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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be still feeling down about m/c 2 weeks on?

22 replies

pinkdolly · 23/01/2008 17:26

So I found out on 11th Jan that I had a missed m/c. I was given all the options and decided to let nature take it's course. As a result I am still experiencing the physical effects of a m/c.

Today my mum (whom I love dearly, and am very close to), says that if I am still feeling down after friday ( I have a follow up appointment at hospital), then I should book myself into the doctors and ask for help.

I dont know how long people take to get over having a m/c. But surely i'm allowed more then 2 weeks before I seek help.

Anyway, i'm doing better, i'm not crying anymore. It's just that i'm usually quite a bubbly person and I know i'm not back to normal self yet.

That's it really, am I wallowing or is my mum being a bit over protective?

Thanx

OP posts:

belgo · 23/01/2008 17:29

pink dolly - of course you are not wallowing. What you are experiencing is normal. After my last miscarriage, I didn't even cry for two weeks - it didn't even begin to sink in until then.

As for going to the doctors - well that's up to you. Maybe simply talking to an understanding doctor will help.

Original poster

pinkdolly · 23/01/2008 17:33

belgo- thanx, i think my mum was hinting at me asking for a/d's but I dont think that's necessary.

OP posts:

LowFat · 23/01/2008 17:34

YANBU and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. I have had 3 M/C's each was different and each at a different stage. Each one affected me differently. Although the first was by far the worst as it was my first PG as well.

By all means go to your GP if you can't stop crying etc. But you'll more than likely get tea and sympathy with a HV than AD's.

And FWIW I got PG with my two DC@s within 6-8 weeks of a MC.

Go at your own pace. I still think about my MC's now and get a little sad. It's doesnt hurt to let your feelings out.

2 weeks is an increibly short time to expect someone to come to terms with such a thing, take your time, and if you work, dont be rushed back, your GP should keep signing you off until you feel ready, mentally and physically.

Lot of love
XXX

belgo · 23/01/2008 17:35

pinkdolly - it could take a good six weeks for you hormones to settle down and it's quite normal to feel very up and down during this period.

Of course I have no idea whether or not you need anti depressants because of course I don't know you but two weeks does seem rather soon.

duchesse · 23/01/2008 17:38

It took me weeks to get over mine. Hormonally you're still all over the place, not to mention that you are probably still grieving. Your mother is maybe being a little overprotective. You sounds normal for a mere two weeks on.

spicemonster · 23/01/2008 17:40

There is no right or wrong length of time to get over a mc. It affects everyone differently and no two are the same. I took a month off work because I was so upset.

I fell out with a friend (who'd never had a mc) because she told me she felt that I should have come to terms with it sooner.

You're not wallowing, you're grieving. Entirely different IMO

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 23/01/2008 17:40

My m/c was over 2 1/2 ears ago and I still feel sad about it. Just take your time.

expatinscotland · 23/01/2008 17:43

You're NOT wallowing!

I had a missed M/C, too, about 6 weeks ago, and things are just now on teh up.

Remember, too, there are still a lot of hormones crashing in your body.

Please be kind to yourself and don't get on ADs unless you and your doctor feel that's appropriate for you.

spugs · 23/01/2008 18:37

YANBU at all, it took me 2 weeks just to stop bursting into tears at the slightest thing. you need to give yourself as much time as you need.

Shaniece · 23/01/2008 18:48

Sorry to hear you suffer a m/c its awful isn't it. It takes longer than 2 weeks to get over one - more like 1 year.

mumofdjandp · 23/01/2008 18:52

no YANBU you have been through an awful lot, hugs x

pelafina · 23/01/2008 18:58

Message withdrawn

bigfatbump · 23/01/2008 19:03

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I agree with everyone else, it can have a different effect on everyone. I can still become teary 15 months after my mmceven though on the whole I'm doing fine. Take as long as you need and look after yourself.

milou2 · 23/01/2008 20:00

I'm so sorry pinkdolly.

Just give yourself time and space, as others have said. Let your reactions happen.

I had a m/c at 7 weeks and it was only when my grandmother died 6 months later that the full impact began. I gave myself an "emotional year off" at that point. I also became very nasty with my children for a while. The first anniversary was the only time my husband saw me in floods of tears.

Now I can share a bit of info with my two older children, so it's nice to know they care and are aware that a little someone would have been around with us too.

I found it useful to talk over with a midwife friend exactly the physical process I had been through, she was just the right person on an info level and emotionally.

Izzybel · 23/01/2008 20:09

Pinkdolly - of course yanbu. It takes time to grieve! I'm so sorry for your loss . I had a mc at 10 weeks in July 06 and I still thought about it and got upset on what would have been the due date, even though I was pregnant again at the time. I still think about it now, as it's an awful thing to go through and only those who have been through it can relate. These things take time to heal. What you feel is totally normal.

kindersurprise · 23/01/2008 20:14

I am sorry to hear about your m/c.

I agree with the others, 2 weeks is not long. It took me longer than that to come to terms with my m/c.

Don't rush your grieving process, it is very important. Move on when you feel like it and not because you are being pressured into it.

coolkat · 23/01/2008 20:20

Pinkdolly, I am sorry for your loss. YANBU I had a miscarriage in Dec was 8+ weeks and I dealt with it far to well threw myself into Christmas and work BUT now I feel extremely low and if I am honest depressed.
Take your time to digest what is happening and move on when you feel ready. It will always be a sad memory hopefully something nice will happen to perk you up soon.

I am trying to get pregnant again and fear the same thing happening. Take time out for yourself. X

Habbibu · 23/01/2008 20:27

Pinkdolly, I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. 2 weeks is a very short time, and I think the shock of losing a baby at any stage is really quite overwhelming. Expat is right, your hormones are going bonkers right now, and that doesn't help at all. Your feelings are yours and entirely justified. Take your time and be kind to yourself.

Original poster

pinkdolly · 24/01/2008 14:04

Thanx for all your replies, today is another hard day for me. Dh told me last night that the landlord rang and said he was gonna put the house on the market. We only moved in in July. I burst into tears, which is unlike me. I'm finding it a lot harder to cope with the normal day to day things, let alone stuff like this.

Mum is being good tho, she bought me a nice bunch of flowers today and is having my 2 eldest stay the night.

Thanx again.

OP posts:

seeker · 24/01/2008 14:14

Of course you are not wallowing or unreasonable or any other of those negative words - you are sad and grieving and you are allowed to do that for as long as you need to. You have suffered a real loss, and your mind and body need to recover. For what it's worth, I think that your mind doesn't start to recover properly until your body has.

I still sometimes feel sad about a miscarriage I had 13 years and two children ago.

Be gentle with yourself.

oregonianabroad · 24/01/2008 14:16

You have my sympathy.

Your mum is probably just trying to be supportive and helpful, but take as long as you need to sort through all of this and your emotions.

katyjo · 24/01/2008 15:35

pink dolly, everyone is different, I was quite matter of fact about my miscarriage when it happened then a few months later I got really down about it only just got over it about the time the baby was due. I don't think I was in need of medical help, just me and my body needed time to get over it. I am now 22 weeks pregnant so there are happy endings.

xxx

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