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Original poster

Anyone grieving and struggling with the coverage of the Queen's death?

63 replies

louca · 14/09/2022 13:21

My beloved grandmother died just over a fortnight ago and as self-involved as it sounds the news coverage of the Queen's death is surprisingly distressing me. Admittedly, I am on anti-depressants (don't want to be accused of df)

My grandmother was a very special lady who fostered over 20 children, including those with additional needs. She once sold a sentimental piece of jewelry my deceased grandfather bought her to purchase new beds for her foster children. Even at the end she was thinking of others, my cousins and I promised my grandmother we would always look after "her kids". Why do we as a society not give a shit about her and others like her?

I know she didn't do it for the adulation.

OP posts:
Snowpaw · 14/09/2022 15:10

I agree. It’s all a bit much. My great aunt has Alzheimer’s and they are playing all the queen footage continually in her care home - she has become very upset telling us all repeatedly that her husband has died (he died some years ago) but the massive focus on funerals now seems to have made her really focus on her late husband and it’s very upsetting for her. It’s as if she’s only just realised that he’s died again. I’ve told the care home to put alternative programmes on for her or encourage her to read etc instead as it’s all too much.

Sweetlikechocolate6 · 14/09/2022 15:15

@Coasterfan My grandfather died during the second lockdown we only had five people at his funeral no tea afterwards not allowed to visit him in hospital I raged at how Captain Tom seemed to circumvent all of the rules and restrictions everyone else had to put up with . I liked the Queen but my heart goes out to anyone who’s had a bereavement lately especially an untimely one and having to hear about all of this

5128gap · 14/09/2022 15:19

I don't think the tone of the coverage and the grief culture we're being pressured to be part of is healthy or helpful to a lot of people, for various reasons.
The Queen had about the longest life and by all accounts, best death possible. Unless you are one of the people who will personally miss her, there is nothing to be sad about in her passing, and I struggle to believe that if it weren't for the media messages many people really would be.
Yet people are going round considering themselves bereaved, acting out grief, and its very difficult to get away from it.
I really feel for you OP and all those who are genuinely grieving people they love.

RobertJohnsonsShoes · 14/09/2022 15:35

My nana died today 7 years ago. Most years are met with a quiet nod to the fantastic woman she was and how I miss her. This year I feel really sad. Like I'm grieving. Which is ridiculous. Bring on Monday so we can stop going on about it.

LakieLady · 14/09/2022 15:50

Even though it'll be 2 years since my DP died in a few weeks, this has really knocked me back.

The first time I saw the coffin, in the procession in Edinburgh, I had exactly the same sick and almost winded feeling that I had when they brought his coffin out of the hearse. That day, my legs just went and if my BIL hadn't grabbed me, I think I might have collapsed.

I'm really struggling atm but am starting counselling soon, hopefully that will help. We couldn't do any of the normal stuff because it was at the start of the second lockdown, which I think made it harder to move on.

Daleksatemyshed · 14/09/2022 16:09

I'm sorry for the loss of your Grandmother, she sounds like a great woman.

I lost my DM about four years ago but the great outpouring of sorrow for the passing of the Queen is getting to me. My DM had Dementia so when she died from a physical ailment it was a relief. I know this sounds dreadful but there was so little of the real her left that I dreaded how bad she'd be by the time she died of dementia. It was very sudden and I went into practical mode - funeral, will, probate and squashed my grief down- tears rising but not really shed.

And now the mourning is like a smack up the head, I'm sad for the Queen and my DM. I think Monday will be a bloody difficult day

Lilyhatesjaz · 14/09/2022 19:03

I lost my Dad 10 years ago but the coverage is still bringing it all back. I will not be watching the funeral on Monday

Newmummu · 14/09/2022 19:06

Sorry for your loss, your grandmother sounds like a wonderful women.

The only reason why the Queen is receiving all the attention is exactly that, because she was the queen. Had she not been then she would have been another wonderful women who would have been mourned only by those who knew her.

