to be expected to feel better 4 weeks later

[Mollylegs]

My husband of 20 years ago about 4 weeks ago, AIBU to be excpected by orhers around me to feel better yet. He left me and our son, we weren't given an explanation and are just trying to get on with it. I have never workd in that time, he wanted me to be at home for our son. I have since had to sign on to UC, but i;m stuffed, I won't be able to get a job, I have arthritis and struggle to get out of bed sometimes. I'm still crying most days and I genuinely can't stop it. I miss him like crazy and I love him to pieces. 20 years of our life and niw he's gone and doesn't even want to speak to me via text message,

Feeling better about it is going to take a lot longer than 4 weeks but yes, people do expect far too much of others when this kind of thing happens. I am sorry he did this to you, it is such a shock isn't it.

An awful shock, it knocked me ill for the first week, I lost a stone as I was just being sick or running to the loo, but that's over it's all "comeon pull your pants up and act like a big girl', you should see the mess of my house, I always have a clean and tidy house, its just a mess.

Im so sorry. 4 weeks is no time at all. Focus on baby steps and doing your best for your son.

Four weeks is nothing after 20 years. You’re doing the best you can and that’s enough for now. I’m sorry that people aren’t being as sympathetic as they should be, it must have been a huge shock for you.

It\s been so so hard, I am missiI'd ng him so much and haven't really had an explanantion, I have asked him to come back and he does not want to. I am broken, I can't stop crying, everyday I wake up and remember he's not there and I'm in tears before I get out of bed, when is this pain gong to end. I would just like my life that I have had for 20 years back

Have you spoken to your GP to see if they can help with the overwhelming feelings?

9 months on and I still feel like that.
I do have a job and will be financially secure, which is something. But emotionally, I am broken still.

Mine is havering over whether to come back or not, having had the classic midlife crisis affair, which he says is now over.

I am having counselling, on antiDs and CBD oil as well as high doses of HRT. I have made wholesale lifestyle changes which i needed, but I still miss him and want him home and working on our relationship.

He owe’s you an explanation at the very least. I second going to speak to your GP too. It is going to take time, it’s a big shock after 20yrs. Please look after yourself, I promise it will get easier. I’d ask your ex to at least tell you why he’s gone, he surely owe’s you that at the very least.

Hi Bloodywhitecat, I went to the GP when he first left on the Thursday, she gave me diazepam for 3 days and stated clearly that I wouldn't get them again. I phoned again on Monday morning as my GP left so I've been given another one, she said I see you have been on anti depressants for years and suffered with anxiety, I said yes, I only go out if my husband is with me and she said oh get yourself around the block once a day for 10 mins or so and you'll be getting tired from the fresh air. I know they have so many patients who's needs are so much worse than mine but a little kindness goes a long way. I feel like mine and my sons world has just imploded and we aren't getting the support we need. She told me to ring the samaritans but I was always under the impression that an emergency line for people who are suicidal, believe me I have felt it but I grew up in a house with a very sick/nasty mother who would say she was going to kill herself if something didn't go her way. Even now she is still the same so I don't have any family I can rely on. So even though the pain is crushing I would never, ever do this to my son, he is my world and is hugging me every day and I keep saying sorry that I can't stop crying as he doesn't like me being upset, he keeps telling me I'm being the best mam and I'm looking after him. He's lashed out at me a couple of times when I've had to tell him off, he's 18 but more like 15/16 in his head. He's got cross at me and swore at me, which he has never, ever done before, he's a really really good kid and his dad is his hero, at the moment his dad has seen him twice in 5 weeks today. He doesn't deserve that, maybe his dad is ashamed, it's the only thing I can think of but it looks to our son like his dad has dumped both of us.

The Samaritans are a listening service for anyone. They will listen to anything you want to say. Plenty of their callers aren't suicidal.

Hi Kensington station, II just can't stop crying haven't worked for 20 years and I don't think I could, I can't even get myself out of bed sometimes. My poor 18 year old had to wait till I'd let all the water out of the bath and tried to cover myself in towels for him to help get me out of the bath, the shower isn't working, a job the hubby was meant to do and never got round to. He has already said he wants to sell our home, I understand he needs his money for himself now, for the last 4 weeks he's been giving me #100 a week for food as I have had to sign on UC, I've been told I'm entitled to 334.00 a month which I will get on the 22nd of September so he will probably stop giving me that. He wants rid of the house, this is our home and mydelf and my son really don't want to move but we have no choice.

Hi Darbs 76, I'm sorry that I can't work out how to reply to people personally, thank yo for your message, all he has said so far is he doesn't love me the same anymore. After Christmas he started going out where he grew up with old school friends and not coming home till all hours of the morning till one night he stayed out all night. When I asked him where he had been he said I don't own him and he can do what he wants, then went to bed. I'm just still in shock I think, thank you for commenting.

Four weeks is nothing. I was married for 22 years when I split with my ex husband. I lost 3 stone in the weeks after. I was in a really bad place. I think it took me about 2 years to get over it. It did gradually start getting better, but two years later I was ready to move forward.

I would suggest you get yourself a very good solicitor. Don't believe anything your ex tells you or offers you at the moment. He will use your vulnerability against you. He will blame you for everything, this is what they do [ there is almost certainly another woman, there was with me, though it was denied many time } . I loved my ex very much, so delayed doing anything legally as I still wanted him to come back and thought going down the legal route would just make things worse. I came away with nothing in the end. Please don't be like me.
There is no harm in just going for a chat with a solicitor and let them outline your rights moving forward. You need to look after yourself and get everything that you are entitled to.

Hi London night, we have been together 20 years but only married for 16 years, my name isn't on the mortgage so I'm presuming he can just turf us out if he has met someone else, she might like my house. Over the years I have worked on our house and made it beautiful family home and I'm so scared of losing it. If he does want to sell up the houses on our street go for abut 180k. Oncce that is halved I won't be able to afford a new home for me and my boy, so i'm totally freaking out

If you are married, the house is a marital asset whether your name is on the deeds or not. You can register matrimonial home rights against it to prevent it being sold without your consent.

I think you need to speak to a solicitor and start to understand what a financial settlement might look like. It's possible the home might have to be sold, but it might not. It all depends on what is in the pot.