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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset how I’ve been treated?

6 replies

E12355 · 15/09/2022 08:59

Long story short: we recently bought a new house (before all of the cost of living crisis), and to furnish and decorate it exactly how we wanted straight away we put some things on a credit card. All of this was manageable, however of course everything has gone up now and I’m unable to work the extra night shifts as I did since I am now pregnant and struggling a bit with night shifts (however, I can manage my contracted hours, just not any extra. I’m also cleaning on the side too to boost income).

Naturally, we’re both a bit worried about our financial situation, but not overly worried, just that much that my husband has made out a spreadsheet with all in-goings v out-goings and how we need to be extra tight these next few months so we can pay off the credit card debt. Fine, understood. Daily he has been going on about it to me, to which I always agree that I understand how important it is so he doesn’t need to remind me several times a day, I’ve obviously kept calm in the beginning as I understand how important it is but it’s starting to get me down because I don’t understand why I’m being reminded all the time, I always stick to out food shopping budget etc. if anything he is the one that has been too happy to use the credit card. So obviously I’ve been feeling a bit down about our situation these past few days, and last night my husband dropped his phone on the floor and broke the screen, not cracked the screen, broke the lcd screen, however you can still use the touch screen fine, can still see messages etc. it’s just a bit fuzzy and a bit of it’s black. He is due for a new phone in 2 months anyway. Obviously he was very angry about the situation and was looking at phones last night, he told me it would be £120 to upgrade early, free in 2 months, I said to him just wait 2 months because the screen wasn’t that bad, he was not happy, I even offered my phone to him, but he was just so angry for the rest of the night, but he’s the one that keeps going on about being tight so I just thought it was unnecessary when the screen works. When I asked some things he just told me to f off upstairs basically, like there were several pairs of his shoes at the bottom of the stairs instead of on the shoe rack out of the way, I was told to just leave him alone. So I did, all night I stayed in bed. Didn’t talk to him when he came up because I was upset. This morning he was fine, out of his mood, but I was still upset. He was saying things like how he’s fed up of this sh*t every day! I’ve been fine every day! And so on, so I got upset (I’m trying my best to hold it all in but our current financial situation and this just got the best of me), so I did cry and our daughter saw because obviously I was getting her ready for school.

AIBU to be upset or should I let it go? I’m just a bit sick of keeping it all in and then letting him take his anger out on me when I’m obviously feeling a bit like that but I don’t take it out on anyone!

OP posts:
Iamclearlyamug · 15/09/2022 09:23

He's being a dickhead.

💐💐 for you

Shoxfordian · 15/09/2022 09:34

It’s not a good sign for your relationship when he can’t even discuss things calmly with you

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 15/09/2022 09:44

I think you need to cut up the credit card and no one use it until it’s paid off as it sounds like he has no self control. Ditch the bloke while you’re at it, if you like

Gazelda · 15/09/2022 09:46

If he's otherwise a good man, husband, father then I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and put it down to stress over the move, finances and a growing family.

I'd send him a text today "look, we're both stressed. You process it by bursts of anger and I process it with tears. Let's try to be supportive of each other and a loving team as we usually are. We'll get through this. Love you"

But if he always copes by getting angry at you then I wouldn't bother texting. I'd think about longer term solutions.

Threelittlelambs · 15/09/2022 09:51

Does he do ‘extra’ to earn some more money?
I’m not sure why it’s all falling to you?

You need strategies to help cope with these things. Speak to your midwife - my friend was offered a lot of vouchers for school uniform baby milk, nappies etc plus the food bank, very recently.

It’s gave her enough lee way to help get back on her feet.

E12355 · 15/09/2022 10:55

He does help me clean occasionally, now more so now that I’m pregnant. But otherwise doesn’t work any extras. He does have a good job anyway and so brings in most of our household income.

I just feel like I’m being reminded about our financial situation and how we have to be tight etc. but it doesn’t apply to him when it suits him! I feel like I’ve also got a lot going on at the moment, my part-time uni course starts back in the next couple of weeks so obviously that’s on my mind, trouble with my own family (I don’t have a very nice brother for example!), but I’m keeping it all together and not taking it out on anyone.

I just hate how he gets in a mood and is quite passive aggressive but when he calms down or realises he’s being stupid he expects me to be fine, and I don’t think that’s fair, I need my time to recover too but at least I’m not being horrible.

I’m even more upset now because my daughter, who is only 4, saw me crying this morning and she didn’t want to leave me to go to school, but she went, and I’m just worried she’s going to have a bad day in school today. I’m currently covering a big box with white paper so she can paint over when she gets back though so hopefully that’ll make things better this afternoon, she loves arts and crafts, so I can’t wait for her to get home.

I guess my hormones are all over the place too which doesn’t help my emotions! But I’m trying my best to keep it together. I had a miscarriage at the beginning of the year too so obviously this time round I am more worried but again I’m trying my best not to let that affect me, I just want to go about my day as stress free (definitely anger free!) as possible, everyone’s got their own stresses these days with everything so we just need to deal with it as best as possible and not be horrible to one another!

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