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AIBU?

Did they change it for the better or worse?

8 replies

Sheeesshkebab · 14/09/2022 22:10

Kids and your relationship?

We both adore Dd…perhaps a little too much…but I often feel sad for the way *We were together as a couple…it’s nowhere near the same now. I grieve that we’ve lost that.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

11 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
36%
You are NOT being unreasonable
64%
vipersnest1 · 14/09/2022 22:22

But it won't be forever!
Why not recognise that you will have some different issues as your family grows, but that ultimately, as your children get older, it will be just the two of you again - and then continue to build on that.
After all, every couple needs some time to themselves. It's not selfish to do that, just an emotional nod to each other that you two need time together.

Unicorn2022 · 14/09/2022 23:19

For the worse, for sure. Had 15 great years together before kids but now just waiting for the youngest to leave school and we will divorce.

Thethreeamigos · 14/09/2022 23:22

@Unicorn2022 Thats so sad, so sorry, what happened?

Thethreeamigos · 14/09/2022 23:23

Our lives are very different now too…not as close but together in a different way…it’s just all, different.

Unicorn2022 · 15/09/2022 01:34

Thethreeamigos · 14/09/2022 23:22

@Unicorn2022 Thats so sad, so sorry, what happened?

Ah thanks, nothing awful really, I've just gone through early menopause and realised that I don't want to spend the rest of my life picking up someone else's dirty pants off the floor. All of the stuff you can tolerate when it's just the two of you becomes incredibly annoying when you have children to look after.,

KangarooKenny · 15/09/2022 07:30

I’d say that there’s something deep inside, almost an animal instinct, that keeps you together while the kids are growing. Then there comes a point where resentment kicks in from things that have happened over that time.
So I’d say it changes for worse.

miltonj · 15/09/2022 13:30

Yeah I felt that. And now our second child is here, I mourn for the loss of being a family of three haha. It's all just phases of life.

iwantasandwich · 15/09/2022 13:32

For the first few years it definitely made it worse

But that would apply to any major stress grenade being thrown into a relationship imo.

Not to the point of many posts I see on here but we definitely were not our usual 'couple' selves those years

I'd say now they're a bit older they've made our relationship different, not better, not worse but different

I have a sense of completeness I didn't have before when it was just us, and DH agrees.

But I wouldn't say we'd be happier now if we went back in time and didn't have kids.

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