To think that DH is being unfair about this?

[Notsoglamanymore]

we have a 16 month old DS together, I have returned to work within the last week after having a rather prolonged time off after birth.

When I was off I would generally get my nails done around every 3-4 weeks and my lashes every 2 weeks, I would try to usually make the appointments when DH was at work so that they wouldn’t encroach on family time, plus we are lucky enough to have great support from grandparents so they were always vying for opportunities to look after DS for a few hours here and there.

Now that I’ve returned to work (slightly reduced hours) there are two days out of every 8 where I start day shift when DH is finishing night shift, so grandparents are looking after DS for most of the day into the mid afternoon so that DH can sleep after his night shifts.
On my current set of shifts I am due to have 5 days off, DH is on one day off on his own then three days off with me then I’m off for two days off on my own after that when he returns to work.
He is making a huge issue of the fact that I’ve booked to get my lashes done on our first day off together, he’s saying that if I have two appointments every few weeks that leaves him looking after DS on his own for those times (each appointment usually takes a few hours with travelling time) abcs that’s not fair because when will he get time too do things? I’ve asked him if he can provide any solutions and he can’t, I don’t think it’s fair for me to wait until my days with DS and ask grandparents to look after him when they’re already looking after him for us to work, I kind Of understand his point but I don’t see what the solution is other than me just stopping the only two things I do for myself, I rarely go out with friends ( probably once or twice a year) I don’t go to the gym although I’d love to and have no hobbies as such, going out and getting my nails and lashes done are really the only things I do for myself, so aibu? Or is he?

i see where you’re both coming from but I think you’re in the right as long as he gets similar time off. When the first child comes along I think people prefer to do everything as a couple as it’s easier to be 2:1 adults:baby. But it’s really fine for each parent to leave the other alone occasionally in charge of the kid(s)

having said that if it’s really every couple of weeks that might be excessive if I’m understanding your shared time off correctly (just 1 a week?). Can you do it less often?

So In a nutshell we get two days off together then three days off together alternately on every set of days off. He works 4 on 4 off and I work 4 on 4 off then 3 on 5 off alternately. Even I don’t know if that makes sense😂

i mean this is such a first world problem but it’s clearly going to cause conflict and I want to decide how to sort it before we fall out over it.

he’s saying that if I have two appointments every few weeks that leaves him looking after DS on his own for those times

What is the problem with him parenting his own child by himself?
Presumably you do that on your own days off?

Does he dislike being with his child? Did he have plans for that day off?

Why is he whinging about looking after his own kid alone? As long as he gets time to do his own shit, what's the problem?

Does he get his own time? If so what's the issue?

Each appointment takes "a few hours"? How many?

If he is getting the same amount of time off to do things by himself then it's fair enough. I'd personally make sure you spend

Oops.. spend some time together as a couple.

How often does ge watch his kid alone?

I can see both sides. Compromise? Once a month rather than once a fortnight? Find somewhere closer to reduce travel time? After-work appointment to avoid eating into days off?

Yanbu op he is more than capable of looking after his own child for a few hours. Many dh seem to go to gym frequently and participate in their own hobbies without anyone being bothered by this, why because it's a man.

Thanks for the comments everyone, my DH doesn’t really get that much time for himself actually, but that’s because he also doesn’t have particular hobbies or gym etc but if he ever does want to do something I wouldn’t have any issue with it, we decided to have a child together so we need to accept that timing is going to be an issue at times, he goes out for nights out a lot more than I do but still very rarely. I think one of the comments hit the nail on the head and I think a lot of men just seem to panic a bit when they’re left in sole charge and think they shouldn’t be.

If he’s complaining about looking after his own child by himself for a couple of hours every 2/3 weeks then sorry but he needs to get a grip.

I assume you looked after him everyday day by yourself when you were on maternity?

Your shift patterns are hard to understand (because they're complicated not because you've explained badly!).

It does seem quite an excessive time just to maintain two minor parts of your body but that's just my opinion and I know people are different.

What does he do on his days off? If he is always doing childcare, or you're always organising family stuff then he may have a point. If he gets plenty of time to himself to do whatever he fancies then he is being a grump. You should have equal time on your own to do what you like as long as there is some family time as well

What does having eyelashes done entail?

My eyelashes take 30-45 minutes to fill in every two weeks. Can't you find a tech closet to your house?