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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To live with my parents at 34?

42 replies

unicorndream · 14/09/2022 11:35

I left my husband due to reasons I wont go into last year when my youngest was a month old.
I moved in with my parents with my older child(5) and my baby.
I was humiliated living with my parents at this age and with children. Especially as he refused to let us have the house while we decide what's happening with it.
Now husband wants to try and make things work. The house since I left is now a STATE.
Yes it's cramped but actually.. I like living with my parents. The kids are happy, I obviously get help with housework and mum actually does all the cooking which I'm so so grateful for meaning I can focus on the kids more and not be stressing about the house. They don't ask for money as I hardly had any but I will insist on helping over winter.
I'm just not sure how I would afford my own place with things as they are at the moment.

I was devastated to leave my home but now I feel like I'm not sure I could go back.

OP posts:
Babiesandboardgames · 14/09/2022 13:36

@unicorndream
Im 31 and if I had a choice I would live with my parents and kids. My parents are amazing. I wouldn't be ashamed at all. They have a lovely big house and my kids love their grandparents.

My parents wouldn't want me there though 😀

Enjoy as you are, and appreciate what you have with them xxx

JamSandle · 14/09/2022 19:00

Nothing wrong with it at all. Don't let the pressures of what we are 'supposed' to do or other peoples opinions make you feel you should do anything in this life.

You guys are happy with the arrangement. It works for you all.

If you want to move out in future, you can.

I think as long as the relationships are healthy, living together is much more rewarding and meaningful than living alone or in a small unit just to prove 'independence', especially with how expensive everything is now.

JamSandle · 14/09/2022 19:03

Should add, I'm 33 and back home after marriage troubles.

Sometimes I want to get out but overall I'm very happy and am able to save much more too.

AwfulTed · 14/09/2022 19:05

Sounds like everyone is happy , relaxed and stable! No need to explain, sounds ideal!

Porcupineintherough · 14/09/2022 19:14

Is everyone "happy and relaxed" OP? Are your parents happy to board and cook and clean for you indefinitely? If so then fine but do make sure you have that conversation.

Abracadabra12345 · 14/09/2022 19:24

Porcupineintherough · 14/09/2022 19:14

Is everyone "happy and relaxed" OP? Are your parents happy to board and cook and clean for you indefinitely? If so then fine but do make sure you have that conversation.

Yes. OP says it’s cramped, and the mum is doing all the cooking for 5 after being used to cooking for just 2....it’s probably noisy and crowded. My friend has the same situation with her dd and 3 grandchildren but wouldn’t dream of saying anything. So I do agree about sharing cooking and an honest, open discussion

Definitely no need to be embarrassed and don’t go back!

FourChimneys · 14/09/2022 19:32

I know a multi generational family, it seems to work perfectly for them. Company, childcare, shared bills etc. Usually it's three generations, but occasionally four when great granny comes to stay.

OP ignore any suggestions that it is somehow wrong or odd. If it works for you all then it is the right thing to do.

VladmirsPoutine · 14/09/2022 19:37

I don't think it's altogether odd at all. Your circumstances necessitate it, it would be dreadful for you to have continued with your husband just hoping to make it work - that way misery lies. And don't forget given the price of housing and cost of everything more and more people have had to decamp without even a hope in hell of ever owning a home. You haven't said but what will happen with the house? As in do you both own it?

SkirridHill · 14/09/2022 19:59

I haven't RTFT but I think this kind of intergenerational living will become somewhat the norm again in the future.

NoMoreChubRub · 14/09/2022 20:03

Plenty do it. If it works it doesnt matter

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 14/09/2022 20:07

I lived with my parents until I was 35 and probably still would be now 20 years later if they hadn't passed away.

We all loved it and didn't give a toss what anyone else thought about it.

I'm still in the same house now having been here since I was born.

JamSandle · 14/09/2022 20:16

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 14/09/2022 20:07

I lived with my parents until I was 35 and probably still would be now 20 years later if they hadn't passed away.

We all loved it and didn't give a toss what anyone else thought about it.

I'm still in the same house now having been here since I was born.

I love this so much! I've lived in the same house I was born in too. I think it's a rare honour.

x2boys · 14/09/2022 20:23

If it works for you what's the problem ,my cousins daughter lives with my cousin and her wife they adopted her whe she was around nine ,she has two children and is a single parent they all seem quite content with the situation .

RudsyFarmer · 14/09/2022 20:27

As long as it’s working for all of you then carry on. Extended families living together in the future will be much more normal.

GettingItOutThere · 14/09/2022 21:25

YABU to think its bad to live with parents in your 30s! i would LOVE to go back home and live with mine!

sharing the load, someone to always talk too, respect you and you them. Childcare etc! its a great setup!

embrace it

Farmageddon · 14/09/2022 21:36

The thing is OP, it's not forever. Right now, this is the preferable situation for you and your children. It sounds like you're better off without your husband, but whatever you decide to do, living with your parents for a few months or even a bit longer will give you the headspace to figure out what's best for you.

I know it's not ideal - I am back living with my parents in my 30's, albeit in different circumstances. I know it's the right thing for me at the moment, but still feels a bit like a failure when compared to what you are supposed to have achieved at my age. I'm back in my teenage bedroom, and even though I have redecorated, it feels a bit weird sometimes.
I moved out first when I was 19, and lived abroad for many years. Came back to my home city after a long term relationship ended and couldn't save for a mortgage because the prices had gone crazy. I've always rented and never been in a position to own, usually as I moved around a lot.

Anyway my parents are elderly now, my father has dementia and has gotten progressively worse over the last few years, and my mum has some health and mobility issues also. During Covid I moved in with them to help out a bit and also to help me save for a deposit. They have depended on me more in the last year because my father has gotten quite difficult to manage and actually I'm glad to spend this time with him and help out.

Sometimes you don't end up where you planned to be, but it's not the rest of your life. It could be a great opportunity for your parents to build a strong relationship with your kids, and to give you support with them.

ultraviolet4753 · 14/09/2022 21:49

Nothing wrong with it.
Guy next door moved back in with his parents after the divorce, meant his kids were also with the grandparents every weekend and he could also help look after his dad.

Both benefit.

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