We have been married a long time and have four children. I love my husband and my children but I find myself incensed by my husband's frankly gross behaviour. Lots of the stresses and strains of our family life with four very different children have reduced and we could be moving to a more sophisticated way of living.... HOWEVER the bathroom sink is regularly left covered in shaving foam and hairs, his shower (I do not use it) is blocked with soap, hair and slime, things are left all over the kitchen after any low-level food preparation process he is involved in, there is no discretion about where or how he leaves his dirty boxers, the toilet brush is not used sufficiently regularly... and then he is disappointed when I do not find him desirable in bed. Occasionally I am able to blank out the horrors and be loving but it is becoming harder. No matter how many times I tell him that what happens outside the bed affects what happens inside the bed he continues to behave like a well-educated slob. Add to this his default energy-sapping lack of enthusiasm for making any plans that might bring a bit of fun into our life means I am not sure about anything...is it possible to retrain husbands/partners to behave with more consideration and to zap up their positivity? I have tried to give him a heads up by sharing my view that "the reason women like me leave men like you is because a frequent response to any proposal is a enthusiasm-crushing, confidence-sapping statement "I am not sure". Two major things that are just not working in my life. Am I being unreasonable????