Her public profile is following in death as it did in life and there is clearly demand from many who which to pay their respects etc but this should not in any way detract from your grief from your grandmother. Perhaps switch off the coverage and concentrate on that

Newmummu · 14/09/2022 19:08

*woman

user1471504210 · 14/09/2022 21:13

I am so grateful for this thread. My Dad died two years ago and I’ve just burst into tears tonight at the 24 hours death/coffin /funeral coverage. I’ve just had enough. I’ve been feeling really silly over my reaction so it’s comforting to know that my feelings are valid and also shared by others.

bloodywhitecat · 14/09/2022 21:20

DH died at the start of this year, we are foster carers too and our fosterlings stayed with us throughout his illness and death. He was an amazing man who won't be forgotten by those whose lives he touched, your grandmother will have left the same legacy. She will have made a huge impact on some very young, troubled lives and no-one can take that away from her. I take my hat off to your grandma.

luvabellawilleatme · 14/09/2022 21:29

My lovely mum died three weeks ago and the funeral is the week after next, it feels like there is no respite from it all, I can't even turn the telly on to escape. It is affecting my eight year old daughter as well as it is (rightly I agree as it is a moment in history) being covered so much as school.

oopsfellover · 14/09/2022 21:37

Sympathies for everyone's losses. I hope nobody feels obliged to 'grieve' for the Queen. I think a lot of the public emotion is quite manufactured and artificial. Of course our loved ones matter to us more.

Toddlerteaplease · 14/09/2022 21:44

I feel very sad for the people who's loved ones funerals, we're scheduled for Monday, and have now been postponed. That is an appallingly insensitive thing to do.

Chiwi · 14/09/2022 21:45

The child of a good friend of mine died about 6 weeks ago. So people saying how sad it is that a 96 year old rich woman died surrounded by family fucks me off no end. It many things, culturally significant sure, but I can't say it's sad or devastating like the death of a child.

Your grandma sounds wonderful, you must be so proud!

findingsomeone · 15/09/2022 06:12

My brother died last year (aged 31). I don't feel resentful about the coverage the Queen is getting or anything, but the constant coverage does make me feel engulfed and is really affecting my mental health. You can't just turn it off because it is everywhere. I was diagnosed with PTSD not so long ago and this is just hell for it.

findingsomeone · 15/09/2022 06:15

I think what I also find hard is seeing how the Queen was always in the public eye, the transformation from a baby to an old lady. It's a stark reminder that my baby will grow up and die one day, as will I, and she will have to grieve for me and then live a life without us. Before my brother died I had lost grandparents etc but I hadn't been truly shattered by grief. This is probably PTSD and anxiety talking but the Queen dying and the constant coverage has absolutely pressed a tonne of buttons for me 🤦🏽‍♀️

BarrelOfOtters · 15/09/2022 06:46

Yes, I think if this had happened in the immediate aftermath of a person I was close to dying I couldn’t have watched any of it. As it is I have a detachment to it. Watch bits…but I’m not following it.

ChagSameachDoreen · 15/09/2022 06:47

I find this mentality difficult to understand. The queen's death has no relation to deaths of loved ones.

MushMonster · 15/09/2022 06:51

God bless your grandmothers soul OP!
She was a queen.
I am sure so many people came to her funeral to pay their respects and she was very very special to them 💐💐💐💐💐

MyLovelyPen · 15/09/2022 06:53

@countrygirl99 you make a really important point about the “just watch Netflix” response to. This isn’t an option for many people - especially those who live on their own and rely on the constant and company of their favourite shows. The coverage is ludicrous and totally over the top but I guess it’s saved the BBC - if they abolish it they won’t get any of the commercial stations to replicate this nonsense.

thisisit77 · 15/09/2022 11:13

You're totally right. It's over the top and makes your grief even harder I can imagine

Madcatwoman123 · 15/09/2022 11:17

My DH died on the same day as the Queen. It was a traumatic and sudden death at a young age and I cannot watch TV because of all the coverage

Rewis · 15/09/2022 11:27

The duke of Edinburghs funeral was the day after my grandmother died and at the time the covid rules were that max 6 was allowed to gather and therefore I wouldn't be allowed to. I have to say that his funeral got me quite emotional due to timing

Pemba · 15/09/2022 11:31

So sorry @Madcatwoman123

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