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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband desperately wants another dog, I'm refusing

32 replies

Doggggg · 12/09/2022 10:36

But AIBU?

We have a dog already, he's lovely and I enjoy having him. My husband admittedly does most of his care, he feeds him, walks him and takes him to work 99% of the time.

I work part time and am home with our 2 year old the rest of the week.

My husband is desperate for another dog. He grew up with dogs, often more than one at a time and he just really wants one and I'm feeling a bit pressured to agree.

He says he'll do everything for it and really I have no reason to doubt that he would because he does it for our existing dog. He would also take this one to work with him too so I'd not be left with it in the day.

But I just can't be bothered frankly. I love our dog but I have to hoover 500 times a week to get rid of all the hair, the garden always has at least one turd in it that's been missed, toilet training was horrible and I would hate to go through the stage of the house smelling like pee for a week whilst they learnt to go outside, even if I wasn't the one cleaning it up.

I also worry that it will be a totally different dog to our current one. Our dog is so well behaved, fantastic with our child, soft as anything, doesn't bark, sleeps in late with us when we have the chance etc.. he's just the perfect dog. I don't want to risk getting one that's the complete opposite, yappy and up at the break of dawn every day (again even if I'm not the one getting up to let it out).

So AIBU remaining steadfast in my NO to getting another dog when DH really wants one and I genuinely believe he'd do most if not all of the work?

OP posts:
heldinadream · 12/09/2022 10:39

Would he do the hoovering?

TBH I'm team you. Even if he does most of everything for the dog your objections are still valid.

Paq · 12/09/2022 10:44

YANBU but also - get a robot vacuum cleaner. They are a life saver!

SleeplessInEngland · 12/09/2022 10:46

You're fine saying no. It's good that he put his money where his mouth is on the first, but one's enough.

RosetteNebula · 12/09/2022 10:48

I'd stay firm if I was you. Why exactly does he need another dog so badly. What will he gain from two dogs that he isn't already gaining from one?

HairyMothballs · 12/09/2022 10:49

How would your lovely dog react to having a new dog? Could you afford vet fees, kennels, etc., for 2 dogs? Would it be a rescue dog?

Original poster
Doggggg · 12/09/2022 10:52

HairyMothballs · 12/09/2022 10:49

How would your lovely dog react to having a new dog? Could you afford vet fees, kennels, etc., for 2 dogs? Would it be a rescue dog?

Financially it's not a concern. But no it wouldn't be a rescue dog. He wants a puppy of the same breed we have now. I have said before I'd definitely have a rescue dog in the future, when there are no little children at home. But I'd be nervous to get one now with a young child. I had rescue dogs growing up, all lovely, but lots have been through such traumatic things I wouldn't want to risk it with a small child in the house.

No guarantee with a puppy either of course! Which is one of my points!

OP posts:
littlepeas · 12/09/2022 10:52

We have two and I really understand where your dh is coming from as I think it is definitely nicer to have more than one. But YANBU as I firmly believe that all members of the household have to be on board before a pet is introduced.

OceanbreezeSun · 12/09/2022 10:59

I’m with you on this one! One dog is enough.
My parents have 3 dogs and it is chaos in the house. One dog was great, then they got another one , the dynamic changed completely, double the dog hair and barking, then they got a third and now they rule the house. Can’t go anywhere without the dogs, the 2nd and 3rd don’t really get on, so they have to be separated most of the time.
Bonkers.

Palmtree9 · 12/09/2022 11:00

As with kids, 2 dogs is a lot more than 1 (in the puppy stage!)
If you're not 100%, stand strong and say no.

We have 2 dogs. My lovely, gentle spaniel was great with the pup until pup was 7/8 months old, then he got protective of 'his' house and it took months to overcome this (and castration of the pup as well) and involved a lot of separating of them and a few scraps.
Now they're great together again, pup is now 20 months, and we have a baby added u to the mix as well as a toddler, but honestly it's been such hard work at times. We're experienced dog owners, but at times I could totally see why people were rehoming their lockdown dogs ((this one wasn't, it was from a planned bitch pregnancy))

Frazzled2207 · 12/09/2022 11:00

Well I desperately want a dog (would be the only dog) and dh does not so we’re not getting one (yet).
we both feel all the family should be as close as possible to 100% on board

FlaminNoraPhyllis · 12/09/2022 11:01

I am with you, if you don't want it - I used to LOVE our dog, but the hoovering OMG

GingerGloucester · 12/09/2022 11:02

We have two dogs, got our second nearly two years ago and have no regrets :) we don’t have to hoover more than we did with one dog - only thing we had to consider was affordability with insurance etc. but we don’t regret it

TugboatAnnie · 12/09/2022 11:04

Why isn't he hoovering and clearing up the garden? He's only doing the nice bits of caring for the dog

vix3rd · 12/09/2022 11:07

Ask him what happens if the dogs don't get on.
We got a second dog because my dad was insistent that the dog we had was lonely and needed a friend - He was not & did not want a friend.
The culmination was a violent fight between the two dogs (while my parents were on holiday) where, when i separated them, one managed to get a hold of the other dogs tongue, it ripped apart & had to be sewn back together by the vets.
It was beyond awful.
I moved out into my own place and had to take one of the dogs with me - Would not have been my first choice as I'm actually allergic, but needs must.
We could never risk having them in the same place/room ever again.

PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 12/09/2022 11:07

There's no realistic way for another dog not to increase the burden on you even if he does do most of it, so YANBU. If you're at home with the toddler while he's at work some of the time and there's always a turd in the garden that's been missed, another dog will mean more, and you'd be the one sorting it out. It's also liable to mean more vacuuming, which appears to fall on you.

RealBecca · 12/09/2022 11:09

Maybe that's the compromise- a rescue dog of a similar age when the children are older.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/09/2022 11:09

I'm not saying you should get another dog, but if it is very important to your partner I think you should give it serious thought.

TwowaystoUrmston · 12/09/2022 11:10

Two dogs are an entirely different prospect than just one, you never really know what the dynamic between them will be and any unwanted behaviour can end up being magnified because they react to each other. We always had multiple dogs when I was growing up and at times it was a nightmare because their personalities didn't mix well, I have two now and wish I'd stopped at one. Did you object to the first dog initially OP? If so you have the perfect answer really, 'I compromised on Ddog1 when I didn't really want a dog at all, now it's time for you to compromise and content yourself with one', that seems entirely fair to me.

Owlsinmybedroom · 12/09/2022 11:13

I'm not sure I would be willing to entertain the conversation of another dog with a DH who maintains he does everything for the current dog rather than acknowledging that everything does not apparently include increased housework which unsurprisingly seems to fall to you.

Maybe before he gets another dog he should live up to the doing everything for the current dog and get the hoover out himself more often?

PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 12/09/2022 11:15

Owlsinmybedroom · 12/09/2022 11:13

I'm not sure I would be willing to entertain the conversation of another dog with a DH who maintains he does everything for the current dog rather than acknowledging that everything does not apparently include increased housework which unsurprisingly seems to fall to you.

Maybe before he gets another dog he should live up to the doing everything for the current dog and get the hoover out himself more often?

Agree. It's a bit of a worry that he could think 'everything' doesn't include vacuuming.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 12/09/2022 11:17

YANBU

What about the additional cost? Not just day to day, extra vets bills, extra costs for holiday cover, dealing with old age etc.

What about the stress to the existing dog?

What about the risks of introducing a new dog with a young child?

What about the environmental costs of dog ownership?

What about the effects of buying rather than rescuing? Can you guarantee a responsible breeder, so many experienced people are being caught out these days as there are so many dodgy breeders that do a good job of appearing legit. Rescues are unlikely to consider you with such a small child.

The whole family should be onboard with the acquisition of a new pet.

Musti · 12/09/2022 11:23

No one should get any more pets unless the whole family is on board.

my dog and my boyfriend’s dog tolerate each other but that is it. My dog seems relieved when she isn’t here. She is the alpha and he isn’t allowed to eat in his own eating place. She finds him annoying. They get on ok but I’m pretty sure they are relieved when not together.

I would guess if they don’t get on them one would have to stay with you?

Blueberrywitch · 12/09/2022 11:28

if you do decide to get another, make sure you get one of the opposite sex to what you have now. I didn’t know this until recently but having two of the same sex can cause a lot of problems once both are adults, because they will fight for a hierarchy, especially females who in the wild would fight to the death/form new packs. Male + female mix is much better as they naturally get along and males have an instinct to not be aggressive towards females.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/09/2022 11:36

YANBU, I have a cat and a dog, who I adore but when they go I'd really like a break from my responsible for animals for a while and don't even get me started on the hair situation! (thankfully me and DH are on the same page though)

Phos · 12/09/2022 11:42

YANBU

Puppies are hard work. Even if DH will pick up most of the slack you will still have the hassle of toilet training, introducing to your current dog (who isn't guaranteed to be happy with a new dog), training etc. Also puppy blues are a real thing that people go through and I imagine if you don't really want the dog in the first place it can be much worse.