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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this teacher’s overreaction may cause trouble for DS?

28 replies

CrabbyCrumble · 15/09/2022 17:37

DS was recently diagnosed with a life threatening, lifelong condition. He is managing extremely well and has taken it in his stride. Today is only his 3rd day back at school. He had been given passes to be able to leave the classroom and go to the loo when he wants.

Today as he was leaving class to go to the loo, his teacher made a comment that why do so many people need to go to the toilet in lesson (not necessary IMO), and another boy piped up ‘because he’s got x’ (name of condition).

One of DS’s friends told the teacher DS looked sad at that comment so teacher had now given all the boys on that table a detention!

DS stated he was not sad and was not bothered by the comment. He told his teacher too. One if my boys messaged my DD saying they have detention.

I am now concerned these boys will be pissed they’ve got a detention and blame DS. It also puts more attention on his condition.

They are Yr8. AIBU to say something to the school tomorrow ( detention tomorrow after school).

OP posts:
eatsleepeatrepeat · 15/09/2022 17:38

You should absolutely say something, I'm a teacher myself and that's unacceptable

Original poster
CrabbyCrumble · 15/09/2022 17:39

What happened there! I meant One of the boys messaged my DS saying they have detention’. Then deleted a further message.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 15/09/2022 17:41

You weren't there. No need for them to shout out your sons condition and as u8 they know there's consequences for that. It has nothing to do with your son so I'd keep our of it.

Crunchysnap · 15/09/2022 17:45

I think the boy who shouted it out deserves a detention. Your son may not be bothered but another child might. It’s a good lesson that you shouldn’t publicly share others medical issues.

Raul57 · 15/09/2022 17:45

The bottom line, all teachers should be made aware of his condition. I'm sure teacher did not know, hence their comment.

I recall my school years and sone kids we p-takers pardon the pun. They's wilfully want to go to the loo and this ticked off the teacher/s.

if the teach knew about your DS's health, then it needs to be reported otherwise tell them

Crunchysnap · 15/09/2022 17:47

I also agree with others, that the teacher is at fault for calling out your DS. Though that doesn’t seem to be what your thread is about..

AlsoknownasOther · 15/09/2022 17:52

The boy who shouted out deserves a detention for shouting out someone else's private medical information.

Whilst your son might care, many kids would've, so the shouter needs to know it's unacceptable.

Original poster
CrabbyCrumble · 15/09/2022 17:54

@CrabbyCrumble My thoughts are the teacher may have punished the boy for telling her something she should have known and therefore should not have made that comment herself, so to deflect from it, she’s punishing the whole table!

OP posts:
ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 15/09/2022 17:56

Why are you blindly accepting this version of events, including subjective things like 'looking a bit sad?

Original poster
CrabbyCrumble · 15/09/2022 18:00

Why wouldn’t I accept DS’s version of events? It’s not like he was in trouble!

OP posts:
Curta · 15/09/2022 18:02

The teacher almost certainly is well aware, and wasn't talking about your DS, but other children who try it on. If someone is given permission to leave (for a valid reason), a number of others always try their luck.

The boy who called out was deliberately rude (not just to your DS, but in general behaviour for learning terms, as it's not appropriate to shout out or interrupt), so the teacher is well within their rights to issue the detention. Even if the child associates it with your DS (because he was talking about your DS) then that's still no reason for the teacher to avoid the punishment.

Pumperthepumper · 15/09/2022 18:03

I’d speak to her. That kind of punishment is over the top and ridiculous, and it could lead to them resenting your son. She could have so easily led an open discussion about privacy and understanding, she’s wrong here.

Noteverybodylives · 15/09/2022 18:03

YABU

It sounds like they were being nasty to DS and the teacher rightfully gave them a detention and now DS is worried about the repercussions of it.

I would ask the teacher for their version of events and let DS’s tutor or head of year know that he is worrying about it.
In case he is being bullied.

Pixiedust1234 · 15/09/2022 18:04

The one who shouted it out should have had a stern talking to. But not a detention....unless they were laughing/mocking.

Whole class should have been told that they should never shout out medical things at all, for future reference.

