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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Trouble at school

15 replies

Changingusernameagain · 11/09/2022 17:27

One of my children is having some trouble at school at the moment with another child in their class. It's made me think back to my own time at school when I was in year 5 st primary and I was being bullied by a girl in my class who had initially been my friend. I can't remember how it even started but we must have fallen out one day.

She started to go home and tell her mum that I was bullying her and calling her names etc. I remember seeing her fake crying to her sister about me one day and when she saw I was watching she smiled at me! I couldn't believe what was happening because we hadn't even spoken during the day she was literally making it all up. The sister didn't see her smile at me of course!

Her mum worked at the school as a TA and she called me in one lunch time to have a massive go at me (no witnesses present) and she made me apologise. I was 9 or 10 and really scared to stand up to her so I did say sorry. I ended up being moved out of the school by my parents because everyone believed the other girl.

So I was just wondering what is the worst thing that happened to you or your child at school and do you fancy sharing here?

OP posts:
Changingusernameagain · 11/09/2022 18:52

Just me then 😅

OP posts:
Agadoodoododont · 11/09/2022 19:02

Nothing in Primary school. But secondary school was hell.
First thing was Day one in Year 7, I think 10 from my primary class went on to this school, 3 class entry, I was separated from all the girls I knew. I can still remember their shock, and mine, when we realised I was in a class apart from anyone I knew. That was the school that told us girls we had to walk naked through the showers after PE while two teachers watched us.
Next school, Think it was Year 9 we were told we were to have a medical, no explanation given, no parents to be present, you’d have to strip off. I assume parent signed something. I refused point blank and after a verbal threat to me, and me saying I’d report her for assault if she touched me, the nurse backed down and I was sent to the deputy head, who was very kind and sympathetic. I hated school.

Changingusernameagain · 11/09/2022 19:28

God that sounds awful. Sorry that happened to you

OP posts:
Moonlaserbearwolf · 11/09/2022 19:38

That sounds horrible OP. I was bullied a bit in Y5 too, by a girl who was my friend initially. Her parents were divorcing and she took it out on me. I remember her sending a couple of her groupies to play with me one play time so they could report back to her! 10 year old girl politics are fascinating. In the holidays I often spent time at her house as my Mum worked. We used to get on brilliantly then.

There's a Jordanian series on Netflix, Alrawabi school for girls - it's about teenagers, but essentially the same bullying scenario you had where everyone believed the other girls.

addler · 11/09/2022 19:42

I was told every day to kill myself by the girls who I thought were my friends, that I was so fat I should do the world a favour.

I'm in my thirties now and it's still fucked me up, and the worst part is they don't even remember it, but it's affected my entire life.

Hankunamatata · 11/09/2022 19:45

People at school were torture, loved school just hated the people. Luckily was in couple youth organisations that I spent majority of my time with and who were my friends - probably saved me from serious mental health issues.

Littlemissprosecco · 11/09/2022 19:51

I was blamed for nasty notes once. Went to the head, got really told off! I was 9! Have never been so humiliated in my life. I still feel the anger of the injustice.
As we were leaving primary school I was told by the deputy head ( heads wife) that the accuser had written the notes herself. ( For attention I assume.) I do not know why she told me, I guess guilt. The person who wrote the notes and accused me, still won’t look me in the eye if we pass by.
The head died and never apologised, even though he knew the truth!

Littlemissprosecco · 11/09/2022 19:53

I never got an apology from any one. But everyone to this day thinks I wrote the notes

AlmostAJillSandwich · 11/09/2022 20:02

Was the smart and fat kid. In primary, loved it, had a little bit of bullying off a boy i was forced to sit next to (bloody alphabetical seating) and a friend of mine stood up for me, including when he hit me in the face mid lesson (teacher was told but refused to beleive that could happen in her class). She moved away in year 5, end of all contact (pre mobiles etc). Highschool comes, the bullying is worse but tolerable.
Year 9 rolls around, and i get a call from her, she's moving to my highschool. I was happy, thinking my life was about to get better. She got an automatic in with my friendship group. She was nothing like the girl i had previously been friends with. She had gone from the quiet, friendly kid, to underage smoking, drinking, had tried exstasy, very loud and just nothing like me and my friendship group. Day 3 of her being there, she started being a bit mean to me, little "jokes" that aren't really jokes but insults, that with genuine friends there's no offence and you laugh, but she wasn't doing it in a "joking with a friend" way.

