Resenting dh over responsibilities

[Mrscnat]

Hi, just looking for some advise over the share of parental responsibilities in our household. I work part time and have done since my daughter was 7 months old. I am the main caregiver, the one who cooks, cleans picks up our child once a week from nursery and does the food shops. My mum looks after my daughter the other day and a half when I’m at work.

I have found myself resenting my husband more and more over the spring/summer over golf. He works 6 days a week (he’s self employed). I find myself feeling lonely and overwhelmed with my child a lot of the time. I am finding this age (dd is 3) very challenging, with constant tantrums and demands. Dh will often want to go to golf on the Sunday that he has off and also likes to go mid week as well, this is his usual pattern (twice a week). His golf friends live 30-1 hour away so that adds on to his time spent away. He usually is out all day from 7am until around 3/4. He has gone today straight from work and will be back after bedtime for dd. All whilst I am suffering with the flu today.

My issue is that dh knows about my mental health struggles and how much it affects me. But he obviously does not listen. I do not like to tell him not to go to golf, as I feel like he should be making that decision to not go himself. He puts more effort into arranging when/ where with his friends. Going to driving ranges/ getting new clubs and it’s really starting to piss me off.

Any advise on how to deal with this situation would be appreciated :)

Don't be negative -
Be positive - you get time for your golf, I'd like some time for me to do whatever ( have a bath meet a friend without baby )

Sit down with him and write out on a piece of paper the leisure time you both get. Then ask him to come up with a way to even that out so that you get the same as him. If he's not willing to do that then.....well you have a bigger problem really.

I do not like to tell him not to go to golf, as I feel like he should be making that decision to not go himself

You're not being unreasonable, but you are allowed to state how you feel and ask him for what you need. There's a difference between this and telling him not to go, and he if knows how you feel and what you need he can then make the decision to not go himself. Or not. Then you know where you stand.

That’s the problem I don’t get that time :(

So, you tell him that every xx evening you'll be going to yoga at 6.30 and on Sundays at 4 you'll be off for a drink with a friend and you won't need any dinner when you get back.