The hypocrisy over Adultery

[Ratherperplexed]

Is there an acceptable time limit on excusing and forgetting the actions of previously adulterous cheating men, particularly if they go on to be highly successful in other aspects of life such as their career? Does one excuse, forget and brush poor integrity, behaviour and lack of honesty under the carpet because they are so clever, charismatic or perhaps even important?

Would a woman ever be so easily excused?

I guess it hasn't affected Liz Truss

It depends on whether their partner forgives them surely?

Got anyone in mind?

Well, who are they to you? A new partner? It'd put me off.

But if it was for a job, or a royal or a PM, I don't care that much. Like, did they hurt ME? No. So......... they're a human being who cheated. Apparently 60% of the population has done that. Not sure of that stat.

Everybody has that person who hurt them, for whatever reason, and yet we all know that nobody owns us.

I've never cheated on a partner by the way, so I'm not rationalising my own actions here. Just thinking out loud.

It is kind of weird that you can scratch the side of somebody's car with a key and that's a punishable crime but you can break somebody's heart and there's no punishment. When I was heartbroken I found that so hard to fathom.

But time passes. Nobody should be shamed for (legal) things they did 30 odd years ago.

What is the hypocrisy or double standard? Who are you referring to?

FFS. Is this a Charles and Diana thing😴

*?

People make mistakes for a variety of reasons. I don’t think they should be persecuted about it for the rest of their lives. Move on.

A good example for me is a politician in australia who was against gay marriage because it goes against the sanctity of marriage all the while he was bonking his secretary which came out when she got pregnant and he left his wife for her. This to me makes him unreliable as a politician because he has shown that he isn't to be trusted and his arguments are meant for everyone else but himself.

In terms of others I would take it on a case by case basis. Also look at what they are arguing for, if a certain royal was to suddenly put his back behind causes that go against his own actions I would judge that. But right now I will judge him on his current behaviour. We can't all be perfect but it sure helps when people actually actively acknowledge where they went wrong when their opinion matters on that issue. Instead of acting all holier than thou about it.

Good point. I had no idea.
It was bad enough recently with all those Mumsnetters lamenting the downfall of poor Boris despite his history of adulterous relationships. Probably the same advocating LTB on every relationship post not realising the hypocrisy. I wonder what Liz's husband would be advised?

@naughtscrossstitches valid point.

If I were dating a man who had previously cheated, I would be cautious, but I don't necessarily think "once a cheater, always a cheater."

If the person ends up staying with the person they cheated with, long-term, then I couldn’t care less. It’s just how life is.

I thought you were talking about King Charles until you mentioned 'clever and charismatic'.

This to me makes him unreliable as a politician because he has shown that he isn't to be trusted and his arguments are meant for everyone else but himself.

This is my issue. Any cheat I've known are narcissists who only care about themselves. So if they're happy to do that to people they supposedly love then they'll do anything to people they aren't as close to. For me it makes them inherently untrustworthy as friends or in any position of power etc. Morals are important and I don't need to like those without them.

People make mistakes

Yes mistakes.. I was fed that lone and more. Just happened, meant to be, etc.... Sorry but adults make adult decisions. It's not a mistake. It was intentional. And for me, unforgivable. Don't need a place in my life in any capacity.

Its fine many people don't care that much but some of us do and there's nothing wrong with either way of looking at it.

If we are talking about the King, he didn't cheat on the general public, he cheated on his wife. So I'm not sure what the public need to forgive him for. He cheated on his wife 30 years ago. Should everyone have the mistakes they made 30 years ago held over them? They also divorced so effectively he has paid his penance. She also cheated on him.

If people want to get uppity about cheating monarchs, then they need to accept that the entire monarchy needs to be abolished because I doubt any monarch in the history of this country has been 100% faithful.

I often wonder if roles had been reversed that Camila had been Charles' first wife and Diana had been the other woman. Would people have been as arsed about Charles cheating then? Personally I doubt it. I think most of people's moral outrage simply comes from they cannot accept that he chose an older, plain and simple looking woman over a young fairytale princess.