Over the next few weeks it ramped up, the jokes were more and more frequent, only ever at me, never anyone else, and i confided in my best friend that i wanted to talk to to her about it, but could she just stand with me while i did as a confidence "back up" didn't even ask her to say anything, but she refused. She had found a few other girls who were friends of friends and didn't like me, who became her "back up" and overnight my life became a living hell.

She either sat next to me or directly behind me in every class, bar maybe 3 when we were in different ability level classes. All lesson every lesson, she whispered insults and nastiness at me, would throw things at me, write things about me on classroom walls. Would talk about me to others and say my name loud enough so i'd hear and know she was talking and laughing about me, but too quiet with everything else so i didn't know what was being said.

2 and a half months after she arrived, i was last into Gym/PE and there was a big group around her whispering who all stopped and statred at me when i walked in, and she had the tell-tale smug grin on her face. I asked what was going on, everyone said nothing, just paranoid etc. Got a text later than night from one of the girls i didn't know very well, who told me something had been said, but wouldnt tell me over text, would talk to me in person next morning.

I go in, her, another nice girl, and bullys sidekick were in my form class, and there she told me that she'd told the group that when we were 8 in primary school, i was consoling her with a hug when she was upset about something and that i tried to "make a move" on her and kiss her, and that it supposedly happened in front of her little brother. It was a complete lie. Nobody believed me that it never happened. Not even my 2 so called best friends of over 2 and a half years, believed me. They believed someone they had known less than 3 months over me, and kept giving me the "we don't mind if you're a lesbian and will still be your friend, just tell us the TRUTH" speech.

She got hold of an unflattering photo of me i didn't know was being taken, and threatened to copy it and put it up all over the school, taunting me with it. Showed her boyfriend and delighted in loudly telling me and anyone who would listen all the nasty things he'd had to say about me. I was off sick on art class day, and her, her sidekick and the other 2 girls on my table, one of whom was supposed to be my best friend, cut a picture of a hippo out of a magazine, stuck it in my workbook with a caption "great photo of you!" and wrote really nasty messages all around it, about my appearance, that everyone hates me etc. The day before our next art class, a girl who didn't like me and was good friends with sidekick, pulled me aside to tell me about it to pre warn me, as sidekick was bragging about how they all couldn't wait for me, oblivious, to find it and see my reaction. I took in a permanent marker, closed my eyes, and scribbled it all out, but not without seeing a few of the comments.

It was relentless, all day, every day, during lessons, at break time, i'm honestly glad this was 2004 and no smartphones or broadband internet in every home and no social media, so i wasn't getting it online at home etc.
Still i was a wreck, went from getting A's to C's and D's, i wouldn't be able to fall asleep till 4-5am from exhaustion every night then up at 7, panic attacks on the way to school, fear, loneliness and shame being bullied the whole day, a tiny moment of relief when the end of school bell went, then rising dread and panic before i was even half way home that i had to go back again the next day. Might manage a short nap til my sister got home from college or my mum got home from work at 5pm. Act like nothing was wrong, pretend to be fine. Start having panic attacks from 8pm onwards as it's starting to get late and reality of the next day kicking in, be up til 4-5am panicking til the exhaustion hit and i fell asleep. I was suicidal, walking out to cross the main road on my way to school each morning without looking because i wanted to be hit and killed.

Eventually after a year and a half i broke one night a week before half term, confessed all to my parents who were horrified and devastated. My mum went straight in to the school the next morning, met with my year head and told her everything. Another teacher came in mid way through and listened to it too. Got told it was my word against hers, no proof, wouldn't take any action and jeopardise HER education just on my say so. Busy body teacher who came in mid way, then went and pulled her out of class and told her EVERYTHING that had been said, all the claims i'd made about her bullying etc. She spread it round the whole school i'd made false bullying claims against her. Being a snitch/grass/telling made me a target to everyone, as that's apparently worse than being a bully.

I Finished that week of term, went on break, and never went back. Dropped out of school, had no schooling for over 15 months til 3 months before GCSE's then got a 45 minute lesson a week each of science, english and maths home schooled by the local childrens hospital school staff. Managed to scrape a B in maths, and C's in english language, literature and science. A far cry from the 10 A/A* predictions i had. Got put in a group chat with her at 18, asked her why, she said i never did anything to provoke her, she just thought it would be "fun" and by following the advice to ignore not react, she pushed it to see how much it would take to break me. Then when i stood up for myself the first time in my life, she threatened me and my family, with the fact she knew where i lived, she had 5 older brothers and step brothers who were not nice people in not nice violent gangs, and i'd regret it if i dared say another word.

Life got even more shit, severe depression, my OCD spiralled out of control when i lost the daily routine of school to the point i became housebound and registered disabled, and got wicked PTSD from what she did to me. Told my dad as he left for work one day that if he walked out the front door he'd only have one living child when he got home. He took 2 weeks immediate leave, then retired to become my full time carer. My sister got seriously ill with her OCD too and had to quit uni, so my mum was the sole earner supporting 4 adults. Then she was diagnosed out of the blue with terminal brain cancer and died 2 months later, and i couldn't be with her when she passed or visit her in the days running up to it because my mental health was so severely shattered i couldn't leave the house thanks to bully. I'm now a month shy of 33, still profoundly disabled by OCD and PTSD, never been well enough to work a day in my life, never had a single friend since highschool, my extended family abandonned me when my mum died because i wasnt "normal", and i'm only just now in my first relationship thats moving very slow due to my complete lack of inexperience and also my restrictions due to care needs etc. I'll likely never live independently from my dad who is still my full time carer, i'll never own a home, never be able to drive/own a car, never be able to have a child because of my MH, and reliant on pittance disability benefits my whole life so no holidays/experiences or any enjoyment from much of anything.

She completely and utterly destroyed my life, and that of my family. Took my whole future of college, uni, a career away from me, made me so ill my dad had to give up working and my mum was so stressed supporting us all she missed that she had cancer for 2 years until it was terminal, and took my ability to be there and say goodbye. She is one of only 2 people in the world i hate, and you know when people say "i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy?" Well, there's absolutely NOTHING i wouldn't wish on her. Sadly it's proven karma is bullshit and bad people get away with doing shitty things because she has a good life, her own home, her own family, and is living happily while i', still, and forever will be, a shadow of who i was and who i could have been.

Littlemissprosecco · 11/09/2022 20:12

I’m so sorry
there are no words for some of the injustices which occur in life. But deep down she knows what she’s done and what it makes her.

pickledpotato · 11/09/2022 20:21

I had a very similar situation happen to what you've posted and it's burned into my mind.

I was in year 2, a 'friend' and I had a minor falling out (over whether roses or daisies are prettier flowers!) she then got her younger sister to lie to their mum and say I was picking on her.

She even hit her sister at break and got her to say to their mum it was me!

The next day at school drop off my mum was outside the class room door at drop off and overheard this girls mum shouting at our teacher with all of us in the room about me and my behaviour, asking what she was going to do about the 'bully' in her class.

My mum having heard this stormed in and went full mumma bear on her (And my mum is the least confrontational human being I've ever met)

It was awful, I was crying as it was my mums birthday and I didn't want her being angry or upset on her birthday, other kids were crying as it was a pretty awful argument.

Both mums were sent to the head teachers office where she dressed down my ex friends mother and explained that other children had actually seen her daughter hit her younger sister.

She sulked away and next term my ex friend and her little sister were moved school Grin

BeenHereForYonkyDoodles · 11/09/2022 20:21

AlmostAJillSandwich I'm so incredibly sorry. Words fail me. What strength you have to share your story.
I wish all bad things on the monster(s) who did that to you.
Sending you luck and happiness in your future.

Londonderry34 · 11/09/2022 20:32

Gosh that's a hard read. I know now that bullies are terribly sad dysfunctional people. I was bullied by a girl at college. Told me once she was embarrassed for me. Think about her leaving and I was genuinely embarrassed for her situation.

Littlemissprosecco · 11/09/2022 20:41

Dysfunctional or not, people ( including children) know what’s right and wrong.
The problem with some is that they just don’t care

munchbunch12 · 11/09/2022 21:46

@AlmostAJillSandwich I'm also wishing you lots of love and happiness for the future, your story is truly heartbreaking to read. I really hope no other children have to endure what you have, although considering hows schools/CAMHS/general health services seem to be I'm not optimistic. Sending you love and💐

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