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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for friend to expect me to rearrange daughters bday party plans?

19 replies

honestparenting · 14/09/2022 20:45

Ok so just to be clear, I've known this girl since she and my daughter were in nursery and she and her family are lovely just wondering if I have the right to be upset.So my daughter is turning 13 in a couple of days and having her party Saturday. It was kind of last minute since my daughter is very indecisive, but ended up with her going out to Beamish with 4 friends and having tea after. We hadn't sorted out the final times and arrangements as waiting for confirmation of the booking of the restaurant. While in the process of this I get a message from one of the mums asking for times (this was fine as I was about to put it on the gc anyway) since she had the opportunity to go to the match since my daughter's friend's dad was back in the country. I then spent about an hour trying to think of places to go for tea (the previous restaurant had backed out) because a lot of my daughter's friends are picky eaters.I would get a message every 10 minutes asking about this from the same mum, when I told my daughter about them wanting to go to the match, she said that one of her other friends (not invited to the party) had invited her and said yes straight away, which I found a bit odd since these 2 friends didn't always get along and weren't really that close, but later thought back to the original message and realized the other mum had lied to me!I just carried on and didn't mention this to my daughter or the other mum because didn't wanna start a feud right before her bday. I told the other mum the plans but she consistently said it needed to be earlier because her daughter needed to get ready and parking would be really busy...Eventually just said to my daughter that we would need to go somewhere really really local if her friend had any chance (according to the mum) of making the match. Ended up having to go to a cafe that closes at 5. And all I could think was that I googled when the match started and it was 7:15!So will somebody please tell me, AIBU for me to think this mum and kid were kinda rude, making plans when they knew my daughter was having her party?

OP posts:
MaraScottie · 14/09/2022 20:50

Eh, I mean you said yourself it was last minute and took you ages to decide where to go to eat. Did you expect the mum and daughter to just hang around and wait forever? I am not sure they are being unreasonable, unless I misunderstood your post.

Raul57 · 14/09/2022 20:53

Ditto as per about poster.

Therefore, enjoy the time together.

BatteryPoweredMammy · 14/09/2022 21:11

Sorry, but it’s very unclear why the friend was rude?

Also, can’t understand the relevance of the daughter’s friend’s dad being back in the country and going to a match?

Beautiful3 · 14/09/2022 21:13

On the fence here. Your daughter took a long time arranging something and her friend already accepted an invitation one evening that weekend. The friend did nothing wrong she wants to be able to go to both. Next time I would arrange something in advance qnd let all friends know about it. She could stick with the cafe plans, let her friend go to the match and bring the remaining friends home for a sleepovers? That would be a nice end to her day.

britneyisfree · 14/09/2022 21:18

Can someone break this down please I can't get my head around or

MessyBunPersonified · 14/09/2022 21:22

britneyisfree · 14/09/2022 21:18

Can someone break this down please I can't get my head around or

I think op invited her dds friends out to a meal, didn't give a time.

One parent asked for a time, op farted about getting it arranged.

Meantime the friend had booked in another event and when op finally said a time they asked it to be a bit earlier because op had pissed about so much they had other plans later.

Now op thinks this parent is rude, even though she was the one expecting everyone to keep the whole day open while she decided on a time.

Hotandbothereds · 14/09/2022 21:24

The friend had the option of just not coming to the birthday tea, if they had plans later why didn’t they just come to the afternoon then leave whenever they needed to to go to the match?

I can’t figure out why they everyone’s plans had to revolve around them or why you agreed to arrange your plans around them?

Hotandbothereds · 14/09/2022 21:25

Why they thought everyone’s plans had to revolve around them!

britneyisfree · 14/09/2022 21:27

@MessyBunPersonified thank you!

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 21:27

MessyBunPersonified · 14/09/2022 21:22

I think op invited her dds friends out to a meal, didn't give a time.

One parent asked for a time, op farted about getting it arranged.

Meantime the friend had booked in another event and when op finally said a time they asked it to be a bit earlier because op had pissed about so much they had other plans later.

Now op thinks this parent is rude, even though she was the one expecting everyone to keep the whole day open while she decided on a time.

Show quote history

Yes this is how I saw it

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 14/09/2022 21:29

At that age mine all sorted out plans themselves.
They talked amongst themselves where to go and what time to meet up etc.
My only involvement was paying for it and then having them all back here for a sleepover

Mine would have been mortified if I was messaging their mates parents to organise things.

Bit seen as you were so involved you could have googled anytime match kick off rather than leaving it until the last minute.

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 21:29

Just go somewhere nice with 3 friends and the one who can't make it can't make it

WhatNoRaisins · 14/09/2022 21:30

I think it's time to let your child make their own birthday plans as this all sounds awfully complicated.

RumiGibran · 14/09/2022 21:39

😂😂

ManateeFair · 14/09/2022 21:41

when I told my daughter about them wanting to go to the match, she said that one of her other friends (not invited to the party) had invited her and said yes straight away, which I found a bit odd since these 2 friends didn't always get along and weren't really that close, but later thought back to the original message and realized the other mum had lied to me!

In what way had she lied? I’m unclear what the problem is or indeed why it’s any of your business who a 13-year-old goes to ‘the match’ with.

Also are we talking football? Who’s got a 19.15 kickoff this Saturday in the North East?

Y7drama · 14/09/2022 21:42

How had the mum lied to you? I’m a bit confused.

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 14/09/2022 21:51

Although just because it’s a whatever time kick off doesn’t mean fans start going into the stadium then.
It normal to arrive early and enjoy the pre-match excitement.
They are also correct that finding parking on match day is a total pita.

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 09:43

I’m 100% with the friend

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia · 02/12/2022 09:47

I think they've probably sorted it by now, as the OP wrote this in September.

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