Parent issues

[N27]

planning on having a conversation with my parents today, which is not likely to go well so just after a little perspective from others before I do….

parents come to my house once a week at 7am as I need to be out early for work. All packed lunches, school uniform, pe kits, breakfast is all sorted. I make them a coffee when they arrive, make sure the kids are up, then leave the house.

all normal rules are thrown out the window when they are here but I kind of accept that’s the price to pay for accepting their help - ie sugary cereals normally only alllowed on weekends but parents allow it, minor stuff like that that I just don’t normally mention.

what I do have an issue with, is that the last time they were here, they have read my medical notes which were on the sideboard and been in my bedroom wardrobe looking at something without any permission.

I’m sure there isn’t any malicious intent, but I just find it a huge breach of privacy to go into someone’s bedroom when they’re not there and go read medical documents! There is no reason for this other than pure nosiness.

there have been similar instances in the past of things like this that I try to ignore but I’ve just had enough - things like opening my parcels and post etc.

AIBU?

Being open to some rule changes in regards to your children is one thing but they shouldn't be invading your privacy. It's completely out of order, especially looking at medical notes / going through your wardrobe! What the hell!

I'd seek childcare from elsewhere, that is unacceptable and unlikely to change if you have already spoken to them about it.

For the sake of harmony I wouldnt say anything, Now I have a mother who is so nosy nothing is safe when she is here, So the night before she comes I move anything and everything I hold private, I know this is daft to do this but it makes me feel better, I put the things I wish to remain private in the back of my car and drive off happily, My mum has no boundaries and to be fair is a bloody nuisance but she helps out and for that I am greatful, I just eliminate the issue and leave her to get on with her sneaking about. It saves a lot of upset, When challenged once she caused a scene and ugh well it was a nightmare, I wouldnt dream of doing the same in her house,to me its just respect but she wouldnt know respect if she fell over it my mum,Not an easy woman but a good grandparent so there we are,

Well I brought it up.

she’s stormed off, angry at me for being for funny about it 🤷‍♀️

She’s stormed off because she knows her nosiness has gone too far.

You have made you point no need to say anything further.

If you don’t have one buy a lockable draw, box, safe etc and keep private documents in there.

The other thing you might want to consider is something others have suggested - print out immigration papers for Australia put them in the wardrobe. It will drive her nuts as she knows she can’t mention she has seen them but will be desperate to ask you about them.

I agree that she's stormed off because she knows she's wrong. Can you drop the children to them instead?

Let her storm off and have a think about it. Hugely disrespectful I can't imagine anyone thinking otherwise
What a massive invasion of your privacy

Your parents are v.wrong to go around your home in area's clearly not meant to look!
V.rude and I would've said something too- opening your post ect is also v.wrong.

Thank you everyone, it’s so hard to have the courage to say how I feel to them, literally every conversation like this is always twisted back on to me and I end up wonder why I bothered saying anything.

she came back and is sat in silence.

I know there’ll be repercussions for a while but I’m quite proud of myself for speaking up.

that sounds quite sad doesn’t it 😬

Yes this is how the conversation started, I said I thought it would be best if I dropped them off going forward.

she agreed and even said they’d discussed having them overnight, she asked why I thought that so I said because I’m uncomfortable you going in my wardrobe and reading medical notes when I’m not there.

that’s when she kicked off 🙄

N27 really good way to frame it. She’s been caught out, knows it’s wrong and doesn’t want to admit it.