To think it’s so unfair my family are useless

[Familywhatfamily]

I’m 35 and now I have my own dc, Im starting to realise just how unlucky I am with regards to my extended family. My “dad” lane saw me when I was 1 and lives 5 miles away but has no interest in me. He remarried and had 2 children and they are also uninterested. My mother is what I would consider an acquaintance- happy to have a coffee with me but only likes superficial chitchat, not interested in talking about any problems I may have. Although she frequently tells me how she has “so many problems, but I keep them to myself”.

She never sees her grandchildren (also lives local) and I feel I have no one to turn to sometimes. Luckily I have a supportive DH and a few good friends.

I have a brother and sister who again live local but neither have children and I guess this explains why they have no interest in having any relationship with me or their nieces.

I hear from friends how grandparents and uncles/aunts spend time with them and it makes me feel so sad. I’m going through a stressful time right now and I really wish I had a mum or dad I could talk to.

Unfortunately my DH has no siblings and his parents live a few hundred miles away and haven’t seem their grandchildren in 8 years!! DH always mentions visiting his parents so they can all catchup but they never want to commit to a date -they’re not interested.

I feel I’ve got a double whammy of bad luck - my family aren’t interested in me and my children and neither are DH’s and I can’t help but think what bad luck for me, DH and our children.

Feeling really sad about it today possibly because my DH made a joke about if only we could pay some people to be grandparents ☹️

@OnaBegonia your daughter is fabulous.

Ah OP, you're not alone.

DH's parents put SO much pressure on us to have children, we kept getting sad phone calls about how his mum was afraid she'd die with no grandchildren... They haven't seen our toddler since last November.

My parents are deceased; my sisters went into care and we've never really got back in touch. They were young and both prefer to pretend their "old family" didn't exist. I understand that's a trauma response but it's upsetting all the same.

I seem to be surrounded by people who have really interested, loving grandparents, and I'm really sad that we don't. I have found myself questioning sometimes whether it was unfair to give him such a rubbish family.

I have similar. Even in an emergency my family aren't interested and I'm a single mum on top of that so they already know I have it hard. I'm sure some of them see themselves as having similar 'hardship' to me, despite them all having loving partners with good money.

Sorry for the position you are in. Lots of excellent posts here. May I add a suggestion.... start the gratitude journal. When you start taking 10 minites each and every day to write down all the things you are grateful for, it might change your outlook towards other issues

The new born was in the ambulance.
The much older child needed picking up.

In a life or death situation who cares about a cold .

Your situation is not unusual at all. Some of us have no parents as they have died etc. Same with siblings.

The new born had severe breathing difficulties (severe asthma) and the oldest child lives with the parents who would be visiting the new born - i.e. grandparents could pass the virus to oldest child, which is passed to parents and then to the new born when the parents visit the new born, or passed directly from oldest child to the new born when back at home.

I'd hate to think that the grandparents, whilst trying to be safe and responsible, have inadvertently been mis-understood and excluded. Of course this could be just one example of the grandparents' attitude (we don't know any more than this), but I think on this example the grandparents had a valid point and concern.

https://bwc.nhs.uk/nicu-information-for-parents-and-visitors/

It's so bloody sad i can't imagine being like that with my children or grandchildren.

I was so sooo lucky my mum and dad were the best, just loved the company of all there grandchildren, sleepovers, taking them out just spoiling them. Both my mum and dad have passed away now both far to young. My eldest is 20 and youngest 11, i feel absolutely gutted that they are no longer here, not only were they amazing grandparents but parents too. Dh family are complete opposite they are actually vile not seen them since youngest was born.

Just be the parent you want your children to be, make aure a healthy family starts with you and your dh. I feel for you i really do

Hey

Huge solidarity

I have 3 kids 9/11/13 and an awful family.
DM tried to take kids off me with sister using family court for years. Never ever had any alone, only free care either gave was during 3rd labour wnd had to beg sister for it

DH parents are ok but divorced wnd remarried, 7 adult kids and loads of grandkids each side.
See them a few times a year. Give 1 weekend childcare p yr. never xmas, easter with anyone (soend it with new partner).

See my Dad, hes not a nice person (emotionally abused my sister to suicide attempts etc as a child). Dad said hed never ever help with kids when i was pregnant #1 and never has. See him maybe x3 a year? More like a disinterested Uncle to the kids.

Amusingly my FIL offered to have kids overnight and my dad apparently couldnt believe it (he was speaking to my froends parents). Then my friends dad said he cares for his 4y grandson 2 days a week. Apparently my dads mind was blown. Makes my dad look a dick having these 1980s attitudes

Like others I made lots of friends. Those non local/ from overseas tend to be best eg havinf twins for sleepover this week, then someone having my son while Im at a funeral. Have good local babysitters.

TBH they count themselves out, its sad first 10yr but once kids be left alone not too bad. Also means u have more free time for family days out at weekends eg we call Sundays family day and always spend rje day the 5 of us. Other benefit is no drama or bad examples.