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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband at all day meeting 2 days before planned section

28 replies

MrsSamR · 12/09/2022 13:47

So my husband just informed me that an all-day meeting at his work has been moved to 2 days before my planned c-section is booked in. He will have to be in London and we live Wiltshire which is also where the hospital I am going to give birth in is. Given my first DD arrived 3 days before the date of her planned section this feels too risky to me! If I go into labour and need to get to the hospital I will have no one to take me and it could mean having to give birth alone! His argument is that he has to be at the meeting and can't put his life on hold 'in case' I go into labour but given he will be going on paternity leave for 4 weeks 2 days after the meeting how important can it be that he is there?! Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable to ask him to tell them he can't be there!

OP posts:
PollyPeePants · 12/09/2022 13:49

Can't he just plan to be there and drop out if you go into labour early? Or is the whole meeting scheduled around his availability?

MsVestibule · 12/09/2022 13:51

Surely under these circumstances, he can attend virtually? I wouldn't have been happy if my DP was hours away with no way of getting back in. How long would it actually take him to get back?

underneaththeash · 12/09/2022 13:51

See how you feel that morning.

Is zoom/teams instead an option?

Original poster
MrsSamR · 12/09/2022 13:53

It's his whole team so will go ahead without him being there but my point is if he goes and I go into labour it's a few hours until he can be back home and given the fact that they'll proceed with the section if I go into labour early I can't exactly ask them to wait for him if there is a slot!

OP posts:
NewIdeasToday · 12/09/2022 13:53

I’m sorry but he needs to go to the Awayday if he’s scheduled to be there. Presumably they will be talking about some important issues and potentially quite long term issues. So the fact he’s about to go on paternity leave for a few weeks doesn’t mean he’s not needed.

QweenT · 12/09/2022 13:53

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Stath · 12/09/2022 13:53

Can he not do the meeting via Zoom/Teams?

It’s not as if a precedent for facilitating meetings virtually hasn’t become mainstream in the past two years…

GiltEdges · 12/09/2022 13:55

I think you’re probably worrying unnecessarily. He should plan to go, but be prepared for plans to change last minute if for any reason you go into Labour early again. It’s also unlikely everything will happen so quickly that he can’t make it back home if needs be.

DoItAfraid · 12/09/2022 13:58

Understand your anxiety but just wanted to say that it takes quite a while to get ready for a c section. I have had 2 and there was a lot of waiting around.

I understand your anxiety- honestly I do - but if you are not showing any signs of labour before he goes I think you will be ok.

Twizbe · 12/09/2022 13:58

I think he should attend virtually.

A friend of mine's husband insisted on a work trip 2 hrs away a few days before her due date. She went into labour and then had serious complications. She was entirely alone at home awaiting an ambulance.

He got home just as she was being loaded into the ambulance.

Next baby he didn't leave her side for a week or so before she was due.

mightbeyesmightbeno · 12/09/2022 14:00

My husband regularly works a few hours away and so chances are he will be right up to the date of my planned section in a few weeks. Hoping the chances of labour before are slim, but like you my first child arrived 2 weeks early. However, I don't think I will be asking him not to attend work stuff just in case, it will be crap if it happens but you just have to hope for the best I think.

Original poster
MrsSamR · 12/09/2022 14:02

Part of my anxiety is that I don't have a medical reason for the section - they offered it to me as I've had one previously so I worry that if it's just me on my own without him to advocate for me they'll encourage me to go for a VBAC which I don't want to do - particularly if I'm on my own.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 12/09/2022 14:02

You know you are being daft. He is going to work.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 12/09/2022 14:03

Does he actually have a choice?

In many places this is not a request and he has no choice but to comply.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 12/09/2022 14:03

In most cases labour doesn't go from 0 to 60 in minutes. Wiltshire is, what, 2.5 hrs from London? If you are totally fine in the morning the risk seems very very low that he would miss it. And just becuase it happened like that before doesn't mean it will happen again. I would ask him though to see how you are the morning of the meeting and to set expectations that he might not make it if there are any signs baby might arrive.

mightbeyesmightbeno · 12/09/2022 14:04

Try not to worry about being pushed into a VBAC if it's not what you want - you've got a cs booked, all you need to say if you go into labour is that is what you want and they will get you in. Yes you may labour for a little bit whilst they get you sorted at the hospital, but if you want a cs just say that from the start and they will do x

dockspider · 12/09/2022 14:05

I’m normally quite stressy about things like this but actually in this situation I think it’s fine. Wiltshire and London are not that far apart!

Re the CS if the worst comes to the worst you might just need to advocate for yourself. It’s not always an easy thing to do but it is so important!

Original poster
MrsSamR · 12/09/2022 14:07

Thanks for all the responses guys - maybe I'm thinking too much about the experience with my first DD and it's unlikely the exact same thing will happen again. I'll ask him to wait until nearer the time to confirm and we'll hope for the best. I'll make sure I'm with someone else (parent/friend) that day just in case so I'll have someone with me.

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 12/09/2022 14:08

I think he should plan to attend but make sure his manager is aware of the situation and that he might have to pull out last minute, and make a decision that morning about him going or not depending how you feel. I know he's going on paternity leave but I expect the meeting discussion will apply to more than just the following four weeks.

Meltingsocks · 12/09/2022 14:12

Who will be providing childcare for your DD in the event you go into labour? Can the same person drop you at the hospital?

lunar1 · 12/09/2022 14:14

He can't use the reason that he's going to be off for a month anyway so might as well miss this. The chances are slim it will be on that day, but have a backup plan and if needed contact him asap to make his way back.

I completely get it, my husband had full surgery lists in the run up to our children being born. There was every chance he could have missed the births and very nearly did with ds2.

whynotwhatknot · 12/09/2022 14:18

it is a bit much i mean if u go into labour the day before the meeting he;ll miss it anyway wont he

QweenT · 12/09/2022 14:29

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pd339 · 12/09/2022 14:29

YABU.

Frazzled2207 · 12/09/2022 14:31

I think he should go but be prepared to leave if you go into Labour

my dh went to Glastonbury festival for four days a fortnight before my due date. I wasn’t happy so I understand your concerns but had to let him go.