The teacher should have been informed of your sons condition. If its life threatening then all teachers need to know imo. Its reckless if they don't. Why don't they?

Noteverybodylives · 15/09/2022 18:06

I do not believe things happened exactly as DS has said.

It sounds like DS is trying to play it down as he’s worried about them blaming him for the detention.

As his mum you need to support the teachers decision in giving them a detention and tell DS that if he has any problems because of it he needs to report it straight away.

Boomboom22 · 15/09/2022 18:06

To be fair teachers are not allowed to discuss medical conditions of other staff or students with a class, this other boy was inappropriate but I would think we need context. Yes you are right though if he was being rude this may cause further trouble. But he would do that anyway if he's the type, now he knows uf he's not he'll be more discreet. If he was trying to help it'll just bond your ds and him more with a common enemy.

Curta · 15/09/2022 18:07

He has a pass to be allowed to leave lessons, which I'm sure he presented when asking the teacher to leave, otherwise his request likely would have been denied.

How on earth do so many, OP included, assume that this teacher somehow had no clue that a named school medical pass in his possession had been issued for a real medical reason?

Thethreecs · 15/09/2022 18:09

I think I'd be more annoyed at the teacher, why did she make that comment? Is she not aware of your child's condition?

She shouting be aware and she should not be making smart comments when he uses the loo.

As for the boy shouting out, he was doing what a lot of kids would, he was informing the teacher as to why your child needed the loo. I bet he wasn't being nasty, he was stating facts and the teacher over reacted. Kids tell how it is, they don't be discreet. Giving detention was ridiculous.

lailamaria · 15/09/2022 18:26

where are people getting the boys were being mean to your DS from, it sounds like the teacher was embarrassed that she made a snide comment and got called out for it, secondary schools are notorious for not sticking to care plans it's a known thing also what is with mumsnetters not believing their kids, not every child is a horrific lier

lailamaria · 15/09/2022 18:27

sorry liar

Noteverybodylives · 15/09/2022 18:31

where are people getting the boys were being mean to your DS from, it sounds like the teacher was embarrassed that she made a snide comment and got called out for it, secondary schools are notorious for not sticking to care plans it's a known thing also what is with mumsnetters not believing their kids, not every child is a horrific lier

Because DS has a medical card which the teacher would see and if she had an issue with them going to the toilet she would have just said no.

The teacher also gave the entire table of boys a detention even though only 1 boy shouted out his medical issue - which is obviously BS as only the one shouting out would have got the detention.

OP is also more concerned that these boys are going to be pissed off at DS than anything else - which is weird seeing as DS has done nothing wrong.

itsgettingweird · 15/09/2022 18:35

I don't think the lad shouting out deserves a detention.

Maybe a discussion about peoples personal information being private. But he said it with good faith and to defend your DS and that is an admirable trait standing up for a peer against authority.

I also work in education (head of pastoral support) and I don't agree with teachers actions.

The comment was unnecessary.

Invernessy · 15/09/2022 18:37

I think it’s possible that the boy was sticking up for your DS if he thought the teacher was having a dig at him for going to the toilet? Maybe it wasn’t the best thing to do but he’s only 13 or so.

DD has coeliac disease and has a care plan stating she’s allowed to go to the toilet. She only eats food from home so has not had any issues re gluten getting into her diet but , like all children, she has very occasionally needed the toilet in class. I don’t think any teacher in her high school has ever been aware of her care plan and let her go. She’s 16 for context.

itsgettingweird · 15/09/2022 18:38

And teachers do make comments.

My ds has a genetic condition and is autistic. He use to be refused to use his timeout card.
The teachers tried to say he misunderstood how too (he'd been using one for years before secondary school!).

A few kids would also say that the teachers said he was fine and tell him he was fine.

Because his neurological genetic condition causes bowel and bladder problems I got him a toilet card.

He use to just use that instead Grin

Prescottdanni123 · 15/09/2022 18:41

Was the other boy sticking up for your DS or saying it to be nasty? The teacher's comment was unpleasant and uncalled for so maybe he felt the need to defend him? And just didn't stop to consider whether your son would have a problem with his medical info being broadcast like that?