Found out my ex has moved on - some advice

[Happycamper101]

Broke up with ex of 4 years a few years ago.
I was only 31.
There was a lot of issues leading upto the breakup but felt backed into a corner the last six months - constant remarks about my appearance, making sure I put on makeup before I met his friends, calling me a slut for going out with friends - I could go on. Never physical violence.

He was foreign (middle eastern) and VERY keen for us to move in from the get go. I always held back but eventually he turned up one day and moved in.

I managed to end the relationship. I have only recently started dating after a couple of years of therapy. I actually had a lovely first date this weekend but thats as far as things have gotten for me.

Meanwhile I do not think he was ever single. My sister called me last night and said she seen on social media he has just bought a property with someone (<1 year relationship) - she has the same name and job as me - same age. I know realistically I had a lucky escape but why am I in tears this morning? I feel my life has been on hold and stagnant for years healing and unpicking all this - meanwhile he seems to meet someone and sail into the sunset and seems further ‘ahead’ than me. It is so frustrating. My sister is very cynical and says he is just doing to her what he did to you - cocklodging and looking for financial security / visa - but I managed to get away.

He is all over social media constantly - although I do not have him on mines a few of my friends do and its holidays / hotels / weddings / drinks constantly. I seem to have a boring life in comparison; I work hard. The last time we spoke a couple of years ago it was utter vitriol towards me - I vomited it was so bad. Have not spoken to him since.

I suppose I just need a few wise words to stop me naval gazing and snap out of this sulking nonsense this week.

Any wise words of Mumsnetters would be appreciated.

I still feel a slight gut feeling when I see similar stuff about my ex. He straight away got with someone else and had another child. He was abusive and horrible to me and am assuming he did the same to her as she left him when their child was tiny as well. I think the unbalancing thing is realising that they m don't operate like normal people. It's like all the women are just the same one person and he uses the same lines on all of them and is able to hop so quickly from woman to woman to get his needs met without seeming to be attached to the personality of any one o them. I though it was quite chilling to be honest. You have done the work on yourself though so as a pp said you might not feel great for a couple of weeks but ultimately you are m

Ultimately you are moving forward while he is just repeating the same pattern with different women. Well done on doing the hard stuff though, this stuff is hard. I'd also say that the blocking stuff is sometimes the final piece of the jigsaw of recovering. Like give to oxygen to the pain and memories of him and blocking is really good but you'd also need to say to your sister and friends not to mention him. 7 years on I still ponder on what the f was wrong with my ex he can hop from person to person but he doesn't have a mental/emotional effect on me any more thankfully. Keep plodding on

I feel my life has been on hold and stagnant for years healing and unpicking all this - meanwhile he seems to meet someone and sail into the sunset and seems further ‘ahead’ than me.

He's not moved forward, he's simply found another victim. You, however, have moved forward by focusing on yourself and having therapy.

Thanks for all the advice and support on this thread
it is all really helpful
I have done the freedom programme
I have to remind myself of the reasons for breakup and push on
I will feel Ok in a couple of days
the sad reality was he was using me, and he is doing the same to her. I met him younger so I think I had a lucky escape

the poster who said about him making it up I really dont think so as I am not friends with him
but there is lots of posts of them together all over the page very quickly