Aibu to keep feeling angry about stolen money

[Theillustratedmummy]

So its actually nothing to do with me but I can't help feeling angry about it.

To cut a long story short, two family members have stolen a considerable amount of money from another. It isn't classed as theft as the family member N gave this money willingly. She is elderly and somewhat vulnerable and is very much lonely and gullible. The two much younger family members 'borrowed' this money and N really did and still believes she will get it back one day.

I knew before this would never happen and I warned N but she went ahead. These family members are known to be rubbish with money and have borrowed before from N and other family without ever paying it back. I could scream at N but she is still sure they wouldn't screw her out of this amount. This is the most anyone has ever given them and its alot.
This money was taken out of N's life savings and will impact on her retirement and future massively. Its more than half her life savings lets put it that way.
Yesterday I was having a conversation with the family who borrowed and it became clear that this money will never be seen again. Borrowed family shows no remorse and feels because they are in a huge amount of debt etc its just what family do.
I didn't say anything at the time as its not my business really but I felt gutted for N.
I don't want anything to do with borrower's but that would cause issues within the family im sure.
I want to tell them how despicable they are but again I feel its not my place and it won't achieve anything.
How can I let go of the anger I feel about this. I keep getting pangs of anger even though I'm trying not to think about it.

I'd be angry too, and would tell them and the rest of the family why. If you do nothing, they might take all of her remaining money.

I really want to say something but it feels like its pointless. The rest are drawn in by them aswell its ridiculous.

If relative is vulnerable then surely this is a police matter. Make a report. It could be anonymous.

This. I’d also inform SS.

Sounds like financial elder abuse to me! SS may be able to help.

Well if a member of my family did this I'd absolutely tell them what I think of them, and I'd cut them out of my life.

If N is that gullible I’d considering “borrowing” off her too - to keep the money safe for her.

Sorry, I'm not quite clear about this -- is N a member of your family or not (and hence the others too)?
Even if not, you can still report it to the police. If this refers to members of your own family could you involve a solicitor? (Or threaten to?)

Get SS involved. Any chance N would agree to a power of attorney?
I would consider informing the police as well but I suppose its tricky if N tells them she gave the money willingly

It needs reported. As a vulnerable adult someone should take charge of handling her finances or these people will completely rinse her.

It's definitely a safeguarding issue.
What arseholes I'd also report it to the police.

I'm not sure why you think you need to let go of the anger tbh. What they've done is despicable and I wouldn't be inclined to forgive. Cutting them out of your life is the option I'd choose.

Is N your Man OP? If so contact SS and report elder abuse. N might need that money soon.

N your Nan?

Unfortunately she has capacity so ss or police won't do anything. Its frustrating. I just need to let go of the anger I feel.

Yep my nan

I would probably have a very stron wor dwith the 'borrowers' and pooint out that they have now taken half her life savings and that she will be in serious need and pverty if they don't organise a payment plan to pay her back. Ask them if they care about her at all or just see her as a free source of easy money. because if they do care., they need to start paying back even if it's only £10 pw.

If she goes into a care home don't they see it as deprivation of assets ( unless she has millions).

I think that's correct.
In addition it might have an inheritance tax implications, if HMRC think gifts of money were made within seven years of a person's death with the aim of reducing the size of their eventual estate.

This is what I would be concerned about. If N comes to need care at a point in the future, then social services will assess her finances. If they decide that she's intentionally deprived herself of assets, they may refuse to help fund her care.

At which point it will be down to me to care for her.
As she has capacity now there is not much anyone can do.

A person can still be the subject of financial abuse even if they have mental capacity.

You need to call in Adult Social Services asap.

If nothing else you need it on record that she expects this money to be returned to her.

If she needs care in the future, it won't then be classed as DOA and in theory the LA can chase the relatives for the money to pay for her care needs.

Please don't just ignore it.

Just to add you seem sure SS won't do anything but have you actually spoken to them? It reads as if you are just assuming this.

Making a report is vital here.

You know the relatives have no intention of paying the money back.

That's abusive behaviour and your Nan is vulnerable even if she has mental capacity.

It’s disgusting behaviour and I’m not surprised you’re angry about it.

However, you can’t expect people like this to change, they are who they are. All you can do is try to protect your family member and potentially report so SS.

Pure & simple - this is theft and abuse of an elderly/vulnerable person. I’d report it to the police just to have a note of it on the records.

I’m so sorry you and N are going through this.