For struggling with DD's pregnancy (TW miscarriage)

[stressednupset]

Name changed for this as sensitive.

DD17 found out she was pregnant around the time she left school summer just gone. Not ideal as she was 16, but we said we'd help her to make it work. She's now 22 weeks and just turned 17, baby due after Xmas.
I found out I was pregnant with baby number 6 (surprise baby as thought I had started menopause last year) in July. We were excited to be pregnant together. Sadly I lost the baby last week.
Now finding it hard to support my DD and see her pregnancy continue. I want to TTC again but don't think I can take the heartbreak and stats aren't good for pregnancies in your 40s!
Don't get me wrong I'm excited to be a gran for the first time but feels so bittersweet.doesn't help that I'm stressing over where we will all sleep as I have 4 kids in a 3 bed house (eldest lives with his gf, he has said DD is welcome to go there but she doesn't want to leave)
Aibu, please hand me a grip.

Maybe I should ask mn to delete the post?

I just wanted support on how to deal with my emotions surrounding the mc and also dd's pregnancy. Struggling big time tonight 😢

Try and give yourself some time, you are grieving OP, it doesn’t matter that you have 5 other kids, this pregnancy was your baby and it’s sad, it’s ok to feel that, your existing children don’t make loosing this baby any less sad, and neither would a new pregnancy. With your DDs pregnancy I would try and just go with it, my kids are still small but from what my mum told me, the love of becoming a grandparent is absolutely magical, your baby is having a baby, it may have a tinge of sadness but that is not all you will feel.

Also give yourself a break, she doesn’t need to be pram shopping right now and you are grieving and recovering so just don’t do baby shopping right now!

@BattenburgDonkey thank you for your lovely reply. .. yes I'm looking forward to becoming a gran and hopefully having a lovely bond with this baby. We'd already planned to go pram shopping this week, dd is very keen to make sure she is all ready. i. Really just need to try and appreciate what I have got already!

Everyone else has said what I would say already, but on the practical side, tell her to get on Facebook market place for a pram. Spending hundreds on one in a shop is madness, especially when you’re 17.

Hi OP, I was pregnant when I was 17, had my baby at 18. Your dd will need your help and support. It's an exciting time but very scary at that age!

Very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. On a practical level I don't think it would be fair to your existing children to have another baby, if there are already 4 kids in a 3 bed house plus a baby on the way it will be far too crowded. Your dd can get a place of her own when she's 18 giving you a bit more space. Enjoy your grandchild!

Don't apologise, you have absolutely nothing to apologise for. Certain responders on this thread are who should be apologising for how they just spoke to someone suffering a miscarriage and having someone close to them be pregnant with the same timeline 💕. I've been there and know how gut wrenching that is.

So already having five means she shouldn't be upset and grieving for the baby she has lost?! I wouldn't be saying basically it was better your baby died.

I think people assume a certain financial position living in social

Sorry posted too soon. that's why they think it's a fake post. You having a sixth child and a DD pregnant at such a young age.

Your pregnant dd really needs you as will your grandchild. You can't do this if your pregnant yourself as your own baby would need you. Sorry i think your being a little selfish wanted dc number 6 in this situation.

I work part time DH works full time. We have lived in this house since our second child was a baby. DD getting pregnant was a shock to all of us we had no idea she even had a bf (never mentioned him, he's not been interested since she told him she was pregnant... hoping he will come round when baby is born but who knows he's young too.)

I only mentioned us living in council was because it might be relevant to seeing if we could swap for a bigger house. So I didn't get posters saying to sell and buy a bigger house.

Yes deep down i do know it's selfish... Im. Not going to let my broodiness take over though your right DD does need me. I will be there for her I told her the day she told me that whatever choice she makes we will stand by her. It's not an ideal situation no but im proud of how she's stepped up, is still working part time as well as going to college and trying her best.

Really sorry to hear about your MC OP. I know someone who was pregnant at the same time as her DD. It was all fun and pram shopping until the babies were born. They too were overcrowded and the house became very stressful for everyone. The daughter really resented her mum for not giving her enough practical support, the mum resenting her DD for not growing up and getting on with things. Things came to a head and the daughter moved into a homeless hostel, she went NC with her mum and the neice and auntie (who were only months apart) grew up not even knowing each other.

I’m really sorry for your loss. This must be really hard to be so acutely aware of the similar timescales. Having 5 children doesn’t make it not sad that you lost your baby and your feelings of wanting to TTC are totally natural. Does your DD know you were pregnant?

I think you do need to allow yourself time to grieve and then think about what you really want with your head. Obviously you want to be there for your DD and it sounds like you are doing just that. I think it’s OK though if you want to put off things like shopping for a bit.