU. I listen to headphones too, DH hates it but my argument is that I look after them all day I get up at 6am with them to do the school run, I pick them up from school, do dinner etc so at 8pm damn right I'm clocking off and he has to listen out for them.

Original poster

relentlesslife · 16/09/2022 07:52

@DelphiniumBlue I work 4 am till 2pm. He works 5pm till 2 am. Depends on the weeks schedule. The days I'm off he works overnights. So 7pm till 4 am or like 9pm till 6 am. If

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 16/09/2022 07:53

And if he is there, he can go in to her

Isn't this the point? That he expects her to realises that it's up to her, not him, to look after the child? That's why he has the problem with it, he expects to be able to tune out any noise from DC secure in the knowledge that the mother is in charge.

BoxOfCats · 16/09/2022 08:28

Well if he is so against you doing that, then surely the solution is that he pulls his weight with domestic chores so you can have a break at another time of the day. No reason that you can't share the cooking for instance, he can cook a a meal in his own time for you to reheat later, or he could put a load of laundry on before he starts work.

smileandsing · 16/09/2022 08:36

I think what you're doing is fine, and it's great that she can settle herself down to sleep.
As an aside you said he gets time to himself when you get home from work, so from 2pm until he leaves a couple of hours later. When do you get time for yourself? Both of you must be knackered working the hours you do

felulageller · 16/09/2022 08:41

You have A DP problem. Do a thread about that. You can't just isolate the headphones issue.

You can't both work full time with no childcare. It isn't working because it doesn't work.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread