To Want The Day to Myself…?

[PineapplePrincess]

Not feeling well. Not hugely unwell, but suffering from significant discomfort which is making me feel really embarrassed and miserable.

We were suppose to go to MILs today. We visit every other weekend, haven’t missed one in over a year and figured I would sit this one out. Told DH last night that I wouldn’t be going. I was looking forward to having the house to myself and resting up.

Instead of going with the kids, he’s invited MIL round. Didn’t ask or discuss it with me. Told me after inviting her.

It’s not that I don’t like MIL, but we we’re not close and visiting is uncomfortable at the best of times. There cultural differences and I now required to dress differently, put makeup on and dry/style my hair, I had planned to stay in my PJs, catch-up in some sleep, veg in front of the TV and just chill before work tomorrow.

DH think’s I’m being self centred. AIBU?

He's being a prick.

Your DH is a dick

Absolute prick, how dare he. I would get dressed alright but it would be to leave the house and let him explain to his MIL where you are, make him feel uncomfortable for being a self centred bollix.

If he hasn’t asked or discussed it with me I’d have stayed in bed the whole time other than maybe putting my head in (definitely in my pj’s still) to say a gracious ‘thank you for being so understanding of my being too unwell to visit today, hope you hubby and kids have a nice day. I’ll be in bed!’

The whole ‘they will perceive this as rude I couldn’t possibly’ facade is a prison women make for themselves and it allows their DH’s to put them over a barrel repeatedly. Does your hubby care anywhere near as much about what people thing as you do? Would your hubby get up and doll himself up despite being unwell?

WTF would your in laws actually do if you stayed in bed and left them all to it? I mean would they actually exile you from the family? You need to care a lot LOT less and prioritise your own self care because nobody else will.

I have stayed in bed when hubby invited in-laws over. It was obviously a huge car crash as he wasn’t expecting to have to do all the work and thought I would rally and get up. Was it awkward? Yes
did I feel guilty at the time? Yes a bit
do I regret it - NOPE it taught hubby a sharp lesson he’s never forgotten

I wouldn't put on make up or style my hair for a visit from mil

Sod that.

If you’re not well, do what you need to do to feel comfortable in your own house.

Stick with your plan. Stay in bed. Hope you soon feel better. Perhaps he'll think twice in future.

Why change your plans? He didn't ask you when he invited MIL over. Now he will see what happens when he puts you in that position.

Stay in bed don't go down and entertain her or your kids. He's done that because he's too lazy to go to his mothers with the kids on his own. Very selfish of him.

Stay in bed, snuggle up with a book or a streaming show and a cuppa. Leave him to it.

I hope you left him to it. You need to have a talk with him about his level of respect for you. As far as I can see he thinks the kids etc is your job. He couldn't possibly take solo responsibility.....

Every other weekend? You poor thing. Why the hell are you seeing her so often?

I would absolutely stay in bed

Plus he's being a total dick

Urgh is this because he can’t possibly manage taking the children to his mum’s on his own because he’s a big man and that’s not his job? What a dick. Seriously please tell us you stayed in bed OP!

Does he often do things without discussing them first? Because I’m betting this isn’t a one-off.

He should have asked. Stay in bed.

I would have stayed in bed in my pjs on the basis that I’m not well.