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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go back to work soon

19 replies

Cookiemonster2022 · 14/09/2022 16:24

I am on maternity leave and baby is around 11 months old. I have managed the baby all by myself and help from DH as have no family around and they're nightmare anyways.
I have been doing all the household chores like clockwork since the day I came back from hospital.
DH works from home and every few hours he keeps telling me what work is remaining usually cleaning the kitchen after DS's meals. Whole day I am looking after him, cooking 3 meals, cleaning after every meal, washing, drying, cleaning the house, taking him for walk, etc etc. There's never any time to rest. DH constantly keeps criticising me for something or the other, he has never said anything nice to me anyways ever since i met him. I will like a maid in the house and my self of identity and self worth is taking a massive hit.
I work as Head of a department and have supportive manager and he truly believes in my potential to have successful future. I still have several months of maternity leave left but I feel like starting work soon.
I had some recruiters reach out for high paying jobs and next level up in my career. I don't know what to do. AIBU to go back to work sooner and send baby to nursery now?

Sorry for long post

OP posts:

Original poster

Cookiemonster2022 · 14/09/2022 16:25

I mean I feel like a maid in the house just an unpaid one .

OP posts:

NovaDeltas · 14/09/2022 16:26

I think your first error was marrying and having a child with a 'man who has never said anything nice to you.'

Start planning for life alone. Nursery, good job, get a cleaner. You can manage. Agree you should look to get back asap.

bombombo · 14/09/2022 16:29

Go back to work and bin off your husband! You'll manage on your own.

Forestdweller11 · 14/09/2022 16:29

Yes back to work asap.
Realise that DH will never help and always be critical.
Leave

10HailMarys · 14/09/2022 16:29

Yes, go back to work. The sooner you're financially independent from this arsehole, the better. The main thing here is he has never said anything nice to me anyways ever since i met him which suggests you don't even like each other, let alone want to stay married.

Floomobal · 14/09/2022 16:32

Yes, wasn’t a great idea to marry and have a baby with someone who has never said anything nice to you. 😳

What do you want to do? If YOU want to use the rest of your maternity leave and spend the most time with your baby, then do that. Ignore your husband’s criticism. If he’s a sexist wanker, you could always point out how disappointing HE is not to be earning enough that you can stay with the baby indefinitely. As that seems to be what he views a woman’s role as.

If YOU want to go back to work early, then put arrangements in place for your baby to start settling in at nursery.

Basically, suit YOU and your baby. Not the dickhead that you’ve had a baby with

Original poster

Cookiemonster2022 · 14/09/2022 16:37

I know what PP means, I wasn't in a good situation family wise and he then supported me through my bad times. I do love him and that's why we got married.

OP posts:

Elieza · 14/09/2022 16:37

Were you the one who did all the housework and so on before you had the baby? If so he will likely expect you to continue with that and with the baby’s care too. And your work. And bringing him his pipe and slippers of an evening….

Id have a chat with him and see what his thinking is around:

who will do what in the house, overnight when the baby is up and down (and later in life as a child when unwell and up and down etc). As that parent will get no sleep. Your job every night or turns or what?

Who will do drop offs and pick ups.

Shopping for the household

Cleaning the house

Nappy changing for the baby etc.

Who gets a long lie at the weekend, turns or just him or what?

Once you see what he’s thinking it may help you decide on how to proceed. I’m not holding out much hope though. You may find it easier to go it alone without living together, it could be less hassle.

FlissyPaps · 14/09/2022 16:46

You wouldn’t be unreasonable for going back to work soon.

Your ‘D’ H sounds absolutely awful, sorry. You deserve better than that. Do you think you would be happier without him?

Original poster

Cookiemonster2022 · 14/09/2022 17:06

I feel sad that I will have to leave the baby early and send him to nursery even though I have more time left which I can spend with him. I feel I will regret it later. But being always at home and being criticized constantly is affecting my mental health.

OP posts:

Mariposista · 14/09/2022 17:07

Get yourself back to work! Good for you for being such a great and highly regarded employee!
Husband sounds like a lazy arse. He will have to start pulling his weight.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 14/09/2022 17:11

Get back to work lovely, reclaim your power, this arsehole is enjoying feeling he has a hold over you.

FlissyPaps · 14/09/2022 17:19

Is it possible for you to go back part-time?

If you feel like you will regret going back early then don’t go back until your maternity leave is up. That being said, if constant criticism from him is affecting your mental health then you need to communicate to your DH about it.

He’s going to have to pick up the slack around the house. Especially when you do return to work. Both of you should be equally responsible for household jobs, childcare, picks up etc when you are both working full time.

If he can’t see that then I’m sorry OP but I would re-thinking the marriage and looking at my options to leave. It isn’t fair on you. He obviously does not respect you.

Original poster

Cookiemonster2022 · 14/09/2022 17:23

I do feel that he takes me for granted. None of the women in his family have ever worked and he is used to seeing women doing most household chores.
I did speak to him how I feel but he seems to not care at all about what I am saying.

OP posts:

FlissyPaps · 14/09/2022 17:28

Sounds like his attitude is stuck in the 1950’s. He was probably brought up by people with similar attitudes.

Did you discuss before or during the pregnancy about your ever returning to work? If so, what was his reaction then?

Has he always been critical of you and leaving you to do all the household chores? If so, I’m sorry OP but I don’t think he’s going to change. If he can’t pull his finger out now whilst you have a baby then he never will.

devildeepbluesea · 14/09/2022 17:30

Another shit husband.

Go back to work, OP and make sure the household labour and admin is fairly divided when you do.

Just a heads up - you have to give 8 weeks’ notice of your intention to curtail May leave so speak to your company ASAP. They may be prepared to have you back sooner.

devildeepbluesea · 14/09/2022 17:30

mat leave

Original poster

Cookiemonster2022 · 14/09/2022 17:32

FlissyPaps · 14/09/2022 17:28

Sounds like his attitude is stuck in the 1950’s. He was probably brought up by people with similar attitudes.

Did you discuss before or during the pregnancy about your ever returning to work? If so, what was his reaction then?

He's always been critical but before pandemic my job was totally in office so I didn't notice as much buts it's affecting me now being home all the time. I used to ignore it I guess buts it's getting hard to ignore now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cookiemonster2022 · 14/09/2022 17:33

But* in the above post.

OP posts:

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