My feed

to access all these features


Ex husband on shortlisting panel despite admitting threats to ruin my career in court

19 replies

KaraP123 · 13/09/2022 17:40

So… hoping for some HR experts on Mumsnet!! Im hoping I’m not BU ….. but sometimes its hard!

Im divorced - v nasty divorce, ex husband was violent, coercive and generally unpleasant. Went through court and he admitted, amongst other things, threats to ruin my careers (which he initially denied but they were recorded and after the solicitors threatened to play the recording he admitted this). We met through work, work in similar areas but he’s quite a bit older than me.

I applied for a job via a national recruitment programme. At application, specified to the recruitment team that I didn’t want him to have access to any of my information/ application/ details - they said that was reasonable and they agreed…… but then did not action it and he was assigned to shortlist. Application was clearly mine as they had names on them and also clear from previous jobs etc. He did not declare that he knew me and underscored me compared to the other 2 shortlisters. I didn’t get shortlisted and requested feedback….. only to find that he had been on the panel after all. He apparently said after that he ‘might have known one of the candidates’ but did not declare this until after the shortlisting had closed and did not name me and did not make any conflict of interest declaration.

I have raised as a formal complaint with the recruiter, done a freedom of information frequent for their conflict of interest policy etc only to be told that they aren’t going to do anything about it because the conflict of interest policy (which they released via freedom of info and which is service wide for this area) doesn't apply to them.

AIBU or is it completely wrong in 2022 that someone who has admitted to threatening you in court (and specifically threatening to ruin your career) you should have any place on any job shortlisting/ interview process and that this is something that isn’t seen as a sackable offence……..

Thanks in advance MN!!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

178 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Branleuse · 13/09/2022 17:44

You went for a job at his company?9

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 13/09/2022 17:48

That is truly terrible as he's on a vindictive mission. I would contact HR & inform them of the type of man he is. Good luck xxx

WinterSpringSummerorFall · 13/09/2022 17:52

Gosh that is terrible.
Just came on to sympathise.

Also, I think it might be helpful for you to be lear in your mind what you want...

  1. To be shortlisted and have nothing further to do with him in the interview process.
  2. For his vindictiveness to be recognised.
  3. For him to be sanctioned for it.
  4. An apology?
nopenotplaying · 13/09/2022 17:52

Is this civil service rather than a private company?

LiveInSunshine · 13/09/2022 17:56

Would this have been an ongoing difficultly, applying somewhere where he has sway? Would you be avoiding him forever and always at risk of him interfering. It’s hard to know without more information- but is it a wise place to apply to?

WhatIsThisMad · 13/09/2022 18:01

That sounds horrible OP :(

However, maybe a lucky escape? Would you really want to work for the same company/institution? He likely would only make your life hell

Livingtothefull · 13/09/2022 18:11

That sounds horrific Op and I really sympathise.
You may however need some specialist advice as to what your options are should you wish to take this further, as I think we would need much more background information to be able to advise you from here.

Some relevant questions could be:

Is this a private or public company?
Was the recruiter internal or external to the organisation eg an agency?
Why did you anticipate your exh would be a member of the panel?
Did you share the reasons with the Recruitment team as to why you did not want him to participate in the panel?
What does their recruitment policy stipulate about managing conflict of interest situations/what they do in the event a candidate objects to a panel member?
On what grounds did the recruiter claim that the Conflict of Interest policy didn't apply to them?

I suggest that if you decide to take it further you also consider what you want as a satisfactory outcome (eg, to be reconsidered for the role -would you still want to work for them?- to receive an apology, for exh to be disciplined etc)

Good luck.

ChicCroissant · 13/09/2022 18:40

You seem to have been aware before you applied that your ex would be involved in the recruitment procedure - how did you know that? Is it because he manages the postholder, is he the senior in the department? Would you have to work with him if you were successful and were recruited?

I can't imagine applying for a post where I'd have to work with someone who was hostile to me, I used to work in HR, I'm also quite surprised that you got feedback on not being shortlisted because that's rare IME, you'd only get feedback if you were interviewed and not appointed.

Brigante9 · 13/09/2022 18:41

I think I’d write to the head of the company saying what he’s done and ask for their response.

Johnnysgirl · 13/09/2022 18:46

How do you know he underscored you? Confused

Merryoldgoat · 13/09/2022 19:07

Sorry OP - I’m having trouble understanding why he’d be shortlisting you unless you applied for a job at his company.

Could you clarify please?

Annazak · 13/09/2022 19:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Johnnysgirl · 13/09/2022 19:27

I applied for a job via a national recruitment programme. At application, specified to the recruitment team that I didn’t want him to have access to any of my information/ application/ details
But how did you know he'd be involved in recruitment? This is extremely confusing.

Dotcheck · 13/09/2022 19:31

I’m confused too. If you knew he works there, why would you want to?

KaraP123 · 13/09/2022 19:46

It is health service so nope, definitely not his company. We worked in the same area when we met and have done ever since but he’s older so more senior. The only way to apply for this particular area for formal training is via the national programme so there isn’t really an easy way to avoid applying via that route. I wasn’t sure but suspected he might possibly be involved in recruitment as he is more senior than me and I wanted to be sure he didn’t have access to things like my employment information and where I was currently working. It’s not ideal to work in the same area but I am not intending to retrain/ change what I do because of him either. By applying to the national programme, it means you apply to the UK programme overall and can work in different areas of the UK so by applying to that I would not be applying to we work in the same place or with him, its just the same area/ subject of healthcare.

I got feedback because they offer it when you receive notification of whether you are shortlisted or not. I received breakdown of scores and some slightly odd feedback comments, one of which mentioned that I had lost points for not mentioning something I had done before …… which only someone who knew me could have written……. so I contacted the recruitment team and after a few weeks they wrote back to say they were very sorry but they had not actioned my email and he had been involved in shortlisting my application.

Im guessing there is probably some specific employment law on this but havent got that far yet.

In terms of what I would like to happen - a formal apology and acceptance that it was a huge breach of confidentiality by the team and a plan for how they wont let the same thing happen again to someone else and i think disciplinary action for him - hence the AIBU poll. I can totally deal with not being good enough for something - try again next year etc but its the sharing of all of my work place and personal details with him that is really bad and the fact he thought he could just get away with that and not mention it…… admit threats like those he made in court and then still sit on a panel and not declare it is pretty brazen in my book…..

Thanks all :)

OP posts:
klipwa · 13/09/2022 20:02

I'm involved in some national NHS recruitment (STP). As a short lister, I receive MUCH less than you might imagine. No names, no Dob, no address, but also NO details of previous posts, or place of employment.

We just get academic qualifications and the applicant's answers to 4 set questions.

Depending on the job, many applicants come with the same degree, MSc etc so it is not clear who the applicant is.

Obviously he may have recognised your application, but it's not as straightforward as you think as the way the shortlisting is organised is done is designed reduce bias. (Making it harder in this case to prove bias!)

nachoavocado · 13/09/2022 20:04

I would ask them to confirm exactly what information they have provided to your ex

Readytogogogo · 13/09/2022 20:06

Is he a doctor OP? If so I would be raising this as a probity issue with the GMC. If he is any sort of registered health professional then you can consider raising it with his governing body.

PermanentTemporary · 13/09/2022 20:06

But if he commented that there were no examples from a previous post, that does suggest that he had identified who the candidate was?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.