To try to salvage this friendship group? Or not bother?

[Champagnefizz]

I did the NCT course, we had our babies just before lockdown. Of course, everyone was in similar difficult circumstances and I think we bonded over that. We met when we could and initially this was always kind and supportive and so was our group chat. We’ve attended weddings, gone on numerous coffee dates and have monthly nights out. So on the one hand I do consider myself lucky.

But as the children passed the 18 month landmark I noticed the chats had a distinctly competitive edge to them. Lots of talk about how many words everyone was saying. If someone was struggling rather than support people seemed keen to say they weren’t having these issues (apart from sleep weirdly enough.)

Now the children are two and I don’t know. I feel like there’s a lot of judgement, a lot of the time it’s nothing tangible, but even a shared photo can elicit comments like ‘oh are you forward facing already’ or ‘wow that’s a late nap.’ It makes me feel a bit edgy and guarded.

Is this just the way ‘mum’ groups go? Feel a bit sad my lovely supportive group is going a bit sour

So sorry your group has ended up like this, it is such a shame when you've bonded over such precious moments.

I'm still in our Facebook moms group that was made here on MN, I've found things have dwindled but I think that's just life, there are no negative comments like that though and will still regularly post in the group even if it's not about the children. I think it's best you step back as you don't need that kind of negativity.

I think it's time to say bye and move on. It's not worth the stress. All kids are different.

Have you tried raising the issue with them? I'm guessing they would quite like the opportunity to acknowledge the mess of feelings that give rise to these sorts of comments and attitudes.
There's the terrifying fantasy that your own child is something perfect, brilliant uniquely special. And the fantasy clashes up against a million self-doubts and the fear that you have wrecked the child's fragile perfection. Those are the kind of feelings that provoke the daft need to boast, judge, implicitly criticise.
And they are also the exact feelings that makes it so particulalry horrible to have to hear other people's boasts, judgements, implicit criticisms.
Ifyou coud gently start a conversation about how these comments make you feel, it would help all of you to open up about how vulnerable and defensive parentng can make us.

I wish I could but I don’t know how to go about it.

Its so hard to put my finger on, is the problem. I wish I could because then I could try to tactfully raise it. I’m generally bumbling along and feeling okay about my parenting and some days feeling like I’ve even - gasp - done a good job, then I hear about other peoples children and what they’ve read and eaten and done and it leaves me feeling rubbish.

So walking away should be the logical course of action except we’ve been through a lot together, and I don’t want to turn my back on it either.

It’s so hard!

Unfortunately these groups have a natural life span - certainly mine seemed to end fairly abruptly once people started going back to work and having second babies - and then you realise you don't have a lot in common with the other people except having babies at the same time.

But that is something in common, something fairly major. I mean, maybe I’m odd, but my friends (other than this group) aren’t necessarily based on shared hobbies or similar. They are mostly all made up of random connections: we went to the same school at the same time, we went to the same university, we worked together.

Interestingly, no one has gone on to have another baby and I’m the only one who seems to be considering it. But nothing has happened with regard to TTC yet, and it has been a while now

Let it go....I'm not in touch with any of my NCT friends because essentially we were all thrust together with nothing more in common than our due dates. I ended up making lovely Mum friends that I have more in common with at various points in my parenting journey - at baby groups, at a coffee shop, via a friend etc. You'll find some like-minded people....these people do not sound